It Really Irritates Me When Men Shave Their Chests

17/10/2015: Operation Blog Catch-Up

It really irritates me when men shave their chests. Actually, do you know what? It really irritates me when men shave any other area of their body than their face and their nuts. What’s the point? Why are men doing this?

The Director was a big fan of this weird shaving behaviour. In fact, I’ve dated a few men like this. Men who would rather be almost-bald and spiky rather than the hairy men they were born to be. I genuinely don’t get it and feel like I should share my rant with the world.

It really irritates me when men shave their chests!

Men – the area you have shaved will be baby-smooth for a total of 12 hours max. After that it will grow back prickly and spiky.

When you’re on top of me, your chest will irritate my chest and leave it bright red and patchy. If you shave your nether regions (usually leaving a weird horizontal line of hair just below your belly button), it’ll irritate with my shaven / waxed haven and there’ll be all sorts of lumps and bumps happening. Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for a bit of man-scaping but there really is no need for a man to be completely bald down-there. Or up-there on his chest. I really want to see some hair!

I don’t think I’ve ever really given the topic of male body hair much consideration over the years but one thing has become increasingly more apparent, I’m really not a fan of that shaved, baby-oiled-up image. That glossy, ripped, male stripper look? No thanks. I’m very aware of how many hours per day a body like that takes to achieve, and how many shit supplements you need to take to get there too.

(Don’t even get me starting on the man-struating. Ripped-up men are mood-swing men… Just saying!)

I think, if you’ve got grey chest hair, you probably should just refrain from taking your shirt off in public if you’re ashamed of it. Do you want to know what’s worse than grey chest hair? Grey chest hair barbs where there was once grey chest hair but now there’s just these tiny little sharp spikes which irritate me in more ways than one – physically and otherwise. I like grey hair. I’m a big fan of the silver fox. The greyer the better if you ask me. Leave it where it is. Stop Veeting it off. That’s even worse than shaving. That shit just stinks.

What happened to men being men? When did men start spending much longer in the bathroom than I do? And let’s be honest about this, if I’m getting ready, I’ll be needing to clear a good couple of hours out of my schedule. All that shaving and moisturising and applying of makeup – it all takes time. Too much time.

Seriously though, every guy I’ve dated recently has been obsessed with chest hair, lack of chest hair, patchy beards, abs, haircuts, face moisturisers…. When did men turn into women?

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate a guy that puts effort in for me because Lord knows I put a lot of effort in for him. But this shit is ridiculous. I don’t care how many products you use daily to keep your face so soft, I don’t care about your new wet-razor, and I definitely DO NOT care much for that spiky chest / groin / any other random and ridiculous area you feel like hacking away at with your razor this week.

Seriously – trim don’t shave.

You’re a MAN! You’re meant to have hair!

I love to run my hands through his chest hair while I lay in the nook of his armpit on lazy Sunday mornings. How am I meant to run my fingers through it when there’s nothing there? No wait, I stand corrected. How am I meant to do that when there’s nothing there but a prickle-bush full of prickly?

I don’t know about you ladies but I like a man to be a real man. I want him to do a manly job and to act in a manly way. I want the dad-bod with facial stubble or a beard. (The only place prickly stubble is allowed!) I want him to retreat to his ‘man cave’ and I want him to be stronger, bigger, wiser than I am. I know I can do just as much as a man can do because I have proved that countless times throughout my life. I also know when to pick my battles. I don’t need a man to ‘take care’ of me but I do want the protective arms of a real man around me. You know?

How can I have all that when he’s too busy in the bathroom shaving his chest hair?

I mean c’mon.