Someone New 

Is That All There Is?

So, apparently I’m single now. There was no fight, no chat, no grovelling, no apologies, nothin’. Shittest breakup I’ve ever had. That probably tells me everything I need to know really, doesn’t it? He went to a makeup party with yet ANOTHER girl his mutual friends (and the child) had tried to set him up with a bunch of times before. Is there anyone in his circle of friends he doesn’t have “history” with? Jeez. I thought I was a slut. This guy is something else entirely. Anyway it was after…

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My Boyfriend is Having Dinner Tonight with a Home-Wrecking Whore Someone New 

My Boyfriend is Having Dinner Tonight with a Home-Wrecking Whore

I’m so angry, I don’t even know what words I want to type out. I can’t make much sense of the humble-jumbled thoughts whizzing around my head. I want to act. I want to act angrily which is never good. I want to do crazy-girl things. I won’t of course. I’m too dignified these days for that; too grown up. So I shall type instead. I’ll let my fingers do the talking. Casually skimming through Facebook on this dreary Saturday afternoon and guess what I come across. Oh yes, yet…

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Here We Go Again Someone New 

Public Displays of Flirting

Every time I decide to give Someone New the chance to be the boyfriend I think he could be, he does something so dumb, I can’t understand why he would do it. Just like today. A girl who he has a bit of history with sent him a Facebook message. On his wall, although it probably shoulda been an inbox message with the very blatant flirting that happened as a result of it. It started innocently enough – sorry I’ve not been in touch, I’m a bad friend, forgot to…

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Day Seven The Married Guy Someone New 

Stalker

Ladies and gentlemen, I appear to have bagged myself a stalker. Remember I told you a while back about the believed accidental friend request sent via Facebook of the ex from ten years ago – The Married Guy? Well, apparently he’s back on the scene. Or at least he’s trying to be. A little while ago, I got another friend request. This one, unlike the last one, didn’t get deleted right away. He sent that friend request and he meant to. I deleted the request after a couple of days of…

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Reconnecting Someone New 

Reconnecting

Remember I said I needed to breakup with Someone New? Well, I tried. And failed. Fuck. I said all the things I wanted to say to him. We had a weird conversation at 9am, while he was on his way to work and I was still grumpy in my bed, and all the things I probably should have said a slightly different way, came out of me in one go. Essentially, what I said to him was this: “If I haven’t fallen in love with you by now, I don’t…

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You’re Just Not The Right Guy For Me Someone New 

You’re Just Not The Right Guy For Me

I know any breakup is a bad breakup and my heart goes out to all those guys and girls with their stories of unrequited love, but is there really any such thing as a good way to breakup with someone? If you know the person you’re with isn’t the right kind of person for you, and you can’t see a future with them despite them being a truly wonderful person, what is the right way of doing it? Is there a right way to break up with someone?  Take my…

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Someone New 

99 WhatsApp Messages Later

  Oh my god! I like Someone New and sometimes, I really think I could be falling in love with that man, but every now and again, he does something so ridiculous, I can’t believe he’s calling himself an adult. Last night was a prime example. I’ve blown him out a lot recently, not because I don’t want to see him, but because shit keeps getting in the way. You’d think that we’d be able to pull ourselves together to at least manage to see each other once a week but…

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The Fucking Circus

As great as Someone New is, sometimes I can’t help but feel like he is deliberately going out of his way to piss me off. He went to the circus tonight. He went to the circus with his four work colleagues – the two pre-pubescent boys and the girl he works with. The girl he used to fuck. The girl he was fucking not that long ago – just before me. How fucking cozy. See, normally I wouldn’t mind. I know they work together. I know they’ve fucked. I know…

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Someone New Sex Fails 

What To Do When You Accidentally Break His Penis

There’s nothing more annoying than spending three hours primping and preening yourself, getting ready for a good night of action after a few weeks away, only to get there and break your boyfriend’s penis. Oh yeah, I broke his penis. Friday afternoon, I went for a bikini wax.Someone New wanted me baby smooth so he would get me baby smooth. Friday evening, I realised the waxer hadn’t exactly done the greatest of jobs. Saturday morning, I call up waxer to bitch and moan. Saturday afternoon, I headed back down to…

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