Life, Dating & UK Sex Blog | 12 Years in Graphic Detail | 18+
Starting from the beginning:
[Oldest Posts First]
Every morning when I wake up I tell myself that it’s going to be a good day. I’m not going to let anything upset me. I’m not going to let thoughts of ex-boyfriends or cancer scares get me down. I’m not going to let my Poo Problem interfere with my life. Today, I’m going to get up, get showered and dressed and leave the house. I’m going to get loads of writing work done. I’m going to be a regular person again. When I woke up this morning I told…
Read MoreToday I am angry again. I like being angry. It’s almost 4pm and I’ve not cried once yet. That’s like an actual achievement for me at this point. Maybe it was just as simple as ripping off a band aid? If only life could really be that easy. I keep spotting him online. He will have read that email and completely ignored it. What an actual cunt. In fact no, he’s worse than a cunt. He’s a coward. He didn’t have the balls to tell me it was over. Instead…
Read MoreShit. I got a letter today. I just tore it open. It’s Jock’s new job. When I filled out the application form, I listed three references. Me, the Ex and the Redneck. That was only because I didn’t know of anyone else. What do I do? Do I fill out the reference like the nice ex-girlfriend I really want him to see me as? I want him to come back. I miss him so. Giving a bad reference is out the question. I’m not that fucking crazy. Do I ignore…
Read MoreI emailed him. What an absolute twat. I sent him an email with no subject, no words in the body, just a single photo – the photo of his reference. He text me back within minutes asking if I’d still be a reference for him. Was he fucking kidding me? Apparently he’d never read that last email I sent which is utter bullshit. Apparently he broke up with me after I hung up on him because that told him all he needed to know about what I thought about “us”.…
Read MoreI couldn’t just keep my mouth shut could I? Couldn’t have just left it at that. I had to keep going, keep ranting, keep sending text messages. “You know, if you had even bothered to ask how my health was, I’d have done that reference for you. And if you’d have spent half the time communicating with me as you spend on POF, this would never have happened. You said you were always busy, tired, and never had time. It’s funny how you find time when its not for me.…
Read MoreI was rambling on as usual, moaning about the latest gut-wrenching, manic-depressive breakup when Karen once again gave me some good advice. Firstly, I was to note down the character traits I’m most attracted to in a man. Then I was to read her second comment…. which I haven’t read yet! I promise! The blog post that prompted this was Couldn’t Just Keep My Mouth Shut. And this is what she said: So… What am I attracted to in a man? I like a guy with a good sense of…
Read MoreI don’t know what’s happened. I don’t know if the therapy worked or if I’ve just turned a corner but it’s been like three days and I haven’t cried. I haven’t thought about him. I haven’t charged my other phone up to see if he has been online on WhatsApp or POF. It’s like something clicked. I’m not going to be sad anymore. And I’m not sad. It’s like there was an on/off button and someone has switched it off. He’s not in my head every second of every day,…
Read MoreIt’s 31 minutes before Jock’s birthday. I’m on Facebook. I know if I don’t delete his mother and his brother right now, it’ll never happen. They are the only link I have left to him. The only thing that connects us. If I cut that off, there will be no going back. Plus I feel like an absolute cunt for having to do to them. I still speak to them both occasionally, and they are always liking and commenting on my stuff. I thought about sending his mother a message…
Read MoreI did it. Two minutes before Jock’s birthday, 11:58pm, I blocked them both. I did it. That was it. The last link…. severed. I didn’t cry. I just sat at my desk, head resting on my hands, staring at the computer screen for about fifteen minutes. Realisation, I think. It’s over. I didn’t cry when I got into bed. I didn’t cry in bed. I didn’t cry when I woke up this morning. Well, I did cry but for an entirely different reason. I DON’T HAVE CANCER! After a shaky…
Read MoreEvery now and then he sneaks into my thoughts, you know? I’ve been trying to keep myself super busy recently. I’ve taken on loads of writing work. I’m actually finishing stuff too. I’ve downloaded some new games and I’ve geeked out for hours. My ‘urgent’ within two week referral is booked for the 26th February and I’m off work again for ANOTHER month. Christ this shit is simply never-ending. I have far too much time on my hands. I’m doing OK. I’m not crying or being sad. It’s tough though.…
Read More
