The Smart & Safe Guide to Sending Nudes (22 Tips)
There comes a point in many a relationship where the heat turns up and, well, the chat gets a little flirty. They might start talking about sending nudes… but you’re not really sure what that means or what to do about it.
Thankfully, ya girl (that’s me) is here to explain everything, including the law, how to send nudes as safely as possible, and what obliging that request really could mean for your future.
Are you ready? Sitting comfortably?
Let’s begin…
Send Nudes: What Does It Mean?
I know this might seem super obvious to some, but not everyone knows that “send nudes” literally means send naked/half-naked/sexy/suggestive pics.
That’s the long and short of it.
Nudes don’t necessarily mean totally nude shots; they can be partially nude, or a teensy bit of nude, or even just as much nude as you’re happy with. Or, as I like to call, a bit of nude.
Nudes can be photos, videos, gifs, etc.
One of my friends refers to sending nudes as “home porn,” whilst another calls the nudes era, the “OnlyFans age.”
I, personally, think it’s been commonplace for much longer than the internet was around. WhatsApp just makes life a lot easier.
Either way, whatever you want to call it, it’s a case of, “Get your bits out.”
“the sharing of personal, sexually suggestive text
messages, or [self-made] nude or nearly nude photographs or videos via electronic devices”
The Smart & Safe Guide to Sending Nudes
A 2023 Statista poll showed that 76.9% of all American adults had sent a sext, which is defined as either text, videos, or images.
87.9% of all American adults had received a sext.
The same survey also reported that more than 18% of people had shared a sext sent to them, which is super concerning. (And also, illegal in the UK now, by the way.)
As is probably predictable, women were more concerned than men about their images, videos, or sex-texts getting out/released to the public. The same study, reported in Women’s Health Interactive, also showed that people used it sexts and sending nudes as a way to build mutual trust, and as a form of foreplay/strengthening sexual bonds.
So, how do you send nudes safely?
Let’s find out.
1: Sending nudes ain’t for everyone
Don’t do it if you don’t feel comfortable.
Think of sending/receiving nudes as any other aspect of sex, such as anal or blowjobs. If you don’t like it, don’t feel comfortable doing it, or simply don’t want to, don’t.
If a partner harasses or pressures you into sending nudes despite your protests, it’s time to get rid of them. That is not good behaviour. In fact, I’d call it a massive red flag.
If they don’t take no for an answer when it comes to nudes, what else are they not going to take no for an answer for?
No means no.
2: To face or not to face
If you take nudes with your face in them, people are definitely going to know it’s you.
No, not every partner is going to betray your trust and share your nudes with other people, or worse: the internet.
But what if they do?
You are going to be at a greater risk of being exposed if you include your face in your nudes. People will definitely know it’s you.
Just saying.
You can cut your head out of the picture, blur it out, or add stickers or graphics over the top.
I don’t recommend using paint tools, as I have personally seen someone’s address get outed by tweaking the image in editing tools. Don’t put yourself in that kind of danger. Let’s be honest about this: there are a lot of crazies out there on the internet.
3: You don’t need to bare all to be sexy
A hint of a nipple or some pubic hair can be just as sexy, if not sexier, than showing literally everything. By all means send a beaver shot if you’re feeling yourself in that way, but it’s not your only option.
I mean, yes, the whole idea of nudes is… well, to be nude – but that doesn’t mean you’ve got to get it all out!
You need to remember that YOU are the one that’s in control.
It’s YOUR body.
YOU make the rules.
If you don’t want to send all, bare all, or show that, don’t.
4: Consider your partner
You know your partner better than I do, right? Hopefully you do. You should use your knowledge of them to create the “perfect” nudes.
What’s your partner’s favourite part of your body? For my guy, it’s my butt. I send more butt shots than tit shots for that reason.
I once knew a guy who liked a spot of voyeurism, specifically, sneakily watching someone pee. If I were dating that guy, I’d probably send a shot of me on the toilet. Not peeing, pooping, or doing anything like that; just sitting on the toilet, some of my ass on show, perhaps a little side boob.
