So, I Got Turned Down

Yesterday, I got a text totally out of the blue. It was from Number 5, also known as The Fireman, who I first introduced (briefly) to you in WHEN WAS YOUR FIRST TIME … ? (PART FOUR: HEARTBREAK).

“I live just around the corner from you now and I’m at a loose end tonight. Would you like to come round for a drink? See my new pad?”

Yes, of course I did. The Fireman has a huge cock (probably too big, to be honest) and he knew how to use it. It would be just sex between us because it always was just sex. We would meet up every now and then when one of us was at a ‘loose end’, have a few drinks, reminisce about our past, and end up messin’-up the sheets together. It hasn’t happened for a while, admittedly. In fact, I haven’t seen him since I came home from The Other Side of the World. It was about time I received that text. We dated for almost two years, back when I was 17/18 years old, very on and off. The tail end of it was mostly off. Just exes sleeping together in that stupid way that exes do. But we still sleep together in that stupid way that exes do. I can’t remember the last time we saw each other that we didn’t end up in bed together.

I rushed home from work, showered, shaved, primped n’ preened to within an inch of my life, wore my hair in that way he told me liked, applied a little more makeup than usual, and spritzed myself with my favourite perfume. Yanking my underwear from the chest of drawers, I selected my favourite set, put it on, chose a relatively innocent outfit to go over the top, and walked my ass right round to his house … all of two minutes away.

We did what we always did: we had a few drinks, reminisced about our past, and it wasn’t long before the conversation turned to sex. He looked at me in that way, I looked at him in that way, and then I got up off the chair, sassed myself over to him, and leaned in for the kiss …

He said no.

Huh?

This hasn’t happened before. Why the fuck did he say no? He never says no. I’m the girl he can’t say no to. He told me that! He tells me that every time we meet up and fuck. So … what makes this time any different? And how come I ended up hanging around in an alleyway at midnight, waiting for him to change his mind, like some drunken moron?

“I’m dating this girl now …”

Ahhh, another woman. Okay, fair play. It might’ve been nice of him to tell me that before I bothered with my almost-3-hour get-ready ritual. I only really went there for sex.

He’s been dating ‘this girl’ for a year. Relationships haven’t ever stopped him from sleeping with me before, but this one is different, apparently. He thinks he’s grown up now. And he loves her. He can see a future with her. Blah, blah, blah.

I’m happy for him, obviously, but I definitely wasn’t happy for him at the time. It kinda felt like we were playing a game, not that game-playing is new to us. Our entire two-year relationship was one big game. But I couldn’t understand why he would’ve started off the way he always did, asking me if I wanted to go around for a drink because he was at a loose end, if he had wanted to change the outcome. And how come it took him until I almost kissed him for him to tell me that he was now in a serious relationship? Surely that should’ve been one of the first things that came out of his mouth when he found himself in his living room, with a bottle of beer in hand, having a good ol’ chit-chat with his ex-girlfriend — also known as the girl he can’t say no to?

And moving aside from that, just for a moment, I’m fucking furious that I wasted a fuck-get-ready for a boy who didn’t actually fuck me. I wouldn’t have gone to all of that effort if I’d have known it was literally just a flipping drink. I don’t like being turned down. I know nobody likes getting turned down, but this time was especially humiliating. It was as though he waited for me to initiate it before dropping that huge bomb on me. I’m actually a bit proud of him for not taking what was handed to him on a plate, but fuck him. I think he did it deliberately. I think he deliberately waited until that very moment for his news to have maximum impact.

Like, what did you call me for, then?

You’re my ex and occasional fuck-buddy.

We ain’t friends, boy.