When I woke up this morning, I was in a great mood. It’s date day today and I was super excited to see Brown Eyes. He’s taking me out early tomorrow, something to do with learning how to make coffee or something like that, but it’s curling up on the sofa with him tonight that I’m more looking forward to. That man can cuddle like a true pro. But then, in true typical me-style, the day went from excitedly great to totally shit in about 0.3 seconds.
I started my morning regime – check Facebook, take a peek at my emails and work out how many of them I’m going to ignore today, check Twitter, check Instagram… That’s when it differed from the norm. For some bizarre, weird and wonderful reason, I decided to stalk The Dom. Why? I don’t know why. I don’t even know why he popped into my head but I headed on over to the search bar and started to type in his username. And then I noticed something.
The auto-finish feature had finished his username for me and had brought up his profile but it also told me that he had a follower…. The home-wrecking bitch who tried to break up Someone New and I… twice. And succeeded.
Right, they don’t know each other. They have no reason to know each other. They don’t live anywhere near each other and in fact, The Dom has recently moved further away by all accounts. Why is she following him? More than that, why is he following her back?
Secondary to that, why is Instagram telling me they’re following each other? We’re not following each other. The Dom and I, or the home-wrecker and I. Her profile is private. I’ve only ever stalked her once, over a year ago when she first started causing Someone New and I a fuck load of hassle. It seems a little odd that I would see that information. It just seems a little odd full stop. She follows a couple of hundred people. How and why would he be one of them?
It makes me very uncomfortable. The Dom almost ‘outed’ me on a number of occasions “without thinking” and the last thing I would want is for the girl who hates me to tell the boy who loves me (and whose heart I broke twice) all the nasty things I said about him. Like this: This Is Why We’re Breaking Up…
I’ve cut my ties with him. I’ve realised he’s not the guy for me. I know he would be much happier and much better suited with someone else, probably the home-wrecker if I’m honest, but he doesn’t need to know all those things I said about him. I know he’d read them if they were brought to his attention and that’s the last thing I’d want. I just don’t know why they’re following each other. There’s no need for it, no reason for it. There’s no sense behind it.
There’s been a few other weird little things too. Bestie has received weird and random messages in his ‘archived’ Facebook message box relatively recently asking if he and I are dating, from accounts no longer in use. I’ve had a couple of weird messages to my personal Facebook page too… Messages that could (or could not) be blog-related. I’m starting to wonder if maybe all the little things aren’t a coincidence. Or maybe I’m just being super paranoid? Either way, there are lots of little things that aren’t adding up. Lots of little things that aren’t making sense. You know? Call it female intuition, call it what you like, but something ain’t right ‘ere. I’m start to wonder if maybe this girl is stalking me. She’d need to go a long way back through my Instagram account to find ties to The Dom. I’m a very regular poster. And that’s the only way she’d have a chance of finding any tie between us. Maybe she’s behind some of those weird and wonderful messages on Facebook too? She’s a crazy bitch, we already know that, but how crazy is she? Is she stalker-crazy? This all seems to have happened fairly recently. It’s just a little… odd?
It reminds me of something The Dom said when we were doing whatever it was we were doing. Something about not being able to have a boyfriend and a blog at the same time and needing to give one up at some point. I’d argued with him of course. I’d managed to keep my blog relatively quiet for a number of years without getting busted, I’m sure I could handle both with ease. But now, now those words are ringing in my ears. I’m starting to wonder if maybe he was right. Maybe it is time to grow up and give it up? Maybe I just make things overcomplicated by writing everything down and trying to keep it anonymous? I’m always a little concerned someone I know will find out I write this and ‘out’ me… I don’t really want my Dad reading this stuff, you know? That would make me feel weird. In fact, I wouldn’t want anyone I talk about or know reading this either. The last thing I would want is for Jock to know how much I still felt for him, and how hard getting over him really was. I wouldn’t want The Director to know how much he got to me, or for Someone New to find out I really wasn’t into him for much longer than I told him about. I certainly wouldn’t want Brown Eyes to read it. He’d think I’m nuts! I am nuts but he should find out about that slowly and over the years, not in one foul swoop. There’s almost five years of totally nuttery on here, that’s a lot of nuttery!
Oh and speaking of Brown Eyes…