Hello, men. Today, I’d like to talk about something that royally pissed me off in my last almost-relationship and seems to be an issue across the board if social media is anything to go by. I want to talk about… drum roll, please… following lots of women.
Oh, and when I say talk about, I actually mean, I want to talk at you rather than to you. I’m starting a new series of, as the title says, dating advice for men, because you lot sure do need a little help.
- Dating Advice for Men: Stop Following Lots of Women
- 1: The hotties probably aren’t going to notice you, mate
- 2: How about when the boot’s on the other foot?
- 3: What happened to subtlety?
- 4: “I’ll just delete the app”
- 5: I’ve already noticed you!
- 6: You know Little Miss Hottie probably already has a partner, right?
- 7: Aren’t you setting yourself unrealistic expectations?
- 8: Wouldn’t you want me to do the same?
- 9: Bit disrespectful, innit?
- 10: Can you give me one good reason why not?
- Additional Notes
- Dating Advice for Men: Stop Following Lots of Women
Dating Advice for Men: Stop Following Lots of Women
“Hi, yeah, so, I don’t suppose you can do me a favour and unfollow some of the many porn chicks/Little Miss Hotties/half-naked women, could you? It’s making me feel inadequate/sad/jealous/whatever.”
How many times has a woman said that to you? How many times have you actually listened and done something about it? Because the last chap that I spoke about it with, told me that getting rid of them was no problem… then never actually did it. I’m still really mad about it.
Here’s the thing: if your partner asks you to remove those many, many half-naked chicks, you’re following on Instagram/Twitter/wherever, just fucking do it. And before you lose the plot with me, hear me out. I’ve done research, bagged statistics, and trawled for opinions. This dating advice for men is backed by data and science (ish,) but I’m sure y’all can still find a way to argue against it.
Anyway, I’m about to slap you around the face with some cold, hard facts and brutally honest advice.
Let the NotSo-hating begin.
1: The hotties probably aren’t going to notice you, mate
Do you know how many men those hot AF women have in their inboxes? What makes you think that you have anything to offer that the rest of them don’t? I’m not even one of those hot AF women but I’ve still got plenty of sausage in my inboxes and gifts in my PO box. I can only imagine the state of the hotties’ inboxes, etc.
Trust me: we have options.
I don’t know much, right, but I’m fairly certain that Little Miss Hottie isn’t going to date some guy who also follows seven zillion other Little Miss Hotties.
I’m a woman, and I like to feel special.
What makes me feel not special?
Simple: when I’m one of many, many, many.
It’s why I hate being garlic bread. Duh.
2: How about when the boot’s on the other foot?
How are you going to feel when I start following seven zillion half-naked men? Preferably with Dad bods and biceps for days? Six-foot-tall fellas, too. How do you feel now? That’s fine? I’m just looking? Cool. I’ll follow a few more… and then, I’ll message some of them. How do you feel now? What if one of those hot, six-foot-tall, biceps-for-days Dad bods starts replying? Still feel cool? I’m just looking. It’s just talking. No, that’s not cheating. Sending them Christmas gifts? No, still not cheating. Asking for personalised cumshot videos is fine also, I’m guessing? It’s not like I’m touching them, or anything.
I actually tried doing this, post-situationship with that chap who wouldn’t/didn’t delete his array of porn accounts and hot, half-naked Little Miss Hotties. It was a lot. I couldn’t open like, three different social media accounts on the train for fear of a literal naked human doing something utterly obscene jumping out at me.
How on Earth do you people trust your phones in public? You do know that we – including your partners – can see that… right? I can see your public following list, you know.
Speaking of which…
3: What happened to subtlety?
In the words of Panic! At The Disco: “Haven’t you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?”
Without sounding like too much of a prude… what the fuck happened to having some subtlety? We wouldn’t have our old porn VHSs on the bookshelf in the living room, but these days, it’s perfectly fine to have our porn tastes and kinks all over our public social media profiles. I’m a secret sex blogger, and even my life isn’t overly sexualised like that. I did once want to put my very pretty sex toys in a glass case on my bedroom wall, and you should’ve seen the looks I got when I told people. In my bedroom!
But if your following list looks like that, does your living room also look like a torture dungeon? If yes, do you mind if I stop by…?
Seriously, though… you do know that you can secretly bookmark that shit, right? I’m not asking you to stop looking at the hotties; I’m just asking you to look a little less pathetic, delusional, and/or thirsty in public.
Have some damn respect, men. You look ran through. Even other men think you look ridiculous…
4: “I’ll just delete the app”
Lord, give me strength and mercy. What kind of man-baby temper tantrum is that? You’ll just delete the app?! YOU’LL JUST DELETE THE APP?!?!!? Shut up. Fuck off. Grow up. Get the fuck outta here.
If you respond with this crappy, weird one-liner, I’ll think one or more, probably all, of the following:
- You’ve got a porn addiction
- You’re desperate
- You’re already planning on creating a secret account
- You already have a secret account that I don’t know about
- You’re a liar and/or deceitful
- You’ll probably cheat because you don’t understand boundaries
- I’m not that important to you
- You’re delusional beyond all hope
- You don’t know the meaning of the word compromise
- You’ve already got one eye on the next target…
- And/or one foot out the door
Either way, it all sounds like drama to me. And do you know what I’m not interested in? Yes, that’s right: drama.
It’s a no from me, you massive, tit-obsessed manchild.
(Don’t like the words I’m using? OH, WELL.)
5: I’ve already noticed you!
All the time you’re spamming that hottie’s content with likes, desperate to get her to notice you, you’re missing the obvious: I have already noticed you… and I am right here. This real human woman has noticed you, likes you, and wants to fuck you, but you’d rather fuck me off than unfollow her?!
No wonder there’s a male loneliness epidemic.
It’s like having a degree, declining every well-paid job offer that’s thrown at you, and living in abject poverty and misery… just in case you win the lottery one day.
That kind of delusional thinking gives me the ick, so you can go back to buying those lottery tickets now. Good luck! May the odds be ever in your favour. Yadda yadda yadda.
6: You know Little Miss Hottie probably already has a partner, right?
Hotties that rely on their hotness and ability to lure in fellas like you, more than likely already have a partner… but they often can’t tell you that, because then they’d lose your interest and focus.
Would you be so willing to like and subscribe if you knew that your engagement online was paying towards their romantic getaways? I respect that hustle immensely, to be honest.
Here’s a little something else that I have noticed, too: the same men who hate it when their female partners get lots of attention online (aka a sex blogger) are the same men who follow a gazillion Little Miss Hotties. Isn’t that interesting?
7: Aren’t you setting yourself unrealistic expectations?
Do you think what those women show you is ‘real?’ Do you think they genuinely walk around the house in a maid’s outfit, ready to serve a hard n’ waiting cock at any given moment? Seriously, do you believe that they’re all having orgies on Saturday nights? Fucking themselves in the cinema with ten-inch black rubber dildos? Fingering themselves in the car on the way home?
What do you actually think, because I’m interested to learn.
Don’t you think those perfectly curated feeds, constant filthy sex acts, and hotter-than-hot bodies are giving you some sort of unrealistic expectation of women? Dating? Relationships? Sex?
Do you honestly think it’s healthy to follow ten, twenty, fifty, one hundred always-hot hotties?
8: Wouldn’t you want me to do the same?
If I were following fifty really hot men that made you feel uncomfortable, wouldn’t you want me to do something about it? If you told me that it made you feel weird, then I ignored it, wouldn’t you be pissed off? Wouldn’t your nose be out of joint? Wouldn’t you feel slightly betrayed and/or let down?
If you don’t like that analogy, let’s try something else. How about, I use a word that you don’t like in an argument. I’ve just called you a prick. You don’t like that word, and you’d rather I didn’t say it while we were debating/arguing/whatever – and you tell me as such. But I keep calling you a prick. I don’t listen to your protests. I don’t give a shit how you feel about it, and I don’t care how much it hurts your feelings.
Wouldn’t your nose be a little out of joint then?!
What if you got annoyed by my sex blog? Let’s just say that you’re tired of reading all about the sex I’ve had with other people, and you’d like me to get rid of it. At the very least you’d like me to tone things down a bit.
