The No-Crap Guide to Love Bombing
Love bombing might sound like an explosion of romance, but it’s often anything but. Behind the grand gestures, constant attention, and declarations of undying love, there can be a hidden agenda of manipulation. This no-crap guide to love bombing cuts through the fluff and gets straight to the facts – helping you spot the signs, understand the impact, and protect yourself from falling into this emotional trap.
The no-crap guide to love bombing
Whether you’re navigating the dating world or simply curious about this buzzword, this guide has you covered with the uncensored truth.
Love bombing thrives on intensity and confusion, but knowledge is your best defence. By learning to recognise the signs and trusting your instincts, you can steer clear of manipulative relationships and focus on building healthy, authentic connections.
But let’s start with the basics…
What is love bombing?
Love bombing is when one person in a relationship/situationship/dating couple overwhelms the other person with love, compliments, affection, gifts, and more, with the sole purpose of making them (victim/love bombee) think that all of their dreams have come true.
It’s a whirlwind romance, of sorts, except one half person is forcing it whilst the other person is oblivious. The former often doesn’t mean a single word they say, whereas the latter is completely and utterly head-over-heels in love.
Or, at least, they think they are.
Chances are, they probably don’t even know the people they’re being love bombed by. Not really. They just know a version of someone that the love bomber portrayed.
Love bombing is, at its core, a form of emotional abuse, manipulation, and, oftentimes, the first rung on the ladder towards coercive control – or worse.
How love bombing works
The whole point of love bombing is so the love bomber can get what they want. It really is as simple as that. They want something, and they know that they can manipulate you to get it. It might be money, gifts, control, attention, adoration, or something else – but they want it, and they’re going to use you to get it.
Love bombing forces dependency, trust, love, and other aspects of a relationship that should otherwise come naturally. Love bombers probably aren’t in love, and they probably don’t think that you’re their soulmate. Those words and actions just work to manipulate people into believing they’re in love with an equally in-love partner.
Love bombers do whatever it takes to ensure that they are the most valuable and important person in their victim’s lives. It works, too. Love bombees very often are in love, and genuinely do believe that the bomber is everything in life. Literally everything. They have been completely swept off their feet by them, after all. The good outweighs the bad. When things are good, they’re so damn good, so the bad isn’t that bad.
As a result, the victim lowers all of their walls and boundaries, often doing things that they otherwise wouldn’t do. It forces an attachment and dependency, and the love bombing often increases during times of potential conflict, or when a victim wants to break ties.
Love bombing vs. real love: what’s the difference
There are huge differences between love bombing and real love, but it’s not always easy to tell the difference when you’re on the receiving end of wonderful compliments and beautiful gifts from someone who feels like they could be the love of your life.
Relationship speed/pace
Love bombers want you to love them as quickly as possible, so the entire relationship will feel rushed. You’ll swap numbers quicker than you usually would, and you’ll meet or step out of your boundaries without a second thought… all because the love bomber has made it feel completely natural and normal to do so.
The first “I love you” will happen quickly, probably much quicker than in previous relationships.
They might ask you to move in with them super quickly, after just a few weeks or months.
Love bombers might even propose marriage to you after a super short period of time. You likely won’t get married, though; you probably won’t make it that far.
Real love usually takes a little longer. Not always, of course… but usually.
Someone rushing you to take the relationship further is a big red flag, either way. The relationship should move at a pace that is comfortable for the both of you.
Too good to be true
Solace Women’s Aid states:
“We often hear women saying it all felt ‘too good to be true’ and use terms like ‘he seemed perfect at the beginning’, ‘I was the apple of his eye at the start’ or ‘he was the dream man’.”
As the old adage goes, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
A sense of being indebted
One reason why love bombing victims can’t walk away from their abusers is the fact that the abusers have done virtually everything for them – gifts, protection, security, flattery, confidence boosts, etc. Abusers will often “save” their victims, with new homes, jobs, cars, and more up for grabs. Because of this, victims feel like they are indebted to love bombers, adding confusing guilt to the rollercoaster mix of emotions.
How do you know if it’s love bombing?
Most victims of love bombing don’t realise they’ve been/are being love bombed until they’re well and truly addicted to the highs and lows of the relationship – and, at that stage, it feels almost impossible to cut all ties.
Love bombing can look different from one case to another, which is what makes it even harder, still, to determine whether or not it’s happening to you.
Let’s take a look at the most common signs that you’ve being loved bombed.
Love bombing signs
The following are all signs of possible love bombing – but they aren’t definitive symptoms:
- The relationship feels super intense
- Complimenting you all the time
- Calling you “soulmate” super early on
- Hugely romantic and over-the-top gestures
- Heaping ridiculous amounts of praise on you
- Needing constant communication – and getting upset when you can’t provide it
- Making promises that they can’t/don’t/won’t keep
- Elaborate date plans
- Saying “I love you” really early on the relationship
- Being super jealous of pretty much everyone else in your life
- Wanting to move in, get engaged, or otherwise move on the relationship on at an overly quick pace
- Being “unable” to live without you
- Refusing to accept or live by your boundaries – even the simplest ones
- Taking over your life – making plans, choosing outfits, etc.
- Excessive flattery
Love bombing examples
Looking back now, I personally think that Brown Eyes love bombed the shit out of me. It was a toxic relationship from start to finish, but right at the beginning, he threw love, compliments, and the happy-ever-after at me like it was the only weapon in his arsenal… and it worked.
I think I was love bombed by Sambuca, too. He sent gifts, told me that he loved me, demanded all of my time, got annoyed when I couldn’t/wouldn’t do what was asked, and more. And that devaluation/discarding stage hurt like a motherfucker.
What are the three stages of love bombing?
The three stages of love bombing are actually a cycle, make up of three segments. They are the love bombing stage, the devaluation stage, and the discarding stage, and they’re very typical and regular patterns that love bombers tend to stick to.
Let’s take a look at them in greater detail.
Stage one: love bombing
Stage one is the initial stage of the cycle, and it focuses on winning you over. It’s also sometimes known as the idealisation stage. The love bomber will ask questions, then say things like, “Oh, I also love that!” They’ll make promises that they won’t ever keep, overload you with compliments, overwhelm you with love, and plant the happy-ever-after seed.
Love bombees (AKA the victims) will fall hopelessly in love. They’ll think that all of their dreams have come true. Happy ever after is in sight.
Sigh.
The love bombing stage usually lasts for less than six months, according to studies, but it can last for much longer, even years in some cases.
Stage two: devaluation
Once the love bomber has their victim exactly where they want them, they’ll start the devaluation stage. During this stage, everything the victim does is wrong. Arguments will start over the smallest things, then escalate for days… usually until the victim then begs for forgiveness.
The love bomber is slowly but surely dissipating their victim’s self-worth, self-esteem, confidence, and more, by being super critical, demeaning, and even emotionally abusive. They are the most important and valuable person in the victim’s life, though… so the victim can’t break the cycle. The horrible, shitty, awful cycle.
Stage three: discarding
Once the love bomber has whatever they wanted or needed from their victim, they will discard them. This third stage of the cycle can also happen when the love bomber finds a new, better, more willing victim, at which point, they’ll start the process all over again with someone new.
Love bombers might end your relationship suddenly, out of nowhere. They’re also common ghosters and soft-ghosters, leaving their victims clueless, confused, and all sorts of emotionally screwed up.
Potential stage four: hoovering
Some love bombers will incorporate a fourth stage into the cycle of love bombing, and this fourth stage might also replace the third one (discarding) in some cases, particularly when the bomber isn’t finished with their victim yet.
During the fourth stage, known as hoovering, the love bomber will attempt to clean up/hoover the mess they’ve made. There might be lots of apologies, more promises that won’t be kept, guilt-tripping, and other emotional manipulation tactics, including gaslighting, all with the intention of starting the process again.
Once the victim has “forgiven” the love bomber (as best they can, anyway,) the bomber starts love bombing again. Along with the empty apologies and promises, there will probably be lots of “soulmate,” “perfect partner,” “I love you more than life,” etc.
Aaaaaand we’re right back to the beginning of the cycle again.
Are you ready for another round?
Why do people love bomb?
Alongside forcing an unnatural and fast relationship for control or other gains, love bombers love bomb for a wide range of reasons.
These include:
- Narcissism
- Forcing you to feel insecure, lessening the chances of you breaking up with them
- Unintentional love bombing
- Because they enjoy it
Can love bombing be genuine/unintentional?
Yes, love bombing can, at times, be unintentional or genuine displays of love.
That’s the problem with things like love bombing: it might be completely innocent… or it might not – and you’ll never know until you’re right in the middle of it and learning the hard way. Or y’know, hopefully not.
Sometimes, you will meet the love of your life, fall in love super quickly, and feel like everything is too good to be true – for it to be actually true. You’ve found your happy ever after.
Sometimes, though, that won’t be the case. You’ve met a love bombing narcissist instead, and they’re going to make your life hell for as long as you give them permission to – and then longer after you revoke that permission.
What I’ll say, and what I always say is, trust your gut.
If something feels weird, too good to be true, or out of sorts for any kind of reason, even if you don’t know what reason is, run a million miles away. There’s a reason your gut feels that way. There’s something about that person that doesn’t feel right. Listen to that weird feeling. It might just save your life. At the very least, it’ll probably save your sanity.
What does love bombing feel like?
Love bombing, at first, feels like every one of your dreams have come true. It’s a real-life Disney moment, where you meet your soulmate in an adorable meet-cute, then sail off into the sunset, living happily ever after.
Until shit goes wrong, obviously – and it will.
Once the honeymoon period is over, love bombers will make you feel like shit at every possible opportunity. It’ll be over the most ridiculous things, too – not messaging back quickly enough, wearing a too revealing outfit, sharing a certain post on social media, or even just seeing relatives.
The love bomber has moved on to the devaluation stage. It’s time to diminish your self-worth and confidence until you can barely leave the house without having an anxiety attack.
Relationships with love bombers feel like rollercoasters – the really big ones, with all the loops and upside-down bits. One minute, you’re up; the next minute, you’re down. And you can’t really tell what’s coming next; everything is blurry and moving too fast.
Rollercoasters end after a few minutes, though.
Love bombing relationships keep going until you’re broken, and they’re bored.
What to do if you’re being love bombed?
Think of love bombing like black mould that grows in damp, dark, moist environments. If you ignore it and do nothing about it, the problem will get worse until it starts affecting your physical health.
That’s exactly what love bombing is like. It starts small, grows quickly, and before you know it, you’re crying your eyes out because things have gone badly, and your heart is actually broken.
In order to stop the love bombing from happening, you must disinfect the mould. Clean it up, get rid of all the contaminated stuff, and use the special paint that prevents it from ever coming back. Or, in real terms, breakup, block from every possible app, delete every trace of them from your life, and make sure you never go running back or let them back in.
I know it sounds dramatic, but that’s what you must do.
Every time you message back or respond to a love bomber, you’re feeding the black mould. You must starve it out. Never give it attention again. They will continue to ruin you, in every which way you could imagine, until you have nothing left to give.
Speak to friends, family, and loved ones, and be honest about your situation. The only way someone can help you is if you reach out for help; otherwise, nobody knows that you need help. On the outside, relationships with love bombers often look virtually perfect… until they’re not.
How does love bombing end?
Love bombing ends either when the love bomber moves on after getting bored of you, or when you finally cut all ties. The former is probably going to happen before the latter. That’s, unfortunately, how abuse goes – and you must remember that love bombing is abuse.
There are two stages in the love bombing process that come into play towards the end of your relationship with a love bomber: devaluation and discarding. They will first devalue you by totally destroying your confidence and self-worth, then they will discard you, because you’re no longer of use to them and/or they’ve found another willing victim.
The no-crap guide to love bombing: summary
Remember, real love isn’t about sweeping you off your feet in a storm of affection – it’s about steady support, mutual respect, and growing together over time. With the tools from this guide to love bombing, you’re equipped to see through the noise and embrace what truly matters in love.
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
If you found this blog post helpful, I think you might also like these:
- 21 Signs You’re Dating the Wrong Person
- Should I Give a Second Chance to Someone Who Ghosted Me?
- What to Do When You’ve Been Ghosted
