I know any breakup is a bad breakup and my heart goes out to all those guy’s and girl’s with their stories of unrequited love, but is there really any such thing as a good way to breakup with someone? If you know the person you’re with isn’t the right kind of person for you, and you can’t see a future with them despite them being a truly wonderful person, what is the right way of doing it?
Is there a right way to break up with someone?
Take my current situation as an example. My boyfriend, Someone New, is an amazing man who I would proudly call my better half any day of the week. However, there’s just no ‘deep’ connection. Sexually we get along great, and there’s plenty of chuckles and laughs along the way too. But there’s something blocking my head from getting carried away with this man, with thoughts of a happy-ever-after. Something is stopping that from happening.
See, that’s how I know I’m not that into him – I can’t see any hint of a future with the guy. He’s a ‘right-now’ guy. It’s an idea I’ve been pondering for a while, but now I’m sure. We will never be a forever thing.
He hasn’t done anything wrong, I wouldn’t want you to think that. There have been no serious fights, no fights at all in fact, and there’s been no deep betrayals, or little white lies. There’s none of that. He just doesn’t excite me in a way I wish a lover would. Not just in bed, but out of it too. Is that really too much to ask for? A little bit of excitement?
For a couple of weeks I have known this relationship is going nowhere. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve known for longer than that. I just don’t know what to do about it. It’s hardly the kind of thing you can say out loud, is it?
“Hi, yeah, sorry. Something between us just hasn’t clicked so for me, I don’t really see it going anywhere.”
If someone were to say those words to me, I would be beyond raging. I would be hopping mad. That’s no reason to break up with someone.
Except it is.
I don’t see the point in being with him. He’s looking for his happy ever after, as am I. He seems pretty intent that I’m the right gal for him, but I can’t say the same. Well, guy not girl, but you know what I mean. Seven months in and it’s about time I faced facts – he’s just not the right guy for me. He’s not a bad man, he doesn’t really do anything wrong, there’s just something missing.
But how do I say that to him?
They say honesty is the best policy, but is there really any place for honesty within a breakup? Surely the words I want to say to him are more harmful to him than beneficial? I am essentially calling him boring, and not enough of a man for me. That’s not a statement that would bode well with any man, let alone a control freak that I’m pretty sure has already fallen in love with me.
I’m all for honesty, but I know this relationship has been my failure. I should have ended this a long time ago, when I first got the inkling we weren’t going to go far. I let things carry on for this long. I let things go too far. I knew this would happen, just like One Ball, and even the Lapdog before him.
So how do I do this?
Clearly over the phone is a no-go. I respect him too much to just throw those relationship-ending words his way over the phone. So that makes text message and email a big no-no too. Skype or FaceTime isn’t all that acceptable either. I’d be pissed if someone Facetime’d me out of the blue to dump me. The poor guy has no idea what is coming. So I guess that just leaves face to face. Fuck.
Part of me wishes I didn’t care so I could just leave a voicemail and be done with it. But that’s not the kind of person I am, nor is it the kind of person I want to be. I don’t want him to think of me as a bitch, not at all. I’d love to have him in my life as a partner, but I just know it doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t quite fit. I’d love to keep him in my life as a friend but I don’t think that could happen either. I know he cares for me too much for that. That makes me sad. Genuinely sad, not just sad for him, sad. Sad for me too.
So how do I do this? What do I say? Is there a right way to breakup with someone? Are there better ways of saying the words I want to say, but can’t get out?
Is there a better way of saying “You’re just not the right guy for me“?