I tried to take a step back. From The Dom, I mean. Things were getting too complicated. He was starting to ask questions I didn’t know the answers to. When were we gonna meet? Why am I still flirting with other boys? Confused and more than a little pissed off with my own indecision, I finally made a decision.
I cooled things off and then we had phone sex. Isn’t that how all good ‘breakups‘ go? (I say breakup in the loosest sense of the word. We weren’t actually together, together at any point.)
I simply can’t get over the fact that he’s a blog reader. It’s as simple as that. He knows everything about me, even the stuff I wouldn’t want my closest friends knowing. How did he seriously expect me to get my head around that?
“Just meet me and you’ll know,” he stated. If only it were that easy…
But what am I waiting for? What’s behind all my indecision? Is he just not the right guy for me like so many of the others or is it something more than that? Is it the blog thing? Is it because he’s some random guy from the Internet? Is it because he knows me better than I know myself without even having to meet me? So many questions, none of which I have the answers to. Except one question. One question I know ALL the answers to.
Does he excite me sexually? Yes.
We were on the phone. He was trying to talk me to sleep. It sounds bad but he does it most nights via text. He used his voice to soothe me except it didn’t have a soothing effect. Every syllable that came out of his mouth was like foreplay. His funny little accent and the way he says certain words… It does something to me. Even the most non-sexual of sentences have some kind of kinky undertone. It’s hard to explain but the whole time we were on the phone all I could think of was how much I wanted him to give me my commands, tell me my instructions. Tell me how to touch myself and when I could cum. I’m starting to think I might be very good at being submissive. Or at the very least HIS submissive.
I love every part of the naughty game he plays. Like the other day when he was giving me my instructions sat on a packed train. He took great pleasure in telling me at least seven or eight other people could hear him. It drove my head wild to know I was climaxing with big, almighty groans for him while he was surrounded by so many people. It drove me crazy that he had no care for the people around him or how much they’d hear of his sordid demands. I wish I could be more like that – not giving a fuck and more open with my own sexuality. I thought I was. Pah!
This time though, this time was something different. It was halfway through the conversation when he told me he was playing with his cock. He told me to play with myself too although I refused. Just earlier on I told him we needed to stop our game. It was playing with my head and he was getting too demanding. It was all just a little too much but that didn’t stop me secretly bowing to his demands. I grabbed my rabbit and put it on the quietest, slowest setting I could find. Holding it against my clit, I held the conversation for as long as I could. My intentions were not to tell him what I was doing at all. I wanted to gauge his reaction when I just came hard down the phone for him out of nowhere. In typical ‘me’ fashion, I spilled the beans, not only because I wanted to but also because I could no longer regulate my breathing. It’s funny that when you tell yourself not to cum, it’s the first thing your body aches to do. I ached to cum, I didn’t even want to wait for his permission. I still did though… Because I’m a good girl.
I found myself on the brink of my orgasm and desperately waiting for him to find his. “Not yet, wait for me. I’m almost there…” The sound of the little groans escaping his throat were torture for me. The sound of a man’s pleasure always gets me hot under the collar, especially knowing I got him there. His little sounds are no exception, almost whimpering groans. Groans I don’t doubt will drive me NUTS in person.
But we’re back here again, me craving the feel of his hands on my skin in my post-orgasmic glory and him just too far away. Just the other end of the phone but it’s starting to not be enough. The man I don’t want to meet is now also the man I can’t wait to touch, kiss and caress. In order to do that, I’m gonna need to grow some balls and finally meet him. That man who’s been commanding my orgasms for the last few weeks, and taking up way too much space in my head.
I need to know if this connection, sexual or otherwise, is there in person. Because if it is, I want me some of that.