21 First Date Safety Tips from an Ex-Slut

Hello, folks! So, you’re going on a first date, eh? Super exciting stuff! Super nerve-wracking, too, right? I’m here to share my hottest first date safety tips, all designed to keep you safe, happy, and dating the right ways.

The wrong ways…

Well, they might just get you killed.

(Sorry.)

 

21 first date safety tips

Some of the first date safety tips you’re about to read might seem a little extreme, but as a woman, I can tell you first-hand how quickly things can go badly, dangerously, or worse. These tips have been learned through twenty years of dating, loving, breaking up, making up, great first dates, terrible first dates, and some dates I’d much rather never remember again.

And if you needed any further proof as to how much care you should take on a first date, just take a look at the stories of Katie Locke, killed on her first date with a man who then took his own life in prison. (I refuse to write the perpetrator’s name.)

Essex Backpacker Grace Millane was murdered on her first date with another man whilst traveling around New Zealand.

Kate Beagley was killed in London by a guy she went on a first date with, back in 2007.

Stephen Port drugged and murdered his male victims on first dates.

Sade Robinson was allegedly killed by a man she’d gone on a first date with, in Milwaukee, just last year.

42-year-old Maria Campai was murdered and her body abandoned in Palma, Italy, after going on a date with a 17-year-old boy. News reports state:

He also told officers he wanted to “know what it feels like to kill a person”.

So, yeah… these first date safety tips might just save your life.

At the very least, they might make it easier for the cops to solve your disappearance/murder/other Very Bad Things.

 

1: Always tell someone…

… where you’re going, who you’re going with, when you’re going there, and how long you plan on being on the date for.

Why?

Sorry to be all doom and gloom, but if you get kidnapped – or worse, at least someone will know where you last were, who you were with, and the other useful information that investigators should know.

If you’re really smart, you’ll turn on location sharing for someone you trust, such as a bestie, sister, colleague, etc. Then, they can see where you are if you don’t answer for a while.

Once upon a time, I asked a date (Brown Eyes) if he would give me his driving license for me to take a photo of, then send to my male best friend. Brown Eyes said yes. I sent a photo of his driving license to my BFF. No one had any issues.

I did the same thing for The Director – no issues.

My point? Good people don’t care that you’re trying to stay safe. If any of those guys had said no to my request, I’d have walked out and gone home.

You don’t care about my safety?

Well, you just don’t give a shit about me, do you?

 

2: Don’t go to their house

Always meet someone for the first time in a public place, preferably with people around. Cafes, restaurants, attractions and landmarks – there are plenty of perfect public places to go for your first date, even on a budget.

What if they’re inviting you to their house to lock you in the basement? And not in a good way?

And yes, they can still Very Bad Things to you on the second, third, fourth, or even fiftieth date… but at least you’re not going to a complete stranger’s house for a first date-turned-murder, right?

Think about it. When the true crime documentary comes out, the narrator will say, “They travelled to their date’s house, despite never having met them before,” then everyone in the audience will say, “Fucking idiot.”

Don’t be that person.

 

3: Don’t invite them to your house

What happens if your date does really weird stuff, cringes you out, or says something so jaw-droppingly awful that you plan on never setting eyes on them again? Because, let’s face it, so many dates don’t end up going according to plan… or daydream.

Inviting complete strangers to your house is an even bigger no-no than going to their house on a first date, in my opinion. They will know where you live. The exact place. They might stalk you. Lie in wait for you. Break into your house and steal your underwear…

You see where I’m going with this?

 

4: Wear “your” clothes

Once upon a time, many years ago, I wrote a similar blog post of first date safety tips, including a part on wearing what makes you feel happy and comfortable. In the post, I also stated that you shouldn’t go out dressed all “slutty,” if you don’t feel happy wearing it.

Some daft cow went absolutely apeshit. I was “slut shaming,” apparently, so she started a bizarre little hate campaign about me, with an accompanying hashtag.

Lolz.

