Number 4: The Actor
The Actor was one of those really wholesome chaps. He didn’t drink to excess, didn’t smoke, didn’t step outside the lines – in short, the exact opposite of my type. There was something about his smile, though. He had perfect teeth long before Hollywood teeth were a thing. Pearly white, almost dazzling. They seemed to beam happiness out of his face whenever he smiled at me, and it was really quite addictive.
I met The Actor at work before he ever became an actor. He knew, for sure, that’s what he was going to be when he grew up, though. Would you know, he’s only gone and done it. I’m quite proud of him.
Once Goth Boy and I parted ways (and the whole Bad Memory situation happened,) Actor started flirting with me. I flirted back. It didn’t take long for rumours to start swirling around at work even though nothing had actually happened.
Yet.
That changed one evening, when he invited me to his place for a couple of drinks and a movie. He pressed play on Monsters, Inc… but we didn’t watch any of it. Instead, we did some hardcore making out, then prepared to fuck for the very first time.
I pulled his boxers down.
Ooooft, that’s small.
It was wrong to think that, and I knew it… but, well, it was too small… in every way. I feel like a bitch even saying it, but I think I found my “minimum” that day. We’ve all got preferences, right?
The first time had been so awkward, disappointing, and “is it in yet?” that I vowed never to do it again. I did do it again, though. Obviously. I wanted to give it another chance. Size isn’t important, right? It’s the motion of the ocean, and all that jazz.
Nope.
We were completely incompatible in the bedroom department. I went back a third time to make doubly sure, and it just wasn’t for me. Maybe I had a chuff like a wizard’s sleeve. Maybe his dick was too small for me to feel anything. Either way, I didn’t have a good time.
We both kinda ghosted each other after that. I moved on to The Fireman, and he went on to date someone else. There were never any hard feelings, though. I never mentioned my little issue (cough) with his dick, but I think he knew.
It can’t have been good for him, right?
Right?!
This comes next in the dating timeline: Number 5: The Fireman.
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