Should I Give a Second Chance to Someone Who Ghosted Me?
Iโve been ghosted. Itโs quite unpleasant, deeply confusing, and a proper shitty moveโฆ but I think Iโve been the perpetrator of ghosting as well as the victim. Accidentally, deliberately, and coincidentallyโฆ In some cases, ghosting is necessary, but does that mean, ghosting is acceptable on some occasions, but not others? And if thatโs the case, what are the rules? Should I give a second chance to someone who ghosted me?
As a professional ex-slut and the victim of more difficult breakups than Iโd like to remember, I like to think that Iโve learned a thing or two in the years Iโve been dating, so please, allow me to share my opinions on this topic.
Should I give a second chance to someone who ghosted me?
If you arenโt sure what ghosting is, Iโve written a little guide to it, which you can find right here.
Moving on, letโs get to the heart of the problem: Do you give that bastard another chance, or not?
Iโm sure so, so many people will disagree with me, but Iโm a huge fan of second chances.
People make mistakes. We are human, and to human is to err. I make mistakes, and I also change my mind all the time. I want pizza. No, Iโve changed my mind: I want lasagna now. People are allowed to change their minds, admit that theyโve made the wrong decision, and ask for forgiveness and/or another chance.
Maybe thereโs still some optimism left in me, but I think second chances are important. Not always, of course; some people donโt deserve them. But, well, yโknow, imagine a moment in your life where you were forgiven for something, and what might have happened if you hadnโt been. Would life be different? Would your relationship be different?
Now, letโs switch to the person who ghosted you. Do you like them enough to forgive them? Was the chemistry there to begin with, or were you just pissed off that you got ghosted when you kinda liked them? Thatโs the key factor here. Itโs got nothing to do with them, and everything to do with you.
Do you want to forgive them and give them another chance? Is it worth it for you? What are you going to get out of it? If itโs not worth saving, donโt try to save it โ thatโs all Iโm saying.
What if they didnโt ghost you?
Listen, I know itโs a thing that rarely actually happens in a ghosting situation, but I wrote three whole ranting blog posts about Simon, a chap who ghosted me, but didnโt actually ghost me, then actually ghosted me. Technology issues actually were the problem (the first time,) and Simon had wanted to talk to me all along.
Well, until he actually ghosted me, obviously.
Tech problems do happen.
Cars do breakdown in low-signal areas.
Kids do run off with phones and then hide them in random places.
I mean, yeah, they might be lyingโฆ but they might also not be lying.
Trust your gut; thatโs what I always say. Mine is rarely wrong. But you might want to give them the chance to explain themselvesโฆ just in case things arenโt quite as clear cut as they seem.
Giving ghosters another chance: How to do it properly
You donโt need to forget in order to forgive. In fact, itโs almost impossible to forget things that have hurt or irritated you in some way, so let yourself remember it.
What you do need to do, however, is forgive โ and that means, letting it go.
You canโt bring it up at every available opportunity. Thatโs just beating them with the same stick that you said youโd forgive them with.
You need to talk about it, get it out, then move on. If you canโt forgive, let them go. If you can forgive, let it go.
Secondary to that, only give the ghoster one more chance. Fool me once, and all that. Once is a mistake, but twice? Thatโs just plain disrespect. Second chances are called second chances for a reason. Remember that.
Thirdly, you must communicate with the ghoster. Tell them how shitty it felt to be ghosted. Make them understand how little you appreciated it. Make sure the ghoster knows, in no uncertain terms, that it will not be tolerated again.
If you have laid your boundaries and thoughts down clearly enough, the other person has no choice but to understand it. If they go ahead and make the same mistake again, theyโre doing it deliberately, by choice, with clear understanding of exactly what you want and donโt want.
It is not better to ask for forgiveness, than for permission.
Summary: Should I give a second chance to someone who ghosted me?
Should you give them a second chance? Well, that oneโs on you, Iโm afraid. I can give you advice, but I canโt tell you what to do.
Can you give them a second chance? Thatโs the question you should ask yourself. Thereโs nothing wrong with saying no. You didnโt deserve to be ghosted. Is there any point in fanning the flames of something that has already been a disappointment? The ghoster would need to be someone special to encourage me to do that.
On the other hand, if youย do want to give them a second chance, youโll only wonder what-if until you actually do it. So, do it. Get it out of the way. We all know that youโre probably going to do it, anyway, so own your shit and just. do. it.ย
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! ๐ค
If youโve enjoyed reading this, Iโd like to recommend these:
- 21 Signs Youโre Dating the Wrong Person
- The Safe & Smart Guide to Sending Nudes
- I Dare You to Get Naked [spicy]
