Here We Go Again. 

So. The fucking Ex. She’s back. Jock and I had been sailing along just splendidly for a while. Well, not exactly splendidly but we were doing OK. To be fair, nothing exciting had happened in a while. It was inevitable that something would go to shit. It just had to be her didn’t it.

Fuck I hate her.

I don’t get what this woman’s problem is. Honestly. There is no fucking need for this bullshit. She’s like a petulant child. It’s ridiculous.

Apparently, two weeks ago when Jock and I had a beautiful date followed by AMAZING sex, it first started. He had secretly added her as a friend on Facebook again because she was going to send him pics of the kid or something like that. She saw a photo that I had shared of us having coffees and apparently went spastic at him. Oh no sorry, I’m not allowed to use the term “spastic” am I? That’s not politically correct. Let me think…. She went fucking batshit crazy. How’s that?

I don’t really know exactly what happened because Jock did what Jock does best – stirs up shit and then runs for the hills. He’s a fucking asshole like that. HE told me the bare minimum and then refused to answer any more questions. And then I hung up on him.

He told me that he was seeing the kid on Sunday… My only day off. He knew that. I imagine she did too. I would imagine it came up in conversation when they were making arrangements for him to spend time with the kid. That’s the only day she would allow him to see her – my day off. Apparently he then deleted her from Facebook again. How very playground of us.

Why is she still so angry about things that I post up about our relationship? She’s been with the guy she’s engaged to now for about the same time as Jock and I have been dating. Why’s she making our lives hell? For fucks sake WHY?

Things are not finished between the two of them, are they? That’s patently obvious now. She wouldn’t still be like this if it was over. She wouldn’t be freaking out over photos of two cups of coffee. She wouldn’t be saying he can only see the kid on my days off. She wouldn’t be doing any of this. It just wouldn’t be happening. And he wouldn’t let it keep happening. That’s the long and short of it all, isn’t it? He hasn’t got what it takes to fuck her off. He hasn’t got it. She’s still got her claws into him. She’s always going to. Because of the kid.

I thought I’d be handling it pretty well but the fact that Jock hid all of the fighting between them from me for two whole weeks, and only brought it up because I asked about it, just proved that I’m clearly not the most approachable of girlfriends. He really couldn’t tell me about it? That’s the one thing I loved the most about us – we had no secrets. We were a team. We were united. Now we’re not. We’re not because he has secrets from me. I don’t have any secrets from him. Well, he doesn’t know that I went for a drink with The Fireman but that’s only because I’ve not seen Jock. If he asked about it, I would totally tell him. Totally. No, honestly I would.

That’s besides the point though – he didn’t tell me. And if I hadn’t asked, he would have never spilt the beans. It makes me wonder what else he has conveniently forgotten to tell me. Are there other fights I don’t know about? Are there other scenarios I should know about? I don’t want to even consider the fact that something may have happened between them. Before this point, it had never even entered my mind that, that could be the case. Now I’m starting to wonder. The seed has been planted. And you know what crazy girls are like when the seed gets planted. Next I’ll be going through his phone and checking his collars for lipstick marks. Well, probably not the collars. I don’t even think he owns a collared shirt.

Seriously though, when the fuck is this going to stop? They are like two kids in a playground. It’s pathetic. What the fuck?! Why are they still going around in the nasty break-up circle over two and a half years later? Do they still have feelings for her? I didn’t think he had feelings for her before, but now I’m starting to second-guess. I think it’s crystal clear she’s still hung up on him. She wouldn’t be doing any of this if she wasn’t. What the fuck am I meant to do?

I don’t want to share my guy with anyone and to be honest, I don’t think it’s unreasonable of me to ask that. Is it so wrong for me to still have some belief in the fairytale? I may have married the wrong guy before but I wouldn’t have kids with the wrong guy. That’s so sacred – making a life together. It’s not something that should be given away to anyone. I knew the guys before Jock were wrong and that’s why I didn’t have children with them. I never wanted to have children with them. With Jock I know. I know one hundred million percent now that I want to have children with him. I’d do it right now if I could. I don’t want to share him. The kid’s not even his! I know it’s wrong of me to say that, and trust me, my “Papa” isn’t my real Papa so I know better than anyone, but come on! Give it a fucking rest already.

I don’t think I can do this. He might be my fairly tale guy but this isn’t my fairy tale scenario. It’s really not. And I know right now is just one moment in time and everything can change around but it’s not showing any signs of changing at any point soon. We’re in exactly the same place as we were on day one – we may have fallen in love with each other but things aren’t moving any faster forward. We’re not living together. There’s no talk of us living together. There’s no rock on my finger. There’s no baby. There’s just an Ex that won’t fuck off and leave us alone.

Help me?