Mr. Velvet, who I shall Velvet from this point onwards, was a man that I half-dated, but didn’t fuck… and I was very glad for that afterwards. I met him at the same place that I met Goth Boy: my first job. Velvet wasn’t someone that I’d noticed, but he’d definitely noticed me, and he made no efforts to hide that fact… despite the fact that he also had a girlfriend.
Allow me to explain (please!)
Velvet & Jenny
Velvet was dating a girl that we shall call Jenny, who also worked at my first job. Jenny was a plain Jane character, AKA everything I wasn’t, but she sure was pretty. She had one of those faces that looked just as good without makeup as it did with, and I actually hated that a bit. I’ve always looked a little rough without makeup, so I’d have given anything for her perfect skin with absolutely no hint of undereye circles.
Velvet and Jenny were pretty on/off for the entire time that I’d known them, and Horse Face (from the Goth Boy chapter) had set her sights on Velvet as soon as Goth Boy had chosen me. Velvet had no interest in her, though. He told me that on more than one occasion… but I suppose that could’ve been because he was trying to fuck me. Chances are, he was telling Horse Face all the same things that he was telling me.
When V&J were on one of their off spells, Velvet asked if I’d like to go on a drive with him. Back in those days, going for a drive was basically an excuse to get somewhere out of town, then make out in the car until the windows were all misted up. I said no. He was too… something for me. Boring? Straight? Square? Definitely something, anyway.
Next, Velvet asked if I wanted to listen to a new album that he’d just bought. The band had Velvet in the title; that’s all I remember. And he would never shut up talking about them… hence the blog name. Once again, I said no.
He asked and asked and asked until one day, at Christmas, around the same time that he’d given me the nickname “Tinsel Butt,” I finally said yes.
Velvet and I were going for a drink.
I don’t remember much of the date now, many years later, but I do remember being so bored out of my mind that I knew, we didn’t have a future. It was super disappointing after he’d pestered me for so long, then I’d finally given him a chance. We’d had such good banter at work, too.
Maybe he thought the date had been good, because at the end of it he then asked me for a second date. I made some excuse about checking me calendar and getting back to him (like I had a busy social calendar, or something?!) and then just… ghosted him, I suppose, back before ghosting even was a real thing.
Velvet & Horse Face
Once Velvet had finally accepted that I wasn’t coming back, he moved on. I’d assumed that he would run back to Jenny, tail between his legs, just like he’d done on so many occasions before. He didn’t, though; instead, he took Horse Face out on a date…
You know: the girl he had “no interest” in.
They had a few secret nights that weren’t so secret once he’d actually told me. It was a ploy to make me jealous, I think? It felt like it. The problem was, I wasn’t jealous – and that’s how I know that we’d never have a future.
If I’m not getting a little neurotic and paranoid about the man, I don’t like him enough.
Once Horse Face had had him, it seemed that she didn’t want Velvet, either. Approximately two weeks after they’d started, they’d stopped… and you’ll never guess what he did next.
Velvet & Jenny (Again)
Velvet went back to Jenny, just as we all knew that he would, but not before he tried one more time to take me out on another date. He must’ve gone running back to her within a minute of me texting him, “No, thanks,” because they were back on in the blink of an eye.
I mostly felt sorry for her. We all did. She might not have known about Velvet and me, but she definitely must’ve heard about Velvet and Horse Face. We were all talking about it; there’s no way she couldn’t have known.
It later came out that Velvet had, in essence, tried to fuck everyone at the workplace. It was interesting as he was such a square and boring person. I didn’t think he had it in him.
As for me: once I left my first job, I never saw or spoke to Velvet, Jenny, or Horse Face ever again.
The next blog post in the dating timeline is this one: Number 4b: Phone Credit Guy.
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
You can read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
Alternatively, why not have a little peek around here:
