2018 seems to be the year for dating slang and new dating terms. A new one pops up what seems like every other day, and it can be hard work trying to keep up with it all. Thankfully, I’ve done the hard work for you – and today we’re unpacking a brand-new dating term: what is orbiting in dating?
What Does Orbiting in Dating Mean?
Have you ever been ghosted (in some version or another) by someone, only for them to keep liking your Instagram content, watching your Stories, and generally keeping up with everything that you’re doing?
That, my friends, is orbiting.
Imagine for a moment that you are planet Earth. The moon is your ex-crush that ghosted you. The moon keeps orbiting and watching what’s going on despite having no intention of rekindling the crush/situationship/romance/whatever.
Orbiting in dating is the act of circling or orbiting someone, after ghosting them, for no real reason whatsoever. I like to call it ‘post-crush stalking,’ and yes, I am a self-confessed orbiter.
What is An Orbiter in Dating?
An orbiter, in short, is someone who has already had their chance with you, and they weren’t interested in taking it. They ghosted you, remember? If they wanted you, they would have grabbed you with both hands. And if they ghosted you, they clearly didn’t grab you with both hands.
I personally see orbiting behaviour as breadcrumbing, but with fewer crumbs. They don’t text or call you; it’s plain ol’ stalking of your social media pages, plain and simple.
The orbiter is reminding you that they exist, just in case they ever fancy leading you on/ghosting/being a twat again in the future.
Why Do People Orbit in Dating?
As I’ve already said, I’m a self-confessed orbiter. I stalk my exes on a somewhat regular basis, just to check on them, see what’s happening with their lives, and hope that they’re not as happy as they were when we were ‘together.’
Why do I do it?
Well, I’m nosy. That’s pretty much the long and short of it. I’m nosy and more than a little neurotic. I look because I can, because I want to, and because they were once ‘mine.’ I’m a sentimental fool, and a bit of an emotional hoarder.
I don’t do it out of malice; it’s just because I like to see.
I don’t tend to stalk ghosters these days, though. I normally block those fuckers and never let them have access to me again… but it took me a long-ass time to get to that point. And mostly, it’s thanks to Simon (the bastard.)
Before, I’d stalk anyone that I had even the slightest whiff of a connection with… because why did they ghost me? The lack of answers makes my brain itch… but again, I’m neurotic.
Brianna Paruolo, LCMHC, founder and clinical director of On Par Therapy spoke to Jill Di Donato for GQ about the why behind orbiting in dating:
“Keeping someone in your orbit gives you the illusion of options and control,” she says. “What’s happening behind the scenes is a sabotaging or prevention of experiencing genuine connection.”
I say this a lot in this blog, and I’ll continue to say it until you all listen to me (and Brianna): all the time you’re wasting time on Mr or Mrs Wrong, you’re missing all the potential Mr and Mrs Rights.
More than that, though: you’re missing out on the potential of you.
But maybe Brianna Paruolo had a point when she mentioned “illusion of options and control.” As somewhat of a control freak, perhaps part of my orbiting behaviour was due to clinging on to the tiny shreds of control that I had left.
It’s definitely food for thought.
Other potential reasons why someone might orbit after ghosting include:
- They’re seeking validation from you
- You’re being benched (used for a backup plan)
- They’re not sure about you and might want to date you in the future
- Boredom and/or mindless social media activity
- Managing their own guilt over ghosting you
- Nostalgic memories
- You’re a habit that they can’t break
- Power and/or control
What to Do When Someone Orbits You
Stalking/watching your life once they have already ghosted you is a violation of all sorts of boundaries. What on earth gives them the right to keep checking out your life when they didn’t even give you the courtesy of saying “thanks, but no thanks.” And if they ghosted you, you didn’t mean a single thing to them. I’m sorry, but it’s true. We ain’t out here ghosting people that we really, really, really like – are we?
In my personal opinion (and it’s taken me a few bad experiences and plenty of years longing to come to this conclusion,) you should kick a ghoster and/or an orbiter to the kerb.
Would the love of your life really treat you that way?
Block the orbiter in every place that you can – every messaging app, social media platform, and even email if necessary. They’ve already had their chance with you, and they didn’t take it. Tell yourself that whenever you falter: they didn’t want their chance with you.
Don’t give them the satisfaction of being able to see your life. Stop letting that orbiter violate your boundaries – and if you’re giving them access to your life, that’s exactly what you’re doing. You’re letting them have access. You can take it away at any time you like, and I think it should be right now. The longer you let them see your life and content, the longer you’re giving them power over you… and they shouldn’t have a single atom of power. They don’t deserve it.
Get rid of them. Stop wasting your time.
Orbiting in Dating: Conclusion
Orbiting is, in short, when someone ghosts you, then seemingly stalks your social media profiles for weeks, months, or even years afterwards – and it’s all potentially designed to control you, allow them to pick you up when they get bored in the future, or just emotionally confuse you (and sometimes without even realising.)
Whatever the reason and intention, it’s a waste of your time. It’s time for you to block this one, then move on to a happier you.
Stop letting these bastards make your life miserable.
*Updated in 2026*
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
Would you like more dating advice like this? I recommend starting right here.
You can read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
Alternatively, why not have a little peek around here:
