When I think that life can’t kick my butt any more than it has done, it goes and deals me another blow. Not content with the hellish year of 2015, apparently 2016 is gonna be a bumpy one too.
Jock is engaged.
Yesterday, I found out that one ex had a baby.
Today I find out the love of my life is marrying someone else.
My heart has been ripped in two. The news hit me like a freight train. And then I went looking for her online … to see the two of them together. It made me want to scream. She’s a carbon copy of me. Literally, a replica. She looks the same as me, has the same job as me, lives the same kind of life I lead. We even have a few mutual fucking friends. And they look so happy together. I didn’t even know he was dating someone else and now he’s fucking engaged? I’m beyond devastated. I know I needed closure, so I guess I should be glad that I finally got it. But it hurts so bad. My heart hurts. I kept kinda thinking that we’d end up getting back together one day, even now. Not now, though. It’s done now.
I can’t keep putting my heart through this. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I blocked them both. They needed to be eradicated from my mind, but I can’t do it quite so easily with my head. Tomorrow, I’ll be spring cleaning. I need to get that man out of my life — out of my head, my heart. I can’t write any more words. I’m hurting.
Let’s forget he exists. I don’t ever want to hear his name ever again.