I really need to talk about last night. I really, really, really need to talk about last night. It’s been a shit few weeks, hasn’t it? In fact, it’s been a shit few months, so the fact that I have something exciting and naughty to talk about for a change has filled me with happiness.
To start with, I didn’t know whether or not I actually wanted to go and see Someone New last night, but I decided to go because he was getting antsy for not having seen me in over two weeks. We arranged a time and a place, and I was [probably predictably] many hours late. No part of the day went as I’d planned and I spent more of it fart-assing around and doing nothing than I should’ve. If I’m honest, I’d kinda banked on cancelling the date. I’m not sure why I didn’t just cancel. But I’m glad I went to see him.
He’s had to be really careful with me the last few times we’ve hung out as I’m still recovering from the LLETZ procedure I had done, but we’ve rarely managed it. He’s made me bleed every time — and sometimes for days after. This time, though, he promised he go gentler on me. I wouldn’t exactly say he was gentle, but we didn’t have any post-sex bleeding. WOOHOO!
We had a lazy evening on the couch, watching Finding Nemo because we clearly haven’t grown up yet. We ordered fish and chips and snuggled in his super-soft blanket, and I gave him the obligatory blowjob on the couch. This is a tactic I’ve discovered works for when you don’t see your lover all that often. If we were to just head straight to sex, he’d blow his load too soon and then other things are no longer on the table. I’ve noticed that many men don’t like going down on me after they’ve pumped me full of come, for example, and that means I miss out on all the fun. I give head a lot, but I expect it right back. And that’s why I give him head first. It gets that first ejaculation out the way, no early, surprising finishes on the cards, and I think it relieves a bit of nervous tension too. And I just love giving head, but that’s an added bonus for us both.
We didn’t wait long after tat before climbing into bed, and he reached into his bedside cabinet drawer to pull something out: a black, silky blindfold. It would appear my boyfriend went shopping. He positioned the blindfold on me and shifted my limbs so that my body was spreadeagled in front of him, and I waited for what I thought was the inevitable: for him to go down on me. And I waited. And I waited. Instead of feeling his soft lips around my pussy, however, I felt nothing. I just heard something instead. At first, I thought they were clicking noises, but then I wasn’t sure what they were. Completely blindfolded and naked in front of him, I felt nervous. This was new territory for us and we hadn’t discussed safe words or boundaries or anything like that. Yes, we’ve discussed the things we want to do to each other in bed, but none of our chit-chat has been particularly non-vanilla. I felt something. Excitement, yes, but something else also. Fear. And I’d forgotten just how sexy fear could feel. It’s been such a long time since someone went out of their way to push my boundaries that I’d almost forgotten how it feels.
He held my nipples in his fingers, rubbing his thumb over the top of them, and then I felt something that wasn’t his fingers. Something that vibrated and clamped down onto my nipples, but not in a way that hurt them too much. Just the right amount of pain, dancing with pleasure.
“How does that feel?” he asked, and all I could do was groan in response. My head couldn’t think straight to formulate sentences, eagerly anticipating what he’d do to me next. Thankfully, he didn’t make me wait long. I felt his tongue start to tickle and lap around my stomach and down to my groin, and he used his hands to part my thighs more as he lowered his mouth to my sex. Using first his mouth, then his fingers, and then both at the same time, he made me come. Hard. He told me he’d never felt me come like that before, back arched and my thighs clamping around him so much that he marvelled at the strength of them. It was mind-blowing for both us, the entire night, start to finish. The nipple clamps and the blindfold were simple additions to our sex life, and ones that I didn’t expect him to introduce. His playful sexualness made me putty in his hands and I’d have let him do virtually anything he wanted. I did let him do anything he wanted. I let him slide into me again before finishing himself off in my mouth, and then I let him spoon me to sleep, waking me up this morning by fucking me one more time. And as I came around from my slumber by the sounds of him in the shower, I realised something: he tries really hard to make me happy. In bed and out of it.
The nipple clamps, for example, came from a conversation we had a few days ago. We’ve covered a decent number of sex-related topics during our conversations, usually by phone as we don’t get to see each other face-to-face that much. He asked me what one of my biggest bugbears about sex was and I told him men seem to be obsessed with my large chest when it’s all clothed and we’re in the bar, but as soon as we get home and they’re naked, no one plays with them. Men just aren’t playing with my nipples enough — and they should! There’s a direct line between my nipples and my clit, and it’s a connection well worth exploring if you’re trying to make me come.
But he listened to this, and he took it in. And because of what I said, he went out and bought a set of nipple clamps to make a conscious effort to include my breasts in sex. He dedicated a huge chunk of time to just playing with them. Biting my nipples, tweaking them, nibbling on them, licking them, blowing them … all in between clamping and un-clamping our new nipple toys.
We talk a lot, normally via our phones because we don’t see each other enough, and we’ve covered a lot of topics. Sex, obviously, is one of the biggest things we talk about, and I’ve already explained to him in great detail my annoyance about guys seriously avoiding my nipples, despite being perma-obsessed with my tits. He listened to what I said about enjoying the fine line between pain and pleasure, and that’s why he specifically chose a clamp-based nipple toy rather than others. This is the man who told me just a few weeks ago that he thought he was a pretty vanilla man when it came to sex. What happened to that guy? I know we’re not exactly jumping headfirst into serious bondage and BDSM here, but I like this version of him. Make me your plaything, Someone New, I don’t mind it in the slightest!
But seriously though, he’s really trying. We’ve been dating for three and a half months and I can honestly say there’s nothing that really bugs me about him. Little things and a couple of red flags, yes. But nothing overly no-thanks’y. I’m starting to develop real feelings for him. I don’t know what they are, and I’m definitely nowhere near ready for the whole L-word thing yet, but they’re definitely there. The L-word is on the very tip of his tongue, I think. It keeps popping up in random places, like the random hearts he sends me via text. I’ve NEVER sent him a heart. I don’t do that.
I’m still not quite sure even though, by all accounts, Someone New is actually a pretty damn awesome guy — and very well matched to me. But why not? If he’s ticking all the right boxes and we have the right chemistry why isn’t it all sliding into place? Why am I still not quite sure? He rocked my world last night and yet today, I’m up and down about him. It feels like I’m constantly taking three steps forward and five steps back in regards to my feelings towards him. Why??
Still, I had AMAZING sex last night.