He Makes Me Smushy
First, he fell asleep on me. Then, he blew me out. I blew him out in retaliation, and now he’s no longer hungover, and pining for me like some lost puppy dog. I think I’ve made my point now. He knows how annoyed I was with him for switching our plans around so easily. And if I blow him out every time he blows me out, he’ll soon get how fucking annoying it is. I mean, yeah, that’s petty, but I’m thinking of it like puppy dog clicker training. If he does good, he’ll get good. If he does bad, he’ll get my fucking silent treatment and that’s that.
It’s been about a week since we last saw each other. We still have another four or five sleeps to go. Ugh. I miss him. He makes me smushy even when I’m mad at him, and he keeps saying all the right things.
It’s soppy as fuck but I don’t care. He melts me. My heart, it melted. My insides turned to total mush, my knees weak, my heart racing … all that crappy, cliche stuff. He has this amazing trick of being able to say the right thing after I’ve been annoyed with him and I’m instantly not annoyed at him anymore. It’s like I’m an open book to him. I don’t know how he keeps doing it.
But he’s kinda saying that he thinks I’m ‘the one’, right? If every prince has a princess and he thinks he’s found his … I’m ‘the one’? Those are pretty big words to say to someone you’ve only known for three months. He either falls in love really easily and really quickly … or he’s definitely certain that I’m the princess to his prince. (And yes, I’m cringing a bit as I’m typing the words, but just let me have my smushy moment, okay?)
We still haven’t actually said the L-word to each other yet, but we’re still doing that thing where we kinda half say it. He rawrs me, I rawr him, blah blah blah. I’m now more certain than ever that I do love him, but I’m not feeling brave enough to drop the words yet. I thought he’d have said it by now, to be honest. I think we’re both just kinda winging it. Everything else between us has been done the winging-it way, so it makes sense for us to just follow that pattern.
When he does say it, I’m pretty sure I’ll say it right back. Not because he’s said it; because I’ve been wanting to say it for a while now but I’m too scared to blurt it out first. I just want it to be in-the-moment, where it slides out of my mouth because it feels like the right thing to do. Not forced or coerced. Just natural.
I can’t wait to see him again. Just a few more sleeps to go. We’ve not made proper plans yet because I’ve told him I need to work. That’s my backup plan in case he pisses me off again: I’ll just tell him a work thing has dropped in. I have the whole weekend booked off, but I’m not going to tell him that just now. I’m not sure if I’m ready for an entire weekend sleepover. Or maybe I am? I’m proper pining for him right now. You can probably hear me sighing from wherever you are.
*sigh*
