Things I Wish I Could Say to the Married High School Guy

I’m fucking annoyed. The last message Married High School Guy sent to me last night made me realise exactly how wrong this little scenario is. What started out as innocent chit chat from two old school chums just catching up is now most definitely not innocent chit chat at all. He’s married. He has a baby on the way. I’m a home-wrecking whore now.

*Slight exaggeration, we’ve only exchanged a few messages. 

But seriously though, if his wife were to find those messages not only would she rip him a new one and shit down his neck (hopefully although probably not), but she’d think I was an actual slut too. In every sense and definition of the word.

I’m so annoyed. 

He messaged me. Before that, he liked my Instagram pictures. He started following me. I never asked for that. He pursued me. He’s married. I’m single. I didn’t know he was married, he’s never volunteered the information, I had to stalk him on Facebook (where we weren’t friends but are now) to find out. There is absolutely NO mention of his wife on Instagram… Where he’s messaging me.

Secondly, I didn’t even know who he was. And then, when I followed him and realised who he was, I figured it was just a guy I went to school with, there’d be no harm in it and we’d be far-away likers.

Wrong. 

He’s flirting. I’ve looked back through my end of the conversation and I’m trying my damned hardest to keep things on as much of a platonic level as I can. I reckon I’ve managed it pretty well. I’ve ignored every single message he’s sent me that I’ve deemed to be inappropriate but if his wife were to find the thread, she probably wouldn’t see that. She’d just see me as a home-wrecking whore.

I totally ignored the drink request where he suggested we “snuck out” and went for one… I’ve ignored the pizza request. I’ve ignored messages like:

“Still got the urge to text you at the end of the day. Not sure what type of man that makes me.”

And, even better than that:

“Anyway unicorn, I’ve got to go. I’m in bed so I can’t message. You think of some more flaws and I will keep thinking about your reward for all those ticks.”

Little bit of background, he’s “trying to find things wrong” with me, and so far, I’m “ticking all his boxes”. He’s not just saying that to flirt either… Apparently.

“By the way, this isn’t supposed to be me basically calling you a nearly perfect woman as I know that might be a little weird after not speaking for like 13 years. Trust me, I’m trying to find something wrong.” 

But, but, but, he was in bed with his WIFE. That’s why he couldn’t message me again. He was in bed with his wife. His pregnant wife. This is wrong. So wrong. I need to get out now. What started out as innocent, harmless flirting between old school pals is now a recipe for disaster. At least by telling him what I think, his wife will see that I realised what we were doing was wrong. At least then she’ll see, if she reads his messages, that he’s the scumbag and I’m not really the home-wrecking whore I look.

So now I’m trying to work out what I want to say to him. I’m trying to figure it out. I want it to be dignified of course, but a warning too. Something that’ll stick in his mind next time he decides to get an Instagram crush and try acting on it, ignoring his pregnant wife in the process.

I want to tell him I think he’s disgusting. I want to tell him that men like him make me sick and if he thinks he’s got a chance in hell of getting inside me, he’s got another thing coming. The thought of going for a drink with a man like him makes my skin crawl.

I want to ask him why he thinks it’s appropriate to treat a woman like me like that? To treat ANY woman like that? Fuck his wife for a moment, what about me? Don’t I deserve to be more than someone’s side order? I’m no one’s garlic bread.

It really annoys me that men think they can talk to me like this. That it’s okay to start a conversation with me after thirteen years and then, out of the blue, start hardcore flirting with me, telling me I’m every bit the perfect woman you’ve always looked for… In not so many words. In fact, almost exactly those words! Why does this guy think it’s okay? Why does ANY guy think it’s okay? I’m not encouraging it. I didn’t encourage it. I haven’t done anything really to find myself in this situation. Plenty of old school pals have popped up out the blue, had a few day’s chit-chat with me and then became a far-away liker. They haven’t all lead to a shitty situation like this.

I love the innocent flirting I have with the male friends I know. It never leads to anything. I don’t sleep with them. I barely even manage to meet up for a drink with some of them. We both know it’s just that, innocent flirting. Flirting makes the world go round. But this guy’s married and his flirting is going too far. It’s gone too far already. And now I’m the one faced with the awkward situation of trying to put a stop to it. Humph.

What I really want to do is post the picture on my Facebook, the same picture I posted on Twitter, telling my female friends to check their husband’s phone because I’m getting fed up with receiving bullshit like this. Because this isn’t the first time it’s happened and I’m pretty sure I didn’t encourage it any of those other times either.

I get why it’s happening. I’m not dumb. I was a bigger girl, I lost loads of weight and I learned how to contour a little. I now have what’s on it’s way to a 50-squat, twerkout booty and I’ve got an hourglass figure and boobs to throw into the mix. I expect flirting sometimes. I enjoy flirting sometimes. I put up the odd sex-eyes selfie to encourage a bit of like-action just like the next girl. What’s wrong with a virtual ego-boost from time to time? But I like flirting with single men, men who don’t have wives and babies just waiting to fuck shit up.

After some careful deliberation, I’ve decided to go with something like this:

“I don’t know why you think it’s cool to talk to me like this, being a married man with a baby on the way, but honestly it’s not cool. I don’t think it’s cool. In fact, I think it’s pretty awful. I’ve had a look back over our conversation and I think, if your wife were to read it, she wouldn’t be happy. I certainly wouldn’t be happy. What started out as innocent chit-chat isn’t really that innocent anymore and it’s making me uncomfortable. 

It’s been a pleasure catching up and I hope all goes well with your new baby but I don’t want to be a part of this, whatever it is.” 

What do you think?

I don’t know how I find myself in these situations. Eye roll.