If you’ve been following me on Twitter, you’ll know that Someone New, or SN, is back in the picture. It’s happened slowly and over time, innocent chat followed by cute kisses at the end of a wonderful coffee date, our sorry’s said and the past left behind us.
But is it?
*Find the back story here: This is Why We’re Breaking Up
I haven’t had the best track record when it comes to ‘getting back with the ex’ as it were. In fact, every time I’ve attempted this before, it’s gone horribly wrong. Usually for me. But SN, he’s really trying. And not just saying all the right things, he’s doing all the right things too. He’s doing all the things I got annoyed at the other guy’s for not doing – flirting but not too much (awkward one-sided lunchtime phone sex aside), respecting me, being polite, texting regularly throughout the day, requesting dates, being funny and witty, trying to make time for me when I know he has only a limited supply spare… He’s really trying.
He loves me, or at least he did. He’s made no secret of that. His life hasn’t been right since I left and he’s pined every day since. He hasn’t dated anyone else, he hasn’t slept with anyone else, he hasn’t even tried. He deleted his POF account (true story, I checked) and waited to get over me. Except he didn’t.
His pining for me got worse to the point where he had no choice but to message me. He’d written and deleted hundreds of messages trying to apologise, beg for me back, tell me he loved me but he didn’t because he was scared I would reject him. These are all his words by the way.
He never expected me to message him back and he was delighted when I did. Now he wants more. He’s a ‘grey area’ now but he wants to be my manfriend again. He wants us to go back to the way we were. The only problem is I don’t really know how we were. I was torn between wanting to fall in love with him and wanting to ditch him for not being the right guy for me. And those were my exact words.
It takes me back to a line I remember from Sex and the City when Carrie is told by a friend who got married that she should love / marry someone who loves her more than she loves him. I know SN will be a ‘safe bet’ for me. He’s not a cheat, despite what it may have looked like, he’s just a dickhead who went the wrong way to get my attention. I was as cold as ice because I was heartbroken over Jock and petrified I had bowel cancer or cervical cancer. Or both. But he’s a good guy and one that would happily provide everything I could ever want or need from him. He’s letting his playful, sexually experimental side out in little sexy text messages throughout the day, for my benefit but also for his he says. He’s never been allowed to indulge that naughty little side of him and our sexual connection was great… At times. Sometimes he’s right, sometimes he’s not.
But I’m torn. I’m torn between having another shot at seeing where things go because last time wasn’t a great time and I had so much going on, or putting a stop to things. Now. Before either of us gets hurt.
We couldn’t have sex before which didn’t help matters. I’m a very sexual person and so’s he. At the beginning of our relationship we should have been fucking like bunnies and we couldn’t. So maybe now? Is timing really that important in matters of the heart? (Or the vagina.)
But is it fair for me to try this again on a whim, on a just-in-case? I know how much he cares for me so surely by saying yes, I’m leading him on? What if it doesn’t work? I’ll have broken his heart twice. For something I thought I already knew anyway?
But then there’s another side. Remember when I wanted The Director to give me a second chance and he said no? Or rather, didn’t and just ignored the question until it (me) went away? Isn’t this just what SN is asking for? A second chance? Don’t we all deserve that? I definitely think I did from The Director and I was pi-iiiii-ssed he didn’t give me the opportunity to prove I wasn’t totally crazy.
Shall I get back with the ex…
Ha! What a joke.