Anxiety - NotSoSexintheCity

48 Hours to Go: First Night Nerves

June 25, 2013March 14, 2020 notsosexinthecityAnxiety, Bikini Wax, Body Image, dating, Moving On, self esteem, self-harm, single

It’s exactly 48 hours until my next date with Jock. I think it’s going to be *the* date; the one where we fuck for the first time. Anxiety is taking over and I’m overthinking absolutely everything. I’m beyond nervous. That’s how I know I really like him: the thought of being in his presence makes me so nervous that I just can’t think straight. I’m not prepared for this. I wanted to book a bikini wax but I’m not sure I’ll have time for it. Between you and me, things…

Jock My Dating Life One Ball

Date Number Two: An Emotional Goodbye?

June 23, 2013March 14, 2020 notsosexinthecityAnxiety, Betrayal, Breakups, dating, Ex-Purge, fail, Fighting, heartbreak, Lies, Moving On, Privacy, Soldiers1 Comment

One Ball read my fucking blog. Because of course he wasn’t going to let our breakup go by easy. I can’t work out if this is going to be a big fuck-you blog post to him, or a big bye-bye blog post to you lot. I’m battling two very different sides of myself right now. Let me tell you the story of what happened on my second date with Jock. Jock and I went shopping for our second date, stopped to have some coffees, and then he dropped me home…

My Dating Life One Ball

So…. Today was shit.

June 17, 2013March 14, 2020 notsosexinthecityAnxiety, Breakups, Fighting, Getting the Ick, heartbreak, Long Distance Relationships, love, Moving On, single, Soldiers

I feel like I should explain my previous post; that letter to One Ball I wrote. I actually initially wrote it in anger and then edited so it was more explanatory than vengeful before I gave it to him … which was definitely a good idea. We did the whole breaking up thing a few days ago and it’s still all raw and weird. We’ve been texting a bit, mostly him asking why I refused to give things a go with him and me telling him – repeatedly – that…

My Dating Life One Ball

Dear One Ball …

June 17, 2013March 13, 2020 notsosexinthecityAnxiety, Breakups, Fighting, Getting the Ick, heartbreak, Long Distance Relationships, love, Moving On, single, Soldiers

Dear One Ball, There are a lot of reasons I broke up with you, and I know that you’re going to disagree with at least 90% of them. But you wanted a list so I’m giving it to you. Don’t say I never offered you closure. To start with, I’m terrified that you’ll read my blog … again. I haven’t written in it properly for months, and I think it’s because I’m worried that I’ll say too much, you’ll read it, and then we’ll fight because you’re upset. It feels…

Mental Health My Dating Life One Ball

Impending Boom

May 11, 2013March 11, 2020 notsosexinthecityAnxiety, Body Image, Breakups, confidence, depression, Fighting, Getting the Ick, long distance relationship, self esteem, self-harm, Soldiers

Something’s wrong. I don’t know what it is, but something is definitely wrong. I feel out of sorts. Not quite right. Irritated and restless. It’s driving me potty. I’ve thought a lot about self-harming recently, but I’ve not actually done it. Not in a grab-the-razor-and-cut way, anyway. But a few mornings ago, when my hair wouldn’t go right, I scratched the tops of my arms so hard that I drew blood. I didn’t mean to, it’s just a … thing. Almost like I don’t know I’m doing it until after…

My Dating Life My Mr. Grey One Ball

Paranoid Prick

April 30, 2013March 10, 2020 notsosexinthecityAnxiety, Betrayal, Booty Call, Breakups, cheating, friends with benefits, Getting the Ick, long distance relationship, Secret Relationship, Sexual Chemistry, Soldiers

You want to know whether or not I fucked My Mr. Grey on his visit down to my end of the country, don’t you? Don’t worry, I’m not going to beat around the bush. I’ll get to the point: I didn’t do it. I didn’t fuck My Mr. Grey. And although it was the right decision – the moral one – I’m not happy about it at all. Nope. Not at all. One Ball is a good man. We’ve had our ups and downs, yes, but he’s been a very…

My Dating Life My Mr. Grey One Ball

I Want to Fuck My Mr. Grey

April 23, 2013March 10, 2020 notsosexinthecityAnxiety, Betrayal, Booty Call, Breakups, cheating, friends with benefits, Getting the Ick, Lies, long distance relationship, Secret Relationship, Sexual Chemistry, Soldiers

I did a really stupid thing: I text My Mr. Grey. I don’t really know why I did it. I think I was just overthinking the shitty second week One Ball and I had together, overanalysing all the little flaws I can see starting to appear in our relationship. He’s quite immature and boyish at times, and he really can’t make a decision to save his life, and there are lots of other little things that are making me think perhaps he’s just not the right kind of guy for…

My Dating Life One Ball

Breathe a Sigh of Relief … ?

March 17, 2013March 9, 2020 notsosexinthecityAnxiety, depression, Fighting, Getting the Ick, Introvert, long distance relationship, love, Soldiers

One Ball has been driving me mad. Don’t worry, we’re not breaking up or anything like that. He was staying at mine and one week magically turned into two weeks and by the time he left I was on the verge of throwing in the towel and kicking him to the curb for good. And despite telling me he’d be spending some time with family and friends and whatever while he was here, he actually only spent two days and one night with them. He was at mine for the…

Big Love Me & My Opinions My Dating Life The Fireman The Hubby

Tell Me What You See, When You Look at Me

February 25, 2013March 5, 2020 notsosexinthecityAnxiety, Body Image, confidence, depression, domestic abuse, Reflection, self esteem, self-harm, Weight

I found myself watching some TV show about women and the way they see their bodies, and it got me to thinking. How do you feel about your body? Are you happy with it? Are there things that you’d like to change? How far would you go to change them? It’s funny, the relationship we have with our bodies, isn’t it? We’re stuck with them until the day we die but still, something about them still drives us to despair. I have the worst view of me/my body. I’ve been…

My Dating Life NSFW / Sex One Ball True Tales

The Art of Blowjobs

February 19, 2013March 5, 2020 notsosexinthecityAnxiety, Blowjob, Cumshot, experimenting, fail, long distance relationship, oral sex, Soldiers, Tease12 Comments

I have a very serious predicament, people. It’s a predicament that’s making me more frustrated than it should, but I’ve already tried to overlook it and ignore it and doing all of that just hasn’t worked. I can’t make One Ball cum in my mouth by giving him head. I’ve been trying for months, everything I/we could possibly think to try but still, nothing has worked. Nothing at all. And now it feels like it might be time for me to give up trying … at least for now. And…