Why Do You Like It When I Watch?
Here’s something I’ve learned: Someone New likes me to watch him. I think it’s a fetish of his. Not other people watching us; me watching him. It’s become a trend. He likes it when I watch him jerk off.
This is new for me! I’ve never been with a guy that’s asked me to watch. I wasn’t really 100% sure how I felt about it … how I feel about it. I’ve never really been in a position where a man has asked me to watch while he touches himself rather than letting me do it for him. All of my lovers have been very content to let me take control, or at least join in, whether it’s with my hands, or my mouth, or whatever else we can think of to make them get to the point of no return. I feel like a bit of a newbie … which is actually kinda hot all by itself.
Does he want me to touch him because I’m not doing it right? When I ask a lover to watch me, it’s usually because I want them to take note of something I’m doing; I’m trying to give them a helping hand because I think they need it. Is that what Someone New is doing with me? Is he telling me that my current techniques aren’t working for him and I need to switch it up? Because I’m not sure I could see something he was doing, that I don’t or haven’t done.
Maybe I’m doing it all just fine and he just wants to show me how he does it? Do I need to pay more attention? Is he touching himself in different ways? Harder? Gripping with more force? A sloppier touch?
I’m probably reading too much into this, right, folks? I mean, maybe he just likes me to watch him. Maybe that’s a thing of his? It took me a while to figure out what was going on, reaching for his cock every time he removed it from my clutches. It’s a beautiful cock. Quite breathtaking, actually. Long, girthy, a beautiful pink tip … Just let me touch it, okay? Stop taking it away from me.
I get a bit uncomfortable when he’s watching me watching him. Am I allowed to do something? Does he want me to touch myself? He says I’m not allowed to touch him, but it feels like I need to do something. Sit on my hands, perhaps? I’m worried I’m just sat there with a gormless look on my face – and that’s not attractive to anyone. But honestly, I feel like a spare part. Like he doesn’t need me there to do what he’s doing … and that’s not my kink. My kink is driving my lover crazy, being absolutely everything they want, doing all the things that no one else will … but usually, I’m involved in the process. With Someone New, I’m not.
Maybe I just need to stop feeling so weird and self-conscious and just enjoy what’s going on? It’s not like I don’t enjoy watching him work his magic on his own dick, but I feel a bit … I don’t know? Jealous, maybe? I want to play with his dick.
I decided to just come out and ask him.
“Why do you like it when I watch?”
He took about two hours to text back, but men are fuckers like that when you’re actually waiting for a response, aren’t they? At any other time of the day, he’s blowing up my phone like some kind of madman, but the one time I grab some balls and ask him that question I’ve been too embarrassed to ask, he disappears and gives me crippling anxiety for a couple of hours.
Cheers, dude. Much appreciated.
He said:
“Because I’m doing it for you. Hopefully, turning you on. I’ve got your full attention, getting myself hotter and hornier, seeing the look it gives you …
You get a look in your eyes, and you bite your lip. It’s when you’re on the verge of sucking my cock, normally just before you run your nails across my bare flesh. It makes me shake.”
Okay, well, when you put it like that …
*I just need a few moments to cool down.*
So, is this a control thing? Having my full attention? Because he kinda already has it. If we’re in bed together, he’s got all of my attention. Sex might be the one thing keeping me interested. (Not that it’s cool to say that and I only kinda half mean it …) But why does it keep coming up, this watching-him thing? Why do I keep finding myself being asked to watch and not participate? The participation is virtually all of the fun for me. Without it, I just feel like an actual spare part. And there is NO joining in from me at all. From floppy to finished, it’s all in his hands. I don’t really understand why he wants that much focus on him, to be honest. I hate it when all of the focus is on me. If I’m not in the kind of mood to feel that way (translation: drunk), having someone watch me come would make me feel too self-conscious to actually come. I’m fairly certain I have an ugly come-face. I know that’s somewhat normal, but it doesn’t mean I want other people to pay attention to it.
Anyway, I just needed to talk about my boyfriend watching him wank rather than letting me join in. For anyone whoever ends up in bed with me: please don’t make me do this all the time. I don’t mind it every now and then, but now I’m getting worried I’ve been doing it all wrong this whole time.
Thanks.
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Photo by christian buehner on Unsplash
