An Angry Post
Backstory: Jock and I made plans to meet up so I could help him move house the morning after he’d gone out with The Colombian (that’s his name now). I half-jokingly predicted that Jock would blow me out because he would be hungover, but he assured me that he “wouldn’t get that drunk”.
You can probably guess what’s coming next …
I woke up this morning to NO message from Jock despite him saying that he’d be up early and would text me. I fucking knew he’d bail. I knew he’d go out with his BFF and forget all about me. It’s such a disappointing turn of events because I had such high hopes for him. When I go out with my friends, without him, he wants to know where I am every step of the way. He wants to know when I get home safe, and what I’m wearing, and who I’m with — but in an I’m-protective way, not in a shitty-boyfriend way.
Why don’t those same rules apply when it’s the other way around?
I barely heard from him last night, and absolutely NO messages from him this morning … I’m not happy. So far, every shitty thing I’ve predicted he’d do, he’s done. Or maybe I’m being unreasonable? I don’t think I am. He made the plans, after all. He told me he’d text me last night, and again this morning, and he didn’t. He set those unrealistic goals for himself; I didn’t set them.
I told myself that I’d still go ahead and get ready as if we were meeting up, and if he messaged me by 10 am, I’d be cool with it, not lose my head, and just carry on helping him move. If he hadn’t got in touch by then, I’d make plans to go about my day without him.
We make times/dates/plans because we both have busy lifestyles, and yeah, I’m aware that those plans will change from time to time due to factors that are outside of our control. His step-kid is a prime example of that. But I worked super hard to switch my plans, get work finished, and get shifts covered so that we could spend this time together, for him to blow me out over a piss-up with the boys. I work hard to accommodate him in my life; more so than I’ve done with other lovers, that’s for sure. And yeah, I’ve blown him out on a few occasions, but it seems like he’s forever changing our plans without a second thought for me or my time. Or he’ll promise he can stick to plans that I know he won’t be able to stick to, and then let me down at the last minute. (Like: I’ve Got the Right Hump and Blown Out.) I’ve pulled a sickie at work because he asked me to. He wouldn’t do the same for me when I asked.
I switch out plans with Bestie for him, and put off writing work for him, and work all night to get writing work in order to have more money to spend on our dates and get shit finished in time to see him. Whenever he clicks his fingers, I try my damned hardest to make myself available for him — but is he doing the same for me? No, I don’t think he is. I was so excited to see him today, especially after our last shitty date.
But 10 am was my cut-off time.
It’s good to have a cut-off time, right? What else was I supposed to do? Wait around all day/all morning for him to decide he wanted to spend some time with me? Pffft, I ain’t got the time for that.
He text me at 10:06 am, explaining how the night was “messy” (his actual words) and that he was tired/felt like shit.
I told him that I’d rearranged things and now had work to do, and he responded with: “Cool”. He didn’t even try to contest it. What would’ve been the point? Why would I want to spend time with my boyfriend when he’s hanging out of his ass? He’d have to drive to see me, and then drive us/him back home again. He probably wouldn’t have been safe to drive. Plus, what gives him the right to just click his fingers and ask me to go running like that?
Fuck him. I got shit to do.
Gosh, he made me fucking mad today.
Guys are so cut and paste, so hard for them to see things our way until there on that side. Anyway i wanted to say Please keep writing I love your blog!
Oh I hear ya! And thanks!! Aways love to hear that 🙂