Work with what you know.
Use what you already have.
5: Check your background – part one
I think I speak on behalf of pretty much every single person in the universe when I say, there’s nothing more disgusting than a super messy/grubby background in a nude shot.
You can apply the same to the following:
- Dirty nails
- Stained bedsheets
- Skid-marked underwear
- Overflowing cat litter trays
- Countertops full of dirty dishes
- etc.
6: Check your background – part two
Take a good, hard look at the background of your nude. Can you see any personal details, such as bank statements, or anything that could give away personal information accidentally, such as birthday cards?
Crazy stalkers will stop at nothing to stalk/get/watch their victims.
Even something as simple as a birthday card can give away details that point to your identity.
You should also check things like:
- Views in windows
- Mirror reflections
- Photos on walls/around house
7: Hide tattoos and other identifying marks
I’ve got quite specific tattoos that, if seen by someone that knew me on a personal level, would probably reveal my identity. For that exact reason, I tweak, blur, and fiddle with my photos, so the tattoo doesn’t look much like the original.
It takes just one person to recognise you, then your cover is blown.
8: Consider your timing
Is your partner really going to appreciate a nude while they’re in a meeting with their boss?
I mean, I (as a partner) would probably love that, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
What’s sexy for one won’t necessarily be sexy for another, so make sure you check those boundaries (and timings) before you start crossing lines.
9: What do you want in return?
Do you want a nude back? If not, you should probably tell your partner that; otherwise, you might end up with an unsolicited dick pic.
Usually, sending nudes is a two-way streak. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours, and all that. Everyone is different, though.
Communicate what you want… and also what you don’t want.
Honestly, honesty really is the best policy.
10: Are you sure about your partner?
Before you go ahead and send a bunch of nudes, do you really want to?
I know this is something I’ve already touched upon, but I want to come back to it. Why are you sending nudes? Is it because you want to? Or is it because your partner wants you to?
Do you trust your partner? Do you trust that they’ll respect your boundaries and wishes, keep the nudes safe, and not show a single soul?
If the answer is no, don’t send the nudes. Your gut is probably telling you not to trust them for a reason, and I’m a big believer in trusting your gut instinct.
A 2020 Refuge survey revealed that 1 in 7 young women were threatened with their nudes being revealed to the world, known as revenge porn. Thankfully, as of 2015, revenge porn is illegal.
We can’t also forget the very high-profile case of reality TV dickhead, Stephen Bear, who was jailed for 21 months for voyeurism and two counts of revenge porn, after publishing his ex-partner’s nudes online.
11: Be clear about your boundaries before sending nudes
If you want to send the photo but not have it saved at the other end, onto your partner’s phone, tell them that.
“Please, don’t save this image to your phone.”
In doing so, you have been open and clear about your boundaries, so there’s no chance of miscommunication.
The other person also knows exactly what they can and can’t do. If they go against your boundaries and save the image when you asked them not to, you’ve learned a valuable lesson: they are not to be trusted.
With certain platforms, such as Snapchat, you will see when someone has saved or screenshotted the nude. Other platforms, such as WhatsApp, do not have this function. Someone can save your nude from WhatsApp without your knowledge. Saving photos to the camera roll is automatic if you have that feature turned on.
12: Watch your platform
WhatsApp is a “safe” platform for nudes because it strips information from a photo that could give away your location.
Smart phone photos aren’t just photos; they also give away time, location, device used, and much, more. This is known as Exif data.
Look at the information attached to this image:
There’s a time and a date, the phone used to take the photo, and even pinpoints the exact location it was taken… with a map!
As you can probably imagine, this isn’t information you’ll want everyone to know – especially if you’re in the early stages of dating and aren’t quite sure about them yet.
(Yes, people send nudes in the early stages of dating. No judgment here. I’m a proud nude sender.)
As an aside, Facebook, Telegram, Pinterest, Snapchat, Twitter (X,) and Instagram all strip most Exif data from a photo. Your location (GPS) is usually not shared, but some information might still be available, such as time and date or camera/phone model. Places like Snapchat openly admit to keeping your metadata (on their back end) for specific purposes, and law enforcement can still retrieve certain snippets of data, if necessary,
Most experts recommend Signal or WhatsApp for sending nudes.
They also recommend avoiding sending nudes via Instagram and Facebook.
Useful Tip:
You can turn off GPS/location settings for photos in your phone’s settings. The same goes for [most] cameras, too.
13: Store your nudes safely
If I had my nudes just randomly scattered throughout my camera roll, my nephew would probably find them. He can’t tie his own shoelaces, but he can work a digital device better than I can… and I’ve worked in the mobile phone industry.
You can download apps that save your nudes to a hidden, password-protected place. Some phones also allow you to “hide” photos in, again, password-protected folders.
If you don’t stash those photos away somewhere, your butthole is going to get super squeaky every time you hand someone your phone.
Trust me.
14: Are you saving to the cloud?
Any kind of online storage cloud can be hacked, even the seemingly safest and most secure systems in the world. Known collectively as “Celebgate” or “The Fappening,” celebrity iCloud accounts were attacked by hackers in 2014, and personal and intimate photos were leaked from the iCloud accounts of Jennifer Lawrence, Kaley Cuoco, Kate Upton, Jill Scott, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, and more.
Obviously, there is a greater demand for the nudes of celebrities… but that’s not to say that there isn’t a demand for any ol’ nudes that hackers can get from cloud-based storage services.
As an aside, are you on any kind of cloud family plan? If you are and those photos save to the cloud, you’re running the risk of your family and other individuals on the plan seeing your nudes.
Awkward.
15: Don’t send unsolicited nudes
I can’t count how many unwanted dick pics I’ve received in my life. It’s disgusting, and, in my opinion, is akin to flashing in the street.
Sending unsolicited nudes (or other forms of communication) is a form of harassment, especially when the receiver has asked for it to stop. It is also against the law, as of January 2024, and referred to as “cyberflashing.”
It is, in essence, no different to someone flashing their genitals at you from behind a trench coat, on the street.
And even if you disagree with that statement, the law agrees.
So, yeah, don’t send your bits n’ pieces to people who haven’t specifically consented.
16: Re-sending nudes: know the law
Revenge porn is illegal.
The law states, as per the Criminal Justice and Courts Act 2015, Section 33:
Disclosing private sexual photographs and films with intent to cause distress
(1)It is an offence for a person to disclose a private sexual photograph or film if the disclosure is made—
(a)without the consent of an individual who appears in the photograph or film, and
(b)with the intention of causing that individual distress.
If someone sends you a nude, then you share it on the internet with the intention of humiliating them/getting revenge/other malevolent reasons, you are committing a criminal act.
If you send someone a nude, then they share it on the internet, they have committed a criminal act.
It is against the law to share/disclose intimate images or content of a person without first getting their consent – and you must be able to prove that you have consent, too.
Technically, according to legal minds, revenge porn, also known as “image-based abuse” isn’t the only crime committed when personal and intimate photos and videos are shared without consent.
The following could also apply:
- GDPR breach
- Harassment
- Breach of confidence
- Misuse of private information
Side note: Engaging in sexting and/or exchanging of nudes under the age of 18 is against the law. (And fucking vile.)
17: The thing with editing and ethics
I’m a big fan of editing photos. Brightening them, rotating them, increasing the details and sharpness while slightly decreasing the saturation…
But that’s not the type of editing I’m talking about right now.
I’m talking about the type of editing where you make your butt a bit bigger, the bingo wings a bit smaller, and the jawline a little more pronounced.
Yeah, you look fabulous now, but you also looked fabulous before.
And, well, to be blunt: isn’t that false advertising?
If you plan on one day meeting the person you’re exchanging nudes with, aren’t they going to see what you look like… and realise that your nudes weren’t exactly true-to-form?
