TNT – The Longer You Leave It, The More Volatile It Gets.

“What if a chat with the ex is like TNT? The longer you leave it, the worse it gets… The more volatile it ends up being?”


That’s quite the sentence, isn’t it? Remember I was talking about Number 4 – The Fireman recently? Well, he has very elegantly popped back into my life again. Why does this shit KEEP happening to me? Honestly, it’s ridiculous. It’s like a merry-go-round of men in my life. I’m such a whore.

It started with a lighthearted chat that soon lead to the information that he was home alone, was a bit tipsy, and didn’t live that far away… Pretty sure I just got booty-called.

I had no intentions of going to see him, of course. But there wasn’t anything wrong with talking… was there?

Talk we did – all night, and all morning too. It started with “I don’t know what to say… I want to reflect on our shared memories. But I think that’ll bring us both down?” That’s what he said. That’s what he actually said to me. Who actually says shit like that? Knob!

I replied with a more than dignified “Why? I look back at those times with fondness”. I was trying to find a way to keep the conversation going. I always loved flirting with this guy. I didn’t want to lead him on though. I must remain dignified at all times. He told me I was fabulous. He told my new pink hair looked amazing on me. He didn’t mention the weight loss, which I thought was quite odd. I’ve seen him around a few times though – I know he’s gotten fat.

We did end up reminiscing. We talked about the angry night. The words I believe we used were intense, explosive, passionate… He said this:

“It was bliss. It was stressful. It was dramatic. It was sexy. It was all of those things and more.”

You can’t blame me for thinking about it, can you? It was all of those things. It really was. It was a very passionate, very exciting, very intense, and very passionate love affair. It was two years of my life almost. It was amazing. It was heart-breaking and gut-wrenching and I know I genuinely did break his heart, but it was beautiful. I wouldn’t change those two years for the world. I wouldn’t even change the way it ended. I wouldn’t change a thing.

We are trying to find a time to meet up for coffee. Or tea. Or dinner. Or a couple of drinks. You know, whatever. I know what he was hinting at. He even asked me if I wanted to meet up there and then – 230am, with a thunderstorm outside. It would have been incredibly romantic. It would have been incredibly passionate. I didn’t get up to go meet him but I did put new batteries in my Rabbit, that’s all I’m saying.

We talked some more. He’s an insomniac. I’m an insomniac. Maybe we should have an insomniacs anonymous meeting in the middle of the night and go fight crime or something. He’d had a few drinks. I was stoned. The conversation went all sorts of weird and wonderful. It was hilarious. And then he reminded me of what actually happened when we first got together…

I think I might have forgotten a few of the events leading to us getting together in the post I wrote about him, so I’ll fill in the gaps here.

We didn’t have sex for about two months when we first started dating because he told me he thought he might have caught a STI. He slept with a girl and she had something and although he used a rubber, it broke because he has a massive cock, and he wants to be sure and get it all checked out first. That’s quite the sensible approach for a 17-year old lad. That was one of the things I loved the most about him when we first got together. So dependable. So reliable.

Waited we did, and it turned out that he didn’t catch anything, but that’s why we waited so long to have full sex, and spend two months doing everything else except that to me. It was the best two months of my life, for obvious reasons I would imagine.

Looking back, I wonder if that was a lie. Maybe he was just a virgin? I dunno. If I remember rightly, I remember having the same debate with myself back then. He was a good-looking guy but he was quite shy and awkward. He wasn’t easy to get to know, if you know what I mean? He’s not like that now. He grew up to be a dick. He’s never treated women very well but then again, that could have been because I broke his heart.

That’s pretty much where I fell asleep on him last night and this morning, I sent him a text to apologise, which he responded to and we’ve been talking ever since. It’s been three hours this morning, and almost three hours last night. Blimey, he’s really putting in the legwork here. Even after I blew him out too. He must really want it.

I forgot to mention that he told me he’s going away ‘soon’ to live, and it was likely to be in the next couple of months. He definitely wanted to see me before he went away. Definitely, definitely. Maybe he’s getting bored with his missus. Or maybe he’s seen my Facebook photos and realised that I’m hot again. Hot and skinny. I’m smiling right now.

This morning he was all full of compliments once more. I’m a friendly person. I’m ‘so attractive’. I’m beautiful when I flutter my eyelashes, and I can get whatever I want around any warm-blooded male. Men must be like putty in my hands.

What the fuck is this guy on? He’s REALLY putting in the legwork here isn’t he? I’m not tempted. Well, I am. Who wouldn’t be? But I’m not going to do anything about it. Is there anything really wrong with a little casual flirting? It’s not like Jock and I flirt with each other anymore. We barely remember to talk to each other so flirting is probably a lot to ask for right now.

I think I am going to meet him for a coffee or whatever too. Don’t worry, I have enough self-control. Nothing is going to happen. I’m gonna have to lie to the Bestie though. He would not approve. At all. In the slightest. Maybe not a lie. I don’t know. I’ll figure something out.

I’m playing with fire. I know that’s what you’re all thinking. I know I am. But I need to have a casual flirt with someone. I’m not actually going to do anything about it. I promise. I wouldn’t do that to Jock. But The Fireman was a massive part of my life for two years. He can’t just move away and not say goodbye. He’s always in my life in some form or another. Yeah, I’ll be fine.

Maybe it is like TNT – the longer you leave it, the more volatile it gets? We’ll soon find out…


*Photo provided by vectorolie /

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