Why?

I’ve noticed something, folks. Something very odd. Or maybe not, I guess it depends which way you look at it. Either way, I’ve noticed it.

I just so happen to be friends with a few of Big Love’s family members on Facebook, still. This isn’t a deliberate act; it’s accidental, I promise. They don’t post EVER, and they’re never online, never reach out to me, and never interact with my photos or updates. They’re just socially active people and that’s how come I missed them when I did the mid-breakup Facebook cull.

Anyway, a family member of his was tagged in some photos. He’d obviously taken his new girlfriend to go and see these family members, taking photos for social media because did it even really happen if you don’t shout it to a bunch of people you never actually talk to? And because that friendship link is still there, I saw these photos … and, well, hmmm.

I’ll start with him. He’s changed dramatically. When I left, he was a gym-obsessed muscleman, taking all sorts of things that I’m not entirely sure weren’t steroid-based, spending virtually all of his free time in the gym, working out and/or partaking in high-activity sports. That’s not the picture that stared back at me from the photos. His face didn’t look right. Nothing about him looked right. A bit … bloated? I hate to say it, but looking at our photos and looking at those photos was like looking at two completely different people. Now, I’m aware that people change. I’m nowhere near the same person I was when I left; I’m a good few dress sizes smaller, for a start. But everything about him had changed. Hair, fashion sense, body shape, everything. Even the wording on his Facebook post was weirdly different, though I couldn’t really put my finger on why that was exactly.

And then there was the girlfriend. The new girlfriend. She looks … like me.

Big blue eyes, check.

Colourful hair, check.

My exact facial piercings, check.

Curvaceous babe, check.

Quirky dress sense, check.

Tattoos, check.

I sent it to my best gal pal on the other side of the world and she said, and I quote: “Wow, he’s basically dating you again then?”

And then I sent it to Bestie and he said, and I quote: “That’s not creepy at all.”

I had a little stalk of the girl to see what she was all about, because that’s what crazy ex-girlfriends like me do when they’re sad, bitter, and a bit jealous. She looked like the kind of girl I’d actually want to be friends with. A cool girl. Pretty, funny, always doing something interesting-looking, and clearly a right laugh among her friends.

Okay, I should stop stalking her now.

I don’t know why I keep looking at this shit. Is it just me who does this? Am I mental? It breaks my heart every time I do. He travels around the world a lot and I’m just waiting for the day he sends a text to tell me he’s in my country and fancies meeting up … but it’s not going to happen. He’s got a replacement ‘me’ now.

Two years and two months later, plus a new [good] man, and I’m still affected by this prick.

WHY?

Photo by Taylor Smith on Unsplash