Porn – What’s The Big Deal?

What’s the big deal with porn? My (female) friend called me in tears earlier, telling me that she’d found all this ‘weird’ porn on her boyfriend’s phone, and she wasn’t sure what to do about it.

Firstly, who gets that upset about porn?

Secondly, when did porn become such a bad thing?

Thirdly, what the hell does ‘weird’ porn mean? I know what’s weird to me, but I wouldn’t imagine we (my relatively clean-cut female friend and I) have the same boundaries when it comes to porn … and sex for that matter.

“What do you mean by weird porn?” I asked.

“Who cares? Why’s he watching porn?”

Right okay, so it’s not weird porn that’s the problem here. It’s the fact that he’s actually watching porn. I didn’t realise women still got upset about that kind of thing … Isn’t porn so mainstream nowadays?

I told her to chill out (because she was crying so hard I could basically feel the snot down the phone), and make herself a cup of tea. She could call me later on when she had calmed down because all she was doing right now was winding herself up even more. Plus I never know how to deal with a hysterical woman. I keep my hysterics to the privacy of my own bedroom, and very rarely do I let anyone see or hear them. Not even Bestie saw the biggest of my breakdowns.

I gave it some thought, but that just opened up more questions than answers. I’m a regular porn watcher. I love porn. I don’t always *need* porn to get the job done, but I like to watch it anyway. Just like most people I have my own personal preferences, and I wouldn’t exactly say I hide that kind of information from anyone. I’m not ashamed to watch porn.

I also quite like watching porn with my partner, which is exactly the advice I gave to her when she called me back half an hour later, no more chilled than when we’d last hung up.

“No. That’s weird. No!”

Weird? Really? Does that make me weird then? If I were to find porn on my partner’s phone, I wouldn’t get upset. I’d have a look through it and see what kind of thing he liked to watch, what gets him off in those moments where he thinks no one can find out. With my husband, I learned it was  a curvaceous black booty. Sadly, my lily-white ass couldn’t quite compete with that but I have done squats ever snce. With The Director it was anything Christie Mack related. With The Fireman it was white underwear – anything that made me look virginal. I’ve discussed my porn preferences with these guys, plus Bestie and I have also discussed it at great length too. Not once has the conversation ever made me feel like I wanted to cry.

I caught Jock jerking off to porn on his phone once. I took the phone out of his hand and finished him off in my mouth. Someone New regularly whacked it out in front of me and got the party started, mostly because he knew I couldn’t resist once it was right there in front of me. I find it quite hot. In fact, that’s one of my porn preferences – I like to watch a guy jerk off. I especially like the ‘money shot’, especially if he makes those hot little noises at the end. I can’t stand a silent-climaxer.

I caught the hubby wanking more times than I care to remember. Sometimes I got annoyed because it was inappropriately timed, but never was I annoyed because he was watching porn or getting himself off without me. I did it without him enough, which is something else I explained to my friend … Doesn’t she do that kind of thing alone?

No.

She doesn’t watch porn and she very rarely plays with herself. She just doesn’t feel the need to.

Oh girl. Come here and let me give you a big hug. You need a masterclass in … well, a few things. Wanking to start with apparently.

If I were to walk in on someone I was dating now and find him wanking, I’d join in. If I found porn on his phone / laptop / iPad, I would definitely have a look. Of course I would. If I were alone, I’d probably enjoy some solo-time myself, getting off to the thought of him getting off, wondering what part of the video tipped him over the edge? The cumshot usually does it for me. I’ll even fast-forward  a while to get to that point if I want to hurry things along.

Porn does have it’s negatives, I understand that. It gives people unrealistic ideas of what sex is like,  what the body is really like, blah blah blah. But it can be a good thing too, can’t it? I like to think I’ve learned a few tricks to try on my other half over the years from watching porn, and I’ve definitely tried new things on my own body because of something I saw in a blue movie once.

So here’s the advice I *wish* I’d given to my friend but didn’t because I’m diplomatic and supportive and just listened and mmhmmm’d in the appropriate places instead:

Girl, get over yourself. He’s a guy, he has hormones, sometimes he wants to jerk off. It has no bearing on you, or how much he wants you. He can jerk off in the morning and still want to bed you that afternoon or night, or even ten minutes later. He can jerk off to other women on a TV screen and not be cheating on you. He can think about having sex with those women while he’s pumping his hand up and down because he’s not touching them. He’s jerking off, that’s it. What would you rather he did? Fucked someone else? I know you want to be the ONLY thing he’s thinking about while he’s yanking his chain, but come on. I mostly (ish) think of my significant other while I’m jerking off but occasionally Gerard Butler pops up in there. I can’t help that. Neither can he. And why should he? (Or I?) It’s solo-time. Fantasy time. I want Jared Leto as the Joker to come in one night, tie me to the bed and do unspeakable things to me, and sometimes I might even think about that when I jerk off, but it’s hardly cheating on my partner. It’s definitely not grounds for tears.

I believe that you need to pick your battles in life. Porn is not a battle you should fight, because it’s not one you will ever win. If you ban him from watching porn, he’ll watch it behind your back. He’ll find a way to watch it, even if it means deleting his history in future. He’ll just be more careful. He’ll take extra measures to make sure you don’t find out and at that point, he’s actually being deceitful and lying to you. That’s opening up a brand new can of worms.

Each to their own, I get that, but you can’t stop a man watching porn. Why would you even want to? It’s really not that big a deal.

Oh, you should jerk off yourself more too.

** Just to keep you in the loop – the “weird” porn was bakkuke and cumshot compilations. It sounds her other half and I might just get along …