The other day I saw something on Facebook that actually made me gasp out loud: an ex-boyfriend’s new wife announced her pregnancy. I wasn’t jealous or sad or any of those emotions, though; I was genuinely surprised that he’d managed to keep a woman satisfied in bed enough to not only marry her but also impregnate her.
Bitchy? Most definitely, but what else are anonymous sex and dating blogs for?
Bad in Bed
You see, this man was ‘bad in bed.’ By that I mean, I did not like, enjoy, or appreciate any of his moves. It was terrible. I’m surprised that he even came; that’s how bad the sex was. Afterwards I saw him meet women, date them, then lose them, over and over and over again… and I always put it down to him being bad in bed. I’d resigned him to the perpetually single box because he clearly never learned. I also vowed never to sleep with him again. Obviously.
But what about now, years later? He can’t be that bad in bed with the wifey, can he? Perhaps he’s learned a trick or two, or improved his technique since our poor attempt at a dalliance? I sure hope so. What if he hasn’t, though? What if he’s pulling the same shitty tricks on her that he pulled on me? What if he’s still bad in bed?
I started thinking: is one woman’s trash another woman’s treasure?
Or… are those women overlooking bad sex for the sake of a good relationship?
Bad in Bed, or Just Incompatibility?
We’re all different. We all like different things. I know that. I’m fully aware of that. But I honestly can’t think of a single woman that would like and appreciate those kinds of moves. We, she, they all deserve better than that.
Does this mean that women are having great relationships with absolutely terrible sex in the background? Are men doing that too? Is that a thing that people do? Sex is quite important to me and despite my best efforts, I couldn’t get around the fact that Bear and I weren’t having sex. I’m not looking for another roommate or best friend. I want a lover – one that I’m actually excited to hop in the sack with. I can’t, couldn’t, and didn’t make past relationships work with partners that, to me, were ‘bad in bed.’ I want and need sex for my relationships to work. If the sex isn’t there, there needs to be some other form of intimacy to fill in that gap.
Maybe, just maybe, my trash really is her treasure. Maybe wifey is having the time of her life over there. There’s a chance that she has ‘taught’ him to do better, I suppose. She could’ve adapted his technique to better suit her body, or told him the thing that I chose not to, forcing him to buck his ideas up: you are bad in bed.
But… again… what if he’s still bad in bed?
Love & Satisfaction
I rewatched Sex in the City a while back and one piece of advice stuck in my mind: a relationship works when he loves her more than she loves him. I think it’s more like he needs to be more sexually satisfied in a relationship than she is, for that relationship to work? More likely, it’s all bullshit… but let’s just ponder that last line. My biggest kink has always been being their biggest kink, so many of my relationships have worked best when they were a little more sexually satisfied than me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some damn great times… but I try to go out of my way to make sure that they have better ones. It’s rare, in my experience, for them to do the same for me. Maybe I’ve just chosen the wrong people?
But do sexually satisfied men cheat less than their less satisfied counterparts? Are women more likely to disregard good sex for the sake of a good man? Maybe, to some people, sex just isn’t that important, so they don’t mind settling for less. Does someone always have to settle for something when it comes to love?
I guess, what I’m trying to ask is, what happens to the bad-in-bed people that we try not to think about too much? Do they miraculously get better at sex? Are their wives happy, or are they just settling?
Was he bad in bed, or were we just incompatible?
Answers on a postcard, please. (Or just below/anonymously via NGL.)
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
Fancy reading more just like this? You’ll find it right here.
You can also read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
Alternatively, why not have a little peek around here:
