Hello! You might find affiliate links in this blog post. These links earn me a little commission if you use them when purchasing - at absolutely no extra cost to you. Thank you for your support!
I’ve had some really interesting questions in my NGL inbox lately, and I love it. You know how much I love to talk and/or have an opinion. There was absolutely no way that I’d be able to answer these questions in tweet form, though… so welcome to today’s blog post all about premature ejaculation.
Premature ejaculation is ruining my sex life
I don’t have a penis, so I don’t and can’t know how it would feel to experience premature ejaculation. What I can know, though, is how I felt/would feel – and what I would want my penis-having lover to do about it.
I think it’s important to start with some facts. Nobody actually knows how many folk in the UK experience premature ejaculation, but it is thought that a large number never seek out advice or treatment from medical professionals – up to 75%!
Experts have estimated that around 20% to 30% of all men will have PE. In a room of 100 men, 20 to 30 of them will have PE. Only five to eight of those men will ever seek treatment.
It’s not as rare as you’d think.
It can be genetic, a result of sexual trauma, is often heavily affected by things like stress and other high emotions, and is also linked to several medical conditions. You’ll find some helpful (I think) links to more information at the bottom of this post… just in case you need them.
For now, though, why don’t I tell you what I’d like you to do if you experience premature ejaculation and are worried that it’s going to affect our sex life?
Let’s talk about it
If you can turn to your partner and say, “I’ve got a bit of a headache,” then you should also be able to say, “I’ve got a touch of the ol’ premature ejaculation.”
They’re both medical problems. Yes, one is slightly more “embarrassing” than the other… but I don’t personally think it’s embarrassing. I’d treat them both the same. Do you want paracetamol for your headache? Shall we slow down or do something else for your PE?
We are adults. Why aren’t we handling this like adults? A little communication goes a long-ass way.
Do you want to know what else goes a long way…?
Where’s your sense of humour?
I’m British. We take the piss out of everything, including ourselves. And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with having a sense of humour about sex.
And no, I’m not laughing at you; I’m laughing with you.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my slaggy little life, it’s this: having a sense of humour is vital – and especially in the bedroom. (Or, you know, out of it.)
There are going to be times where someone accidentally knees someone else in the balls. Folk will fall off the bed. Something will fall out of somewhere, or the dreaded queef will echo around the room.
Who fucking cares?
Do you know how much sexier sex is when you can laugh about the mishaps? That’s intimacy. Our bodies aren’t machines. It’s not click-and-go. We’re only human. Shit happens.
You jizz quickly? Oh, well. I once woke up to a lump of my poop on some guy’s knee after anal. He still came back for more.
Shit literally happens.
(To me, a lot, apparently.)
Penetrative sex isn’t the only sex
You’ve got fingers, right? Or a mouth? A tongue? A thigh? A box of vibrators and other fun toys…?
Newsflash: penis-in-vagina sex aint the only sex.
According to a 2015 study, only 18.4% of women said that penetrative intercourse was sufficient for them to reach orgasm. 36.6% of women said that they needed some sort of clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and an additional 36% said that their orgasms were better if they had vaginal stimulation with clitoral stimulation.
I would consider myself to be one of those 36.6% of women who tend to need clitoral alongside vaginal stimulation. There have been instances of non-clitoral coming, but those are rare (for me.)
So, if I were the partner of someone who had premature ejaculation, I actually think I’d have more fun if we left just PIV sex at the door.
Don’t believe me? Take a peek at these… all with absolutely zero PIV sex:
Toys, toys, toys
Sex toys aren’t your competition, penis people; they’re your tools.
Want to feel like your partner is riding your cock? Godemiche has a whole selection of grind pads, which you can wear on your thigh (or wherever you please) for your partner to grind on. I’m a big fan of humping/grinding, so I would love this. I’d want to do it even if my partner didn’t experience premature ejaculation.
Want to feel like you’re actually fucking your partner? Why not try a strap on? Or a dildo/vibrator? Or a wand? Or an extension sleeve?
Fancy trying something else? (Because why wouldn’t you jump on that opportunity?) How about a remote controlled We-Vibe? Or a finger wrap vibrator? Or… you know… a toy of your partner’s choosing?
If you actually talked about premature ejaculation, or other issues, or just sex in general, you might discover new things about your partner, such as their toy preferences or filthy little fantasies.
As Lady Gaga very eloquently said as The Countess in American Horror Story [re: impotence]:
“This isn’t a crisis. It’s an invitation for an adventure.”
So… why aren’t we having an adventure?
I come quick sometimes, too
I know it’s not the same thing and nowhere near as “embarrassing,” but I, too, have prematurely came, more than once. It would happen quite frequently with Bear when I was on top. I’d be all enthusiastic and get too close, then he’d tell me to slow down, and then it would be game over for both of us, because there’s no way I can keep going right after I’ve come.
He’d end up frustrated.
I’d end up satiated.
Same trope, different plot.
I can’t always perform on demand
There have been times where I couldn’t get wet for all the water in the world. I was all turned on in the head and everywhere else, but nuthin’ turned on downstairs.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve left a sexual encounter unsatisfied – and not always because my partner wasn’t capable. Sometimes, it just doesn’t happen.
I also need to work really hard at coming by myself sometimes, and even more so now, on Sertraline.
Again: we are not machines.
We are mere humans.
Premature ejaculation: conclusion
Honestly, if you were my partner, I wouldn’t give a shit if you experienced premature ejaculation. Heck, I’d probably even think of it as a compliment. Yes, I really am that hot. I make dicks jizz in minutes.
It’s not a big deal. That might sound like a cliché, but with some communication and understanding, premature ejaculation doesn’t need to mean a damn thing for your sex life. Why aren’t you talking about it? Why do you feel like you can’t laugh and make jokes about it?
If you’re smart, you’ll use the opportunity just as the Countess said: an invitation for an adventure.
PE: reading & resources
- Premature ejaculation | The British Association of Urological Surgeons Limited
- Premature Ejaculation Myths | LloydsPharmacy Online Doctor UK
- Premature Ejaculation | MSD Manual
- Erectile dysfunction & premature ejaculation | Numan
Thank you so much for reading my little blog today! 🖤
While we’re here, would you like to read about some great times I had with my favourite penises? (And the men attached to them, obviously.)
I recommend starting here: