So, the funniest thing happened to me yesterday. I just happened to be flicking through Facebook checking up on the news of the day when I got a random friend request. I thought to myself, I wonder who’s adding me…
I didn’t recognise the name. It was familiar but I couldn’t really remember where from. I had a quick stalk through his Facebook profile and the very few profile pictures he had on offer and I realised… What a blast from the past!
He’s number 28 from What’s Your Number? Updated… The Married Guy.
I was 18 years old, working in a pub and he was one of the first soldier boys that happened to chat me up. He came as part of a trio – The Irish Guy, The Big Guy and The Married Guy. They all wanted to fuck me. They all said as much. Only The Married Guy got to. What a twat I was.
I remember there being rivalry between them. One night The Married Guy put laxatives in The Big Guy’s drink so that he couldn’t keep flirting with me and chatting me up. I swapped shirts with The Big Guy in the pub one night. He wanted me. I kinda wanted him too. The Married Guy just got to me first. I was a little slut back then. Not a big one, just a little one.
I don’t really remember much about what happened or the sex that we had but I knew it was pretty passionate and more than a little nuts. I think we were drunk for most of it to be honest. Drunk sex with a hot older soldier boy is never something to turn your nose up at! I didn’t know he was married at the beginning but The Big Guy told me. Of course he did, he was trying to bed me. I remember having a blazing row with The Married Guy over it, and he told me that him and his wife weren’t happy together and were just staying together for the kids. His wife used to cut herself up pretty bad and he hadn’t been happy for years. I was his little bit of happiness. He actually used pretty much every line under the sun.
I remember agreeing to meet and talk one Sunday afternoon and I waited in the pub for him to turn up. He never did. And I never heard from or spoke to him again. I didn’t have his mobile number because… well, he was having an affair. I was just the stupid little barmaid in the local pub. He told me he didn’t have a mobile phone. I believed him because I was a fucking idiot.
A few years ago, I remember finding him on Facebook and I sent him a cheeky little message. He never returned the courtesy but he did change his account to what looked like a fake foreign named account, and judging by the friend request I got yesterday, he eventually shut his account down and opened up a new one. He must have been very paranoid about me telling his wife. Honestly, I don’t really care that much to be honest. From what I can tell on Facebook, they are still together and have two little girls. They’ve stood the test of time so who am I to stand in the way of that? I wouldn’t even dream of spilling the beans. He could have just blocked me!
Anyway, back to the conversation in hand… After a couple of minutes of stalking, I noticed that there was no longer a friend request pending. He had cancelled it. Bestie thinks that he was probably checking me out and accidentally added me as a friend by mistake and then frantically tried to un-friend me again before I had a chance to notice. Well, I did notice. And I decided to play it cool. Super cool! I sent him this:
Funny, right? The perfect way to deal with a blast from the past that was never gonna leave his wife even though he kept promising too, and accidentally sent me a friend request when he was just stalking my pretty fabulous recent pictures… Pretend you don’t know them and make damn sure they explain themselves!
He hasn’t responded yet. I doubt he even will. He never meant to make contact in the first place, did he? I hope he had a good time looking at my recent pics though. To be fair, the ones I’ve made public (that he can see) are pretty damn awesome! I don’t mind him lusting after those. What would I do if he actually messaged me back though…? Would I respond? How would he even respond? “Hi yeah, I’m the guy you were fucking when you were 18 that fucked you over, left you waiting in a pub by yourself never to see me again, and never intended to leave the wife even though I promised I would… soon!”
The funny thing was, I broke it off more than a few times. The guy that owned the bar I was working in when I met him even said that I wasn’t allowed to date customers because The Married Guy was the second one that had gone a bit mental over me. Apparently, whatever ‘it’ is, I had it back then. I remember one time that I broke it off, he sat by the bar from the moment I started work, to the moment I finished work, getting steadily pissed. He was a bit stalker-ish in some respects although back then, I didn’t really see it as creepy, I just saw it as flattering. What a tit I was.
So yeah, I just thought I’d keep you in the loop. Another guy has crawled outta the woodwork. I’ll let you know what happens.
I am single now after all…