The Going-To-The-States Fight

19/10/2015: Operation Blog Catch-Up

I started writing for a new client recently. This client just so happens to have a famous actor brother. She has also fallen in love with me, my writing style, my sense of humour, everything. She wants me to go and visit her in the States. That’s what she said more than once. I wasn’t going to mention it to anyone because I put it down to just something people say sometimes – “Oh you must come and visit sometimes!” I didn’t take it too seriously you know?

I accidentally dropped it into conversation whilst making a joke to The Director because I’m a fucking dumbass and now apparently it’s all gone a bit tits up. You see, this is why I don’t lie to people. I don’t hide things from people. I can’t do it. I fuck it up and drop the things I’m not meant to say in conversation like it’s nothing. I’m a total twat-bag when it comes to secrets. If you ever have a secret, don’t tell me what it is. I will tell the entire world by accident.

Well, he went nuts. He’s still going nuts. He keeps switching from “Oh you go and do your thing. If it’s worth it for your business, I won’t stand in your way” to the complete other end of the spectrum. He starts coming out with things like “Oh at least I know where I stand now” and other such shitty one-liners. Honestly, I wish he’d just come right out and say whatever it is he means. All this second-guessing him is exhausting. Especially considering he says he’s so honest about everything…

It’s like the thought of me going away bugs him so much that in one breath, he’s annoyed about it and doesn’t want me to go but can’t admit it because we’ve only been seeing each for a few weeks. In another breath he’s telling me we’ve only been dating for a few weeks therefore he doesn’t have an input and I’m to do what makes me happy. It’s like he can’t make up his mind how he wants to react…

…Which is fucking ridiculous seeing as this is something I’ve only just about mentioned with my client! No specifics have been booked, no plans have been made, it’s just something that comes up in conversation a few times. Why is he, or me for that matter, making such a big deal about this? The trip to the States that might not even happen? Why are we fighting about it? Plus we know nothing about this hypothetical trip to the States. It might just be for a couple of weeks? Why is this such a big deal?

I asked him why he was overreacting which just added fuel to the fire. He thought I was a hypocrite seeing as I kept ‘banging on’ about him ‘pegging it’ after I’ve had my potential second treatment for those dodgy cells on my cervix. Now I was telling him I would fuck off at a moment’s notice to another country without even so much as taking him into consideration.

Banging on? BANGING ON? I haven’t even begin to scratch the surface of what’s been going on with me as far my health is concerned with him! Is he having a laugh?! I said once, ONCE that I was “slightly concerned” he would “peg it” after my treatment if I even needed treatment at all. That’s it, that’s all I said. That ONE time. And that’s me ‘banging on’? I listen to this guy rant all day long about the assholes he works with or the idiots he meets yet I say that ONE TIME and he’s acting as though I nag him to death over it. Is he for real?

Secondary to this, we’ve been dating like what? Six weeks? If that? This is ridiculous. This is a hypothetical situation that probably won’t even happen and we have no idea of the specifics even if it were. This is a ridiculous fight and one he won’t let me finish either! I apologised for being a hypocrite (after trying to argue my point a little), and I told him it wasn’t even a real thing to worry about just yet but still, he keeps going. Little digs and sharp comments. He’s been busy with events and stuff so we’ve barely spoken since and we won’t get a chance to see each other for at least another week yet. He’s started to moan about not seeing me enough too. Ugh he was so much fun to start with! Now he’s just an argumentative asshole just like I said in A Twisted Form of Foreplay!

I know this is just the bit where we get to know each other and find out those things we don’t like. You discover all these personality traits he never displayed on the first few dates because he was trying really hard to win you over. You know, like how he likes to try and go through your phone when you’re in the bathroom or when he starts fights for seemingly no reason. Honestly he behaves like a typical girl more often than not. Aren’t I the one whose meant to be complaining because HE didn’t text ME quickly enough? If he were in the military still I would be expected to sit and wait for him while he trotted around the globe, fighting wars and being generally badass. Now he’s getting shirty at the possibility of me travelling for work? What a piss-take.

I’m just annoyed. I wouldn’t ever dream of stopping a man I was dating from doing anything he wanted to do. I’ve waited for my men to go to war zones and travel all around the world without me and although I moan, not once have I ever tried to stop them. That’s not what I’m about – I wouldn’t want to be the person who stood in the way of someone’s dreams. I might be upset about it but I certainly wouldn’t start a fight about it. It’s a shame The Director doesn’t feel the same way. If he did, he wouldn’t have started the fight at all? There would have been no need for this post. I wouldn’t have thought about it over and over again.

Don’t get me wrong, I still really like this guy but he’s starting to show some pretty shitty personality traits.

Never happy am I?