Put it this way, if I were to meet a man who was 6 foot 3 in all of his photos, only to find out upon meeting that he was 5 foot 7 and had edited said photos, I’d walk right out the door.
You’re lying to me already? Cool. Ciao.
Point made, right?
18: Make sure you’re sending nudes to the RIGHT person
If you’ve ever screenshotted a snippet of a conversation, to send to someone else, only to send it to the person you were talking to in the screenshot, you’ll have a rough idea of how it feels to send your nudes to the wrong person.
In fact, that rough idea is nowhere close, but you get the idea.
Check, double check, then triple check that you are sending nudes to the right person… before you end up sending nudes to the wrong person, like your dad.
19: What about the breakup?
What happens when you and your nude-share partner part ways? I know, you don’t want to think about that right now, in the throes of passion, living the dream in the “honeymoon stage,” but… well… ya know, there’s a chance that you’ll breakup at some point.
What happens then?
What happens if you’ve been sending nudes to a person who isn’t your happy-ever-after?
I tend to go with a straightforward, “I’m deleting your nudes. Please, do the same,” – but not everyone is going to hit the delete button as fast as you’d like… or even at all.
What happens if they don’t delete the nudes that you have sent them?
You should always delete nudes when someone asks you to.
It’s not sexy, and I’m sure that you’d rather not think about it, but partners rarely turn out to be the shining star that you see at the start.
Those nudes are a weapon, and someone could pull the trigger and effectively ruin your life at any moment.
20: How will sending nudes make YOU feel?
If you don’t find making, sending, or receiving nudes sexy, what’s the point? I mean, it’s nice to do things like that for your partner from time to time, but you must take your own happiness into account, too.
If it’s not going to make you feel good, don’t do it.
If some asshole wants to try and force you to do it, that’s exactly what they are: an asshole.
At the same time, how are you going to feel about seeing yourself on the screen like that? If all it’s going to do is highlight your biggest securities, then make you feel like a piece of shit for the rest of the week… what’s the point?
You’re half of the equation, remember?
Your consent is just as vital.
21: Do you know about sextortion?
Financially motivation sexual extortion is where someone lures you in, makes you feel like you’re in a real relationship with them; then, when you exchange nudes and other spicy materials with them, they use the material to blackmail you.
“Pay me £XX, or I’ll show everyone these naked videos and photos of you.”
Sadly, you can’t predict who is going to blackmail you after winning your trust, but the National Crime Agency suggests being wary of unknown people contacting you online, potential partners who very quickly try to encourage sending nudes, etc., or people who actively seem to seek out people of one particular gender, ie: males following majority females online, and vice-versa.
22: Sending nudes doesn’t mean consent to sex
What I mean by that is, just because we’re exchanging nudes now, doesn’t mean that I’m going to have sex with you later on.
I once engaged with some sexting, nude-sending, spiciness with a chap I’d met online, but hadn’t yet met in person. When we did meet in person, the chemistry just wasn’t there. Like, at all. Rather than force it, I admitted as such to him. Honesty is the best policy, and all that.
Sadly, he didn’t take it well. He assumed that phone/cyber sex was an automatic prelude to actual sex and got spiteful when I told him otherwise.
Consent to one thing doesn’t equate to consent to all things.
Sending Nudes Summary: Every Nude is a Risk
I want you to go out there and enjoy sex in every way you choose to. Safely. Happily. Satisfactorily.
But (and this is quite a big but):
Every single nude you send poses a threat to life as you know it.
If you want to safely send nudes, with a 100% guarantee that they won’t ever get released, published online, or shared around the boys’ friendship group… don’t send nudes.
That’s really the be-all and end-all of it.
The tips I’ve shared here will make sending nudes a slightly safer process, but it’s not foolproof.
The least you should do, however, is make the shot as unidentifiable as possible.
You don’t need to include your face (or other identifiable details) to be sexy, ya know?
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
If you’re in the market for something a lil’ spicier, why not check out one of my smutty favourites:
