Soundtrack: Blue Moon by Zara Larsson.
Towards the end of The Year of No Dating Apps, I started to think about texting My Mr. Grey. I mean, he’s been my regular friend-with-benefits for longer than I can remember at this point… and didn’t I always run back to him whenever it didn’t work out with some other guy? I needed something in my life. Some sizzle, perhaps? I’d always gotten that from Grey, so I made my mind up: I was going to text my FWB for the first time in almost a decade and a half. You text the sex man for some sex, right? I’ve been abstinent for seven years, so damn straight I was gonna text the sex man for some sex.
The Sex Man
I forgot to text him for the first few nights that I thought about doing it, mostly because I’m easily distracted… which was probably a sign in itself. I kept starting to do it, but then putting my phone down and doing something else, before the idea of a sizzling hot night with him drifted out of my mind. Before I knew it, The Year of No Dating Apps was over, and I’d hopped back on to the dating sites. Grey was all but forgotten about until I realised that the men on said dating apps were trash and I was probably never going to find another man sexually attractive again.
Eventually, I remembered. I typed in Grey’s name, tapped out a friendly lil’ message, and hit send. He replied almost immediately, and I couldn’t help but smile at that.
“Hey, you,” he said.
Nothing ever really changes, does it? I hoped that would be a good sign.
We chit-chatted for a while, before talking about the next time that he’d be in my neck of the woods. Light stuff, you know? Small talk. It was pleasant enough, but I noticed something: I wasn’t enthralled by his messages like I always used to be. I didn’t run to the phone to read them and reply to him, and I wasn’t eagerly hanging off his every word. His profile picture didn’t send butterflies soaring in my stomach and I didn’t flick through my diary to try and pencil in a date. It was nothing like how we used to be.
There was no excitement, no rush, no… sizzle.
Where had the sizzle gone?
Sizzle?
I thought about it for days afterwards. Maybe even weeks. Something had changed between us, and I couldn’t figure out what it was. It was on both sides, too. He didn’t seem particularly interested in me in much the same way that I wasn’t particularly interested in him. We spoke for a few days, then I stopped replying to him. Not deliberately, but also not not deliberately, too. I didn’t want to reply to him. I put it off for “five minutes” at first… then three days had passed. Honestly, I was starting to wonder why I’d even messaged him in the first place.
It’s strange to think that we don’t have that passion for each other now, after years of ripping each other’s clothes off every time we saw each other. I’m actually a little sad to think that one day, we had filthy sex for the very last time, but neither of us knew it. Had I known, I’d have made it a belter, you know? Not that it wasn’t a belter, of course; it always was with him. I just feel like we should’ve marked our very last shag in a meaningful way.
Without sounding too woe-is-me, I never thought I’d see the day that Grey and I weren’t friends-with-benefits. I met him when I was still a teenager, and I’ve known and wanted him for twenty-four years of my life. That’s more than half of my life. His fist has been inside me, and he discovered my praise kink, and we knew each other more intimately than I’ve known most men. He’s been the sex man for so, so many years… and now, he’s not.
Maybe one day, in the near future, Grey and I will see each other again and all of that passion and sizzle will rush right back. For now, though… well, I just feel kinda solemn about it. I don’t know if I expected us to just fuck freely forever, but I certainly never anticipated feeling so nonchalant about him.
Grey’s sizzle has fizzled out.
I didn’t see that happening, did you?!
The next blog in the dating timeline is this one: Army Boy.
Thank you so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
Want to read all about My Mr. Grey’s story, right from the very beginning? You’ll find that right here.
You can also read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
Alternatively, why not have a little peek around here: