The Fart.

Have you ever climaxed so hard you actually farted during sex? A friend of a friend told me about this story …

Okay, fine, I admit it, it was me. I came so hard I farted. Not recently.

Let me set the scene …

We were on his couch, hardcore making out in that way I like when it happened. There’s something about making out. It takes me back to being a teenager again, getting innocently busy in the living room while the parents busy themselves in the kitchen making dinner. Kissing leads to hands roaming around underneath my shirt, and that leads to nipple-tweaking which everyone knows makes me wet. It’s a nipple thing – I really like nipple play. Mine are amazingly sensitive, and a well-timed pinch or bite can send shivers right through me.

Anyway, it was all going down just the way it’s supposed to, me getting nice and wet and him getting nice and hard. He always liked to use his fingers to get me off first – he loved how wet I got for him, and he also loved the taste. He’d slide his fingers deep inside me before slowly licking them clean, looking at me right in the eyes as he did so.

Now I was happily satisfied, he gave me a few moments to pull myself together again, lightly caressing my now-naked torso while slowing stroking his dick at the same time. He always did love to play. I always did love to let him. Time-out now over however, it was time for my jeans to come down, and my now soaking wet panties. I’ve always wanted him to stuff those panties in my mouth. I’ve never been brave enough to ask.

Just like it always does, that first thrust felt so good, I had goosebumps all over my body. He pushes slowly at first until he gets to about halfway, and then he forces the rest of him inside me, pleasure and a touch of pain all at the same time. I’ve already cum once so I’m super-sensitive all over, and it’s not long before I find myself getting close again. I know he’s getting close too because those noises he makes are getting louder, and his grip is getting harder. Sometimes his fingers left bruises on my pale skin from where he held me down.

I came so hard, pinned down and unable to move, my head slightly falling back off the couch. Think of all the words you could use to describe it – toe-curling, amazing, mind-blowing … all of them. And as I came, it happened.

I farted. 

Sorry, did that ruin your mood? Yep, it ruined mine too.

Nothing ruins a good orgasm like a good toot, let me tell you that. Cut short halfway through. Literally flopped. He kept going, and how he did that is beyond me. I was so embarrassed but he hadn’t brought it up. He just ignored it entirely. So I followed his lead. Honestly, the guy deserves a fucking medal. Or wings. Remember the ‘wings’ when you were younger? Brown wings, anal. Red wings, period sex. Pink wings, regular sex. What colour should the fart be? Yep, I’ve got my black wings. What are those? Oh, fart wings – you make a girl cum so hard she farts during sex.

For fucks sake. 

We never did bring it up. I’ve never mentioned it to anyone. It’s embarrassing. I mean, I have digestive issues and all so I have an excuse for it at least, but it’s still super embarrassing. A love-puff I could just about handle. A real fart? Just kill me now.

Can you imagine what would have happened if I’d been in bed with Courier Guy … ?

(See: My Deal-Breaker Is Flatulence)