Anal Sex – What’s the Deal?
This is NOT a sexy blog post. Thereโs poo talk, peeps. Iโd call this one more of a cautionary [and fucking embarrassing] tale.
Iโve got a question for you:
Whatโs the obsession between men and anal sex lately?
*Iโm not deliberately gender stereotyping. Iโve just had more men than usual trying to crawl into my ass than women.
Donโt get me wrong, if anal sex is on the menu, Iโll order it from time to time, but if Iโm being really honest, I donโt actually get anything from anal play. I like it because itโs naughty and it makes me feel naughty, and also because itโs a little taboo, and also because it hurts a bit and I quite like pain … but I donโt like it at the same time, for a multitude of reasons. It’s not going to make me come unless there’s clitoral stimulation involved at the same time (rare, in my experience). It also hurts and feels uncomfortable. That’s how it makes me feel, I can’t argue with that. And it’s also messy. But I’ll get to that in a moment.ย
The guy Iโm with now [The Guy I Couldnโt Get Rid Of] and quite a few men before him have been obsessed with the idea of anal sex, and I feel like I made a bit of a mistake in introducing it to the table too soon, within just a few weeks of dating. As a general rule, I hold back on anal until Iโm 100% sure Iโm going to embark on a relationship with someone. Itโs the kind of thing I wouldnโt put out there the first time I fucked a guy, you know? But this guy and I, weโd been making out and fooling around, smoking a bit and generally gettinโ frisky … it just kinda happened. And then it just kinda happened again. And then again. And now Iโm kinda wishing I hadnโt done it already, because it feels like Iโve gotta do it every time he asks for it … because why not?
Other men have been just as enthralled by the idea of putting it in my ass, although theyโve not been as overzealous as this current one. The Lapdog, for example, was a big fan. And Big Love enjoyed it from time to time, but he didnโt mind if I didnโt want to … and he also didnโt mind when I suggested getting experimental and popping things in his ass to see how theyโd feel. The Hubby was firmly against that idea but still pushed for me to open my ass to him even on days when I really didnโt want to.
My experiences with anal havenโt been great overall. My very first experience was horrendous. It emotionally scarred me and made me wary of anything to do with anal for many years to come. He was the guy who liked to tie me up and blindfold me [Number 2], even doing so the very first time we ever slept together. He took me to a house party one night, got me good and drunk, backed me into a literal corner and then shoved his cock in my ass, dry. Completely dry. No lubrication, no warning, no asking for permission first … nothing. I remember being in pain, scared, and completely unable to get myself out of the corner. It was traumatising. I was traumatised!
Thankfully, most men Iโve anally played with since then have been a little more clued up to things, understanding that a bit of lubricant will get you a long way. But itโs not just the lubrication and pain thing that worries me. My concerns go deeper than that, and in my defence, all of my concerns stem from experiences Iโve actually had. Itโs not like Iโve got all these scary thoughts on anal without even trying it myself.
Like the story Iโm about to tell you now …
*deep breaths*
A guy and I were doing the anal thing. He had fun, I tolerated his lengthy dick in my ass, and we got to the end. Grunts, groans, explosion, yadda, yadda, yadda, time to get cleaned up. Except it wasnโt just his spunk that I needed to clear up. There was something else.
*whispers*
There was a poo.
A teeny-tiny little rabbit pellet-sized poop had escaped my butt (and since mine was the only lubricated, played-with butt, Iโm going to assume I was the culprit) and found its way on to the bedsheets. Our activity had moved things around a bit, and it had gotten itself stuck to the hairs of his leg. His knee, to be precise. There were little smears on my white bedsheets and a pellet of poop had gotten stuck to (and a little bit smeared around) his leg. It was our goodnight fuck and I tried to stay awake for long enough to hear him fall asleep so that I could then do something about the actual turd on my bed and his leg, but all of the fucking made me fall asleep too. The next thing I knew, it was morning. I woke up seconds before he did and immediately remembered that there was still an actual lump of turd on the bed and his leg … and probably in a worse state than it had been the night before.
So, I did the only thing I knew to do: I kicked him out of my bed, immediately sprung into action taking the sheets off to wash them, shouted something nonsensical about germs and bacteria and pretended not to notice that the guy I was currently sleeping with was staring at me like I was some crazed lunatic.
Of course, that only really solved the problem with the turd on my bed. What about the turd on his leg? Well, by that point, heโd already noticed the offending lump and started picking it off. He didnโt seem freaked out or grossed out by it. Maybe he thought it was a lump of chocolate? We had been eating chocolate the night before, after all. He didnโt say a word to me about it. I didnโt say a word to him about it. Neither of us has said a word about it to this day. And Iโm REALLY hoping it stays that way, because what am I meant to actually say when he turns around and asks me if I shat on his leg and my bed that one time?!
Sadly, thatโs not the only uncomfortable poo story Iโve got to tell. That wasnโt the first rabbit pellet-sized situation Iโve had. I was in an actual earthquake on the other side of the world at about the same time an actual poo pellet escape my ass during some vigorous anal sex โ and he fucking noticed it. I was mortified, as you can probably imagine, and he [Big Love] thought the entire situation was nothing short of hilarious. It became a little inside joke of ours. Whenever I needed to be calmed down, heโd simply remind me – in a not-so-fucking-jokey-way – about that time I accidentally shit the bed during anal sex in an earthquake and how he could tell other people about the story anytime he wanted.
Well, fuck you, Big Love. Iโve told the story now. Whatcha gonna do?
Not that he could say anything, of course; I pulled a vibrator out of his ass with an actual lump of poop on the end of it once.
Anal sex is really messy sometimes, yo.
Is it any wonder why Iโm not rushing to let โem do it? Maybe weโll come back to this topic another day …
Are you interested in reading more anal-related content? I’ve got just the thing:ย
Featured image [edited] by Clau Mย fromย Pixabay
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Men like it for the same reasons you mentioned. It’s taboo, it’s dirty, and most of the other girls WON’T let us do it. Men are homo-phobic because they do not want something shoved up THEIR behinds. I think most men would be o.k. with homosexuality if they were guaranteed to be the TOP. (and there wasn’t that ridiculous passage in that ridiculous book.)
Men know exactly what the backdoor is used for and most understand if you go treading in those waters to expect to get a bit dirty. It’s only the immature ones who can’t handle it and those are the ones you want to keep out of there anyways. I tried it once. It was ordered ahead of time (the best dishes should be, IMO). She didn’t want to use lube just natural lubrication. She said it was intense. We showered together afterwards to stay clean (and that was fun in it’s own right.) And only just recently have we talked about revisiting that little scenario…but only if we had another playmate to fill her up.
Thanks for the insight! I guess my guy must be somewhat mature to not have said something about the turd on leg situation hahaha! Either that or he genuinely thought it was chocolate ๐