I despise her to this day, and yes, I even internally chuckled when certain business ventures didn’t go her way. Petty and bitchy? Yup. Proud of it? Yup.

Anyway, getting back to the topic in hand: Wear whatever the fuck you like. Slutty, conservative, an inflatable dinosaur costume – whatever the fuck you want on your first date. 

But if you don’t feel comfortable, happy, or hot in it, don’t wear it.

As a little side note, what’s the point in wearing something to your first date that you would never usually wear? I mean, I’m all for stepping out of your comfort zone, but if you can’t walk in and hate heels, it would probably be a terrible idea to wear them.

 

5: If it feels too good to be true…

… it probably is.

We all want to believe in the happy-ever-after, love at first sight, and all of those other cliches… but they’re cliches for a reason – and we live in increasingly dangerous times. I’m sorry to burst all the love bubbles, but is it really possible for that person to fall in love with you, in just a few days, without actually knowing anything about you? 

Or… is it just love bombing?

Use a little common sense in your pursuit of love.

If it feels too good to be true… maybe it is?

 

6: Got a weird feeling? Trust it

You know that weird feeling you get in your gut sometimes? It feels like danger, or like something deep down is warning you not to do the thing you’re about to do. Well, you should listen to it.

If your date gives you the worst vibes, leave. Go home. You don’t need to stay anywhere, you don’t feel comfortable.

Again, if it feels too good to be true, it probably is. Leave. Go home.

If something, anything feels weird, odd, off, or something unpleasant, for any reason, just go home. Call a friend or loved one, book yourself a cab, or run. Just leave.

If you get a weird feeling now, how do you think you’re going to feel when you’re in bed next to them on a Sunday morning?

 

7: To booze or not to booze

I’m not telling you what to do in this list of first date safety tips, but I do have a few things to say about getting blind drunk on a first date – and I’m speaking from painful experience.

Don’t get smashed on your first date.

By all means, have a drink or two – but don’t go out-out.

If you get blind drunk, to the point where you blackout and don’t remember a single thing, how will you know if something bad is happening, or has happened?

I got blind drunk and went home with some guy, on the other side of the world, where I didn’t know anyone, couldn’t find my way home, and didn’t even have a phone to call for help. I vaguely remember having sex with that random guy. Did I consent? Who knows. I don’t remember much. One thing I do remember, though, is leaving. Trying to leave. He was annoyed. I think I pushed him away from me at least once, and I think I ran out of his front door shoeless. I have no idea how I got home, or how long I was wandering the streets in the wrong direction for.

Imagine if that chap had murdered me. I mean, I’m glad he didn’t… but he could have. Nobody knew where I was. I didn’t even know where I was. Absolutely blind drunk, making the most dangerous decisions without a care in the world.

So, yeah, that’s why I don’t recommend getting sozzled on your first date with a complete stranger… who could actually murder you if they wanted to.

 

8: Is your phone charged?

Do you have cab money? And I mean real cash? What happens if you lose your phone? Maybe you should shove a twenty in that space in your bra designed for padding… or in your socks.

Do you have a safe ride home? Have you booked a proper cab company, or do you have the number of a proper cab company at the ready? What happens if they aren’t available? Do you have a backup?

These things might seem a little too overthinking, but I have personally found myself hungover, stranded, with a dead phone and no way of paying for any form of public transport… in a mini dress with ripped fishnets and thigh-high boots. And I fell over. In front of traffic. In broad daylight.

Walk of shame, INDEED.

 

9: Put a “help” call place

If you’ve told a close friend or loved one where you’re going, who you’re going with, and how long you’re expected to be out for and/or shared your location, you should also ask them to call you at a certain time.

If your date is picking you up at 8 pm, ask your safety person to call you at 9 pm, asking for help.

You’ll make your apologies and step away from the table/your date, then take the call.

If the date is going well, you can tell your safety person that everything is fine.

If the date isn’t going well and you’d rather leave, you can say that the call was urgent, and you need to leave to save someone’s life/put out a burning house/rescue a cat up a tree/help a fallen friend/etc.

You can use the call as a get-out-of-jail-free card. Or, if you’d prefer, a get-out-of-the-date card.

And your date can’t argue it. What kind of asshole would argue about a family emergency (or whatever) on a first date?!

(Don’t answer that. I could probably name a few myself.)

 

10: Rethink them picking you up/dropping you home

If your date picks you up from your home, they’ll know where you live.

If your date takes you home after the date, they’ll know where you live.

That probably won’t be an issue if the date goes well and you’re planning on seeing them again, but what if you’re not? Worse than that, what if you’re not interested… but they are persistent?

Why not get your date to pick you up from around the corner, two roads over, or somewhere else that’s not right in front of your house? I know it sounds super cautious, but I once had a guy anonymously post Hershey’s chocolate bars through my letter box. No notes, no texts to explain why, no mention of who they were from… just random chocolate bars on my doormat every few days.

It’s not the worst way to get stalked, but it could have been a lot worse – piss, shit, anthrax…

I stopped letting dates pick me up from my house at that point. I’ll meet them at the restaurant/bar/train station instead.

 

11: Have a “plan” for afterwards

Right at the beginning of a first date with a brand-new person I try to put in some sort of “plan” for after the date. The plan doesn’t involve the date, and nine times out of ten, it’s not even genuine.

But…

If I’m meeting someone new for coffee at two in the afternoon, I’ll drop into the conversation something like, “Oh, yeah, I’ve got to run errands/help my mother/drop some work stuff off after this.”

If I then don’t have a good time on the date, I’ve got a reason to leave. I can’t stay for any longer because of that thing I have to do. Sorry. My apologies. I’ll send the awkward “It’s not you, it’s me,” message later on.

What happens when you get to the end of the date, but they say, “Let’s hang out some more?”

It would be weird to drop the, “Oh, I have a thing to do,” right there. It would probably look super obvious that you’re trying to run, too. It would to me, anyway.

 

12: Keep your drinks covered and monitored

When I was 14 years old (again, in the time before iPhones,) someone put something in my drink. The something? We never found out. The drink was a two-litre bottle of full-fat (red) Coca-Cola. I was at a bonfire night event with a bunch of school friends, and my friends invited a couple more from a different school – boys that were a year or two older.

Long story short, I let one of those older boys take a swig of my drink. The next thing I know, my boyfriend at the time dumped an unconscious me on the doorstep of my parents’ home, knocked on the door, then did a runner.

I hadn’t even started drinking at that point (very much a stoner from the get-go,) so I knew I hadn’t been boozing it up like my parents thought.

The moral of this story?

It takes a FRACTION of a second to put something in your drink – even a non-alcoholic one – without you knowing. Keep an eye on your drinks. If it looks weird, smells weird, or otherwise feels weird, don’t drink it. Spill it if you need to. You can always buy a new drink. You can’t buy back one totally forgotten night, during which anyone could have done anything.

 

13: Park somewhere else

Going back to what I said about not having your date pick you up from your house or street, to avoid them knowing where you live, I also recommend grabbing a taxi to your first date – or parking somewhere else.

Again, if the date doesn’t go well and they turn into a crazed stalker, they’ll know what car you’re driving. If you don’t drive the car/let them, see the car, they won’t know what you’re driving, will they? They also won’t be able to keep an eye on you, put a tracker on it, or break in to sit and wait in the back seat, either.

See where I’m going with this?

 

14: Take condoms

I’m not here for the first date fuck debate. If you want to do it, do it. If you don’t, don’t. That’s my only say on the matter. I’m not judging you for fucking on a first date, but I did and do judge myself for it. But that’s just human nature, right?

If you have condoms in your purse/wallet/handbag/pocket/wherever, you can’t accidentally get pregnant, get someone else pregnant, or catch an STI. I mean, you can, but your chances are greatly reduced.

What happens if you get down n’ dirty with a hot date only to remember that you’re not packin’ protection? What if they don’t have protection? Are you going to run down to the local corner store for a pack of condoms? Or… are you just going to fuck them regardless?