“Yes, sure, of course,” I say…
But I don’t delete the blog, tone it down, or anything else that we discussed.
How d’ya feel now, fella? Annoyed? A bit miffed? Confused, because why would I say yes, then not do it?
*stares*
Do you get it now?
I refuse to unfollow anyone or change my blog in any way for someone who won’t even unfollow a Little Miss Hottie or two. I’ll match your hottie addiction with a couple of handfuls of pettiness and spite. Fuck you. How d’ya like that?
9: Bit disrespectful, innit?
Everyone can see who you’re following, so my friends can see that you’re following fifty porn accounts/half-naked women… as can my enemies. They think you’re being disrespectful as fuck, especially if they know that I’ve already spoken to you about it. And my enemies? They think they can grab my man now. You are community property, after all.
Now, I’m humiliated.
Yes, my boyfriend also follows fifty half-naked women because… well, I don’t know, really.
You have humiliated me. Am I meant to defend you now? To my people? Because now I have to defend you. You won’t unfollow a hottie or two, but I have to DEFEND YOU to the people who love me… and other men who want to fuck me. They’re judging you too, and they’re using it to try and lure me away from you.
But don’t you think that’s a little disrespectful? Don’t you think that you are disrespecting me? IN FRONT OF my friends, family, and loved ones?
Bruh.
BRUH.
10: Can you give me one good reason why not?
Can you give me one serious, sensible, reasonable reason as to why you can’t or won’t unfollow some of those half-naked and/or totally naked porn hotties? While we’re on the subject, let’s work our way through some of my absolute favourite reasons, shall we?
Because it’s your social media and you can look at whatever you want? Awesome. In my house, at my dinner time, I watch porn instead of soap operas and all the men have absolutely enormous schlongs. I don’t care if those enormous schlongs make you feel inadequate. I also don’t care if it makes your friends and family feel uncomfortable. It’s my house… and I can look at whatever I want. Schlong, schlong, schlong, schlong, schlong. [In the style of Thong Song.]
I don’t do that because I have some fucking decorum. And if the sex blogger can do it, you should have no problems.
Because I shouldn’t care who you’re following? Okay, sure. See point #2 above. (And #3 while we’re there.)
Because it’s not that big of a deal? Okay, fine, but… it’s not that big of a deal to you. If I have told you that it upsets me and asked you to cool it on the numbers, it is a clearly a big deal for me. And if we’re now picking and choosing which aspects of respect, we give our partners, I’m guessing it’ll be perfectly fine to shrug the next time you tell me about something that bothers you. It’s not really a big deal, and all that.
Because it’s a dumb thing to argue about? Well, yes… you are being dumb. Just unfollow some already.
Because you’ll look/feel/whatever “under the thumb?” Bruh, we’re all a little under the thumb in love. We all compromise for the ones we love, care about, whatever. I stop watching enormous schlong porn over dinner, so you don’t feel inadequate… and you discreetly unfollow some of the filth on your following list, so I don’t feel like your porn addiction is going to ruin my life.
Ta dah! A compromise.
Additional Notes
I would have so much respect for a man if he unfollowed me on Instagram or wherever, for the sake of his partner – and for so, so, so many reasons, too. These include:
1: My feelings were really hurt when that guy didn’t do the same for me.
2: It reminds me that, actually, there are still a few good men out there.
3: It’s the right thing to do.
4: Who the fuck am I compared to someone you’re meant to love?
As much as I’d get an ego boost and a half from yet another couple arguing over and/or about me, it’s kinda gross. Leave me out of it. I’m too busy fucking up my own love life to get involved with yours, too.
Dating Advice for Men: Stop Following Lots of Women
Listen, men, you do you. If you want to follow all of those hot, half-naked, sometimes porn’y hotties, be my guest. Feel free. Hit that follow button until the platform thinks you’re spam. Follow, follow, follow away. But don’t expect to keep my interest for long… and definitely don’t expect to date me. I much prefer my partners to be less delusional, desperate, and/or disrespectful.
Anyway, you heard it here first: stop following lots of women if you actually want a partner, for fuck’s sake. What’s wrong with you?
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
You can also read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
Alternatively, why not have a little peek around here:
