Do You Have Children?

16/10/2015: Operation Blog Catch-Up

It’s a topic we’ve kinda touched on a couple of times but ‘the future’ isn’t something The Director and I had really discussed up until this point. We’ve been on five or six dates, albeit 24-hour long ones, but I kinda figured it was probably a bit too soon to bring up something as serious and long-term as that.

Apparently not. 

We were chatting and laughing, chilling in his bed as we do and we started talking about the things we’d done in our lives – the places we’d been, the people we’d dated, what happened with them, etc. He’s in his 40’s and never married. One ex cheated and another ex, he had nothing in common with and they rarely had sex. He’s the most sexual person I’ve ever met. I don’t really understand how someone can be in a six year plus relationship with zero sex… I guess for some people it really isn’t that important. I wouldn’t last five minutes.

I decided to ask him outright. After all isn’t this a deal-breaker for me now?

“Do you have children?”

“What a ridiculous question. Don’t you think I’d have told you about them by now if I did? No, I don’t have children.”

“Sorry, just thought I’d check!”

I delved a little deeper.

Why hadn’t he had kids? 

He told me that he thought he was going to with one ex and then she cheated on him. And the other one, well he didn’t have sex with her enough for that to happen. He asked the same question so I figured I’d answer it honestly — I thought I was going to have kids with Jock. He was the first person who made that a viable option for me. He was the first man I’d ever met who I genuinely thought would make a great father to our kids. I told him that I didn’t think I ever wanted them before but the whole cervical stuff had kinda put a different spin on things. I’m not sure if I told you guys but I told him all about it. The HPV positive result, the cell changes, what it means, what it might mean, that it’ll probably be just fine…

He’s “in”. He’s not going anywhere. That’s what he said. I guess we’ll see how long that lasts… How long he sticks around for.

I genuinely expected him to turn around and tell me that he didn’t really want kids but he didn’t say that. This kinda puts me in a little predicament because I figured that would be the thing that breaks us. Five dates in and I’m now ‘invested’ in what we have. I’m making an effort for him and he’s making an effort for me. It’s nice. It’s cute. We’re probably utterly adorable when he’s not being a complete and utter pervert. Or an argumentative twat. I kinda figured he would be against the idea of having children but he’s not. Hmmmm.

I don’t really know what that means but it definitely has put a spanner in the words. I genuinely figured when we did eventually have that chat, he’d tell me that he thought his time for having kids was over… But he didn’t. He’s 40+ and if he wants them, he’ll want them soon right? I didn’t carry the convo on long enough to find out. I changed the subject and hoped he wouldn’t bring it back up again. Which he didn’t. But now when I think about it, it makes perfect sense that we would bring it up so soon. He’s in his forties and has life pretty much sorted. He’s bought a house, started a business and seems to have shit sorted just fine. The next logical step is to settle down isn’t it? I’m coming into my thirties soon. That’s the kind of thing I should be thinking about too right?

I keep finding things wrong with this guy but even when I go looking, there’s not much I can come up with. Yeah he’s rude and uncouth, a total pervert and way too argumentative for my liking but that doesn’t stop me from really liking him. In fact his lack of filter from brain to mouth just makes me like him more. I just wish I understood him a little better but I guess that’ll come from getting to know him more. Sometimes he starts fights for the most ridiculous of reasons, something I’ll no doubt go into in greater detail later on. But I hate it when he does that already. But despite that, I’m still actually debating a future with this man. A future that maybe spans past the next few dates too. At what point are you allowed to think about this stuff? At what point are you allowed to say to yourself — Yes, I think this could be a man I could have a real, deep, meaningful relationship with?

Plus, who knew “Do you have children?” could be such a loaded question?