That’s a one-way street to STI and unwanted baby city, but hey, you do you.

 

15: Google ‘em

I know, I know, we all know how to do this now… right?

Actually, wrong.

I had a chat with a young’un just the other day, and she said, she’d never Googled a date before in her life. I turned to her and said, “Are you out of your fucking mind?”

What if her date had been in prison for a violent crime towards women? A quick Google search might’ve told her that.

There might not be a single piece of information about them on the web, which is becoming the norm now, but you never know, right? It’s one of those first date safety tips that could actually save your life! 

Googling/social stalking your date could also reveal hidden wives/partners/families, lies about jobs/trips/cars/etc. and more.

 

16: Consider a video call pre-date

By speaking on a video call before the date, you’ll get a sense of whether they truly are who they say they are. If they’re using twenty-year-old photos on their profile, you’ll see that when you video call them. If they’re someone else entirely, they probably won’t want to video call you at all, and the same goes for scammers, assholes, married ones, and other baddies you’d rather avoid.

 

17: Avoid personal details (at first)

In the same way that a bad date will know where you live if they pick you up from your home, that same bad date will know where you work if you tell them as much.

Personal details should be kept personal until you work out whether or not they’re a good date or a bad date. Do you really want a scorned non-lover turning up at work, ranting and raving? Can you imagine how humiliating that would be?

Be wary of how much of your information you give away to people you actually don’t know what well at all.

 

18: Have boundaries – and stick to them!

If you don’t want to go back to their home after the first date, don’t go. You make the rules. It’s your date as well as theirs, and you don’t have to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

No means no.

Anything else… well, that’s just non-consensual.

It’s absolutely fine to go with the flow, but make sure that you know what your limits and boundaries are, and then actually stick to them.

 

19: Don’t expect them to pay

I’m speaking from uncomfortable personal experience when I tell you that some people want you to give them sex in exchange for the meal/drinks/whatever, they’ve paid for.

Yeah, I know, it’s bullshit. Gross. Weird. All the other words.

If you have your own money, with intentions to cover your own bill, you won’t find yourself in a situation where someone expects you do something for them in exchange for dinner. 

Can you believe we have to say this shit in 2025?

Shakes head.

 

20: Prioritise your safety over politeness

It’s deeply engrained in women to act politely rather than tell a man who won’t keep his hands to himself, to fuck off. 

Fuck that politeness, though.

Men (or any gender) aren’t polite when they push for something that you’re not happy with. They aren’t polite when they’re calling you frigid for saying no, or a slag for saying yes. They’re not polite at all when they’re forcing you to ignore your boundaries.

If you want to say no, say no.

Just be careful.

Follow the other first date safety tips on this list and keep dates at arm’s length until they’re proven not to be a dick/psycho/whatever.

 

21: Never feel obligated

Whether it’s a second date, going for a nightcap, staying for the entire date, texting them later, or anything else, never feel obligated to do it. Life is far, far too short to be wasting time on the wrong ones. The right ones will pass you right by.

Be honest about how you feel. If it’s not right, don’t force it. Settling for meh will just make you unhappy in the long run.

 

First date safety tips: conclusion

There is always going to be an element of risk involved when you’re meeting complete strangers from the internet, even if you have been talking to them for years, or even decades. It is super easy to portray yourself as anyone you want to be, including someone you’re not. Heck, we’ve all told a little white lie on an online dating app, right?

By incorporating these first date safety tips – from someone who did most of their serious dating in a time before the iPhone was even invented – you’ll reduce the risk of Very Bad Things happening to you. And, if the Very Bad Things do happen (and I really, really, really hope they don’t,) someone will hopefully know enough information to point the emergency services in the right direction.

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Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤

If you found this blog post useful, I think you might also like these:

• 12 Signs You’re About to get Ghosted
• The No-Crap Guide to Love Bombing
• 21 Signs You’re Dating the Wrong Person