That Time His Dick Scared Me

August 22, 2012May 29, 2025 notsosexinthecity Drunk

I mentioned The Chef previously, in my Halloween erotica story [Slutty Vampire,] so I thought it would be a good time to introduce you to him properly. Not that there is much to introduce; he was but a fleeting moment in my life, for big reasons. Literally. His dick scared me. I’m not exaggerating.

A little backstory

I met Chef – Number 8a – at work, in the bar that I met so, so many men that feature on this blog, such as:

We might be here for a while.

Anyway, he was the chef, and I worked behind the bar, and it didn’t take long for us to develop one of those little work flirtations. It didn’t mean anything to me. I was fairly sure it didn’t mean anything to him. He had one girlfriend after another for the whole time I’d known him, and I certainly wasn’t planning on being another one on that list.

We worked together for a while, then I moved on to pastures new. A few months later he apparently did the same. We lost touch.

A year or so after that, I’d bumped into him at another bar.

“Hello, you!” he said, giving me one of those hugs that only a six-foot-six man can give a five-foot-three woman.

We spent some time chatting, exchanged numbers again, and promised to hang out soon.

First, I’d invited him to the aforementioned Halloween party, but… well… while he was waiting, naked, in my bed, I’d ran off with my ex-boyfriend after fucking him out the bathroom window.

You honestly couldn’t make this shit up.

That time his dick scared me

I was at another friend’s house, drinking (as usual,) when I saw him again.

“Hello, you!” he said, throwing his arms around me again.

Déjà vu.

That night, we talked shit to each other for the entire night. We barely left each other’s sides, and it hadn’t gone unnoticed by everyone around us. Eventually, people started leaving the gathering, his roommate went to bed, and it was just… us.

“Coming to bed?” he asked, as nonchalantly as he’d have asked me if I wanted a cup of tea.

“Sure,” I said back, just as nonchalantly. Well, I tried to be nonchalant; my ears were ringing from his words.

He held out his hand and I took it, and we made our way to his bedroom. I made myself comfortable on the bed. He shuffled out of his jeans.

Then, we kissed.

I must be honest about something: I don’t remember much of what happened before the incident. I just remember the incident. I mean, it was pretty unforgettable, to be fair. I just remember taking his t-shirt off, taking my t-shirt off, then yanking down his baggy, black jeans.

I started kissing down his torso, and his dick started getting hard… which had been the desired effect.

What hadn’t been the desired effect, I’m sure, was the way I yelled – yes, yelled – at the top of my lungs: “Holy shit, how big is that?”

Friends, when I tell you that his dick was huge, I mean huge. Humungous. Possibly the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. It had length, girth, the lot. He should’ve been in porn.

“Are you going to suck it?” he said, more of a command than a question.

I snorted. Actually snorted. “I don’t fucking think so.”

I cringed as soon as the words left my mouth, and I definitely should’ve found a better way to say it. The thing is, I didn’t even think his dick would fit in my mouth, let alone my cunt – and that’s from years of experience with Fireman, who is also blessed with the biggest of dicks. Not quite as big as Chef’s, though.

I’m the big dick whisperer, apparently.

Chef looked at me for a second, like I’d just insulted his mother, or something. “Are you joking?”

“Chef,” I sighed. “I don’t think I’d ever physically recover from that.”

He sighed. I got the impression it wasn’t the first time he’d heard that. “Shall I call you a cab, or do you still want to sleep in the bed?”

I slept in the bed with him that night, dressed in his t-shirt and boxers, half-daring myself to give it a try. Even I knew better than that, though.

A girl’s gotta know her limits, right?

Chef and I didn’t try to date (or fuck) after that. In fact, we never spoke again.

I’ve never seen a dick like it. Formidable feels like the right word.

A formidable dick…

His formidable dick scared me.

Thank you so much for reading my little dating and sex blog today! 🖤

Want to read what comes next after The Chef? That would be Prison Micro Penis.