Right guys – this is something you NEED to know. If the woman in your life shaves her legs or bikini line for you, and you don’t put out, you’re a fucking idiot.
My other half is a great guy but he’s pretty dumb sometimes. For example, if you’re a regular follower of my blog, you’ll know he has a habit of expecting/waiting for me to get primped and preened, present myself to him baby smooth and smelling of roses, and falling asleep on me before any nookie has a chance to commence. Just like the last time we saw each other. It drives me fucking crazy!!
Firstly, any girl will be off her rocker with rage if you do this to her.
Secondly, LEARN HOW TO READ THE SIGNS!
Do you have any idea how much hard work it takes for a girl to “get ready” for you? I’ve mentioned this before in Why Do Girls Take So Long to Get Ready? but apparently, guys still aren’t getting the hint. Let me educate you.
Girls – share this with your men! They need to know this!
A girl needs to make sure that she is nice, soft and baby-smooth for you. We begin with shaving.
This takes about half an hour for both legs. For the bikini line – it could take anywhere from five minutes to half an hour. This all depends on style, razor efficiency, hair growth, what product you’re using, and a whole bunch more. And I haven’t even started getting complicated yet. If you’ve got a style going on “down there”, you’ll need to add a bit more time for the art of perfection. Honestly, I can’t be bothered with all that. I’m an “all-off” kinda gal.
She needs to look good, taste good, feel good, and smell good. This means that she will probably be using a shower gel with a luxurious, rich fragrance. There’s also the body exfoliating for the ass and legs. Shampoo the hair twice, then condition. Probably again with a rich-smelling product that she’ll know you’ll love. There might be a “feminine beauty product” for her most intimate areas. If we’re expecting you to go down on us later on, we don’t want to jump into it with a stinky vag. There might be a body scrub thrown in for good measure.
We’re not even out the shower yet guys, and we’ve already put in more effort to our date than you could ever dream of. What did you do? Hop in the shower for five minutes and then spray on some antiperspirant? Pffft.
If, like me, she goes the whole hog, you may even find that she has a face mask on. Before she got in the shower, she may have popped some ‘tache cream on that upper lip hair she thinks you haven’t noticed. I always paint my toenails before I get in the shower too. It makes it easier to get rid of the polish I always seem to get on my skin. I hate that.
Once she’s out of the shower, there will be some sort of anti-frizz, heat-protecting, super conditioning product used on the hair, and it will be towel dried to within an inch of its life before being popped into a clip. She’ll grab the first of many more beauty products and starts slapping on. There will be the all-over moisturiser for her body. This will be one that smells delicious, and might even match the naughty little perfume she’s bought that she’s hoping you’ll fall in love with later on.
There will be the face moisturiser, the under-eye & anti-wrinkle cream, plus an anti-pimple gel. Foot cream for her poor over-worked feet and all it’s hard skin. Perhaps there will be time for a bit of work with the Ped-egg too? A quick touch-up of the nail polish on the finger and toenails, and the first spritz of perfume will get sprayed onto our naked bodies. We may put on fake tan, which takes forever and is more complicated than you will ever understand, and there’s the antiperspirant too… Sometimes two lots of if we are really nervous.
Next comes the underwear. We want sexy and stuff that matches the mood we are in, but also that goes with the outfit that we are planning on wearing… which we haven’t even begin to think about yet. This part of the whole getting-read journey could take hours. Do those shoes go with that dress? Should I wear these cute little frilly socks with it? What handbