It’s hurting more than I thought it would, the breakup between Someone New and I. I guess breaking up sucks whether you’re in love with the guy or not. I may not have been in love with him but I did care about him. Maybe that’s why his silence has really upset me?
He kept saying we needed to talk and he would call me but he never did. I never contacted him either but I’m not the one in the wrong. I shouldn’t be the one doing all the chasing. I shouldn’t need to tell him what to say or how to act. I’m the one who’s been hurt. He should be grovelling.
You see, this is what I hate about breaking up. Breaking up makes me petty. It makes me crazy. It makes me a whining little bitch. I don’t let anyone see that side of me of course, I’d have no friends left if I did. But inwardly and to you guys, this breakup is driving me a little crazy.
It’s like he’s wound me up, pissed me off and then left me to my own devices. I don’t have anyone to vent my anger or frustrations on. There are so many petty, little things I’m annoyed about. And now I won’t get the chance to tell him. Or scream at him.
I’m annoyed that he never called me any one of the three nights he said he would. I’m annoyed we never got to have breakup sex. I’m annoyed that he doesn’t seem to give a shit about our breakup and has met it with complete silence. I’m annoyed he hasn’t even acknowledged our petty Facebook-unfriending. I’m annoyed he told me he wanted to talk but then never bothered to even text me. I’m annoyed that he turned out to be as useless as the rest of them. I’m just annoyed.
Ever since that ‘date’ with that bitch he’s been really weird too. He hasn’t tried to chase me like he normally would. He hasn’t messaged me at all. It’s been very unusual Someone New-behaviour. He’s normally all over me like a rash, wanting to know where I’ve been, what I’m doing, demanding photos of my face right there and then, I think to check where I really am. Ever since the date with that home-wrecking whore, I’ve been a non-entity. And it wasn’t because we broke up because we didn’t actually break up until two days later. Maybe three.
Maybe he did sleep with her? Maybe that’s why he met my “It’s over,” with a cool “Errr OK” and then never got in touch again? This was a man who, just a couple of weeks ago, was telling me he thought I could be the one to give him what his two friends had – a nice house, a happy family, a cute dog and a beautiful baby girl. What happened to that? Maybe she happened to that? I don’t have any other reason for it. I can’t come up with any other reason why a man would just stop talking and not bother with a woman who just poured her heart out to him, telling him how much he had hurt her with his shitty actions. If he were to have told me I’d hurt his feelings, I would have apologise (for one), and I would have made damn sure he knew I wouldn’t do it again. Someone New didn’t do any of those things. In fact, he even went as far as to tell me that he would put that Facebook filter in place where you need to approve everything that everyone tags you in. Are you kidding me? So instead of NOT doing the things that would upset me, you’d just go out of your way to make sure I didn’t find out about them? Surely that’s even worse?
He took up almost eight months of my life. That wasn’t nothing for me. I know we weren’t meant to be and I don’t want him back, but it would have been nice to at least know he cared about our breakup. I don’t want him but that doesn’t mean parting ways has been easy for me. It hasn’t. It’s been bloody awful. I obviously cared more about him than I gave myself credit for. As much as I know he’s not the right man for me, there’s a big part of me that actually does miss him. I miss talking to him about everything and nothing. I miss looking at my phone and seeing a cute or funny message from him. I miss him bugging me over and over again when I don’t respond right away. Funny, right? It’s funny the little things you miss when you breakup with someone, whether you know it’s the right decision or not.
Ugh. Another day, another miserable breakup. Seriously, my life is full of them. One after the other after the other.
I guess I best start healing and getting myself ready for the next one…
Breaking up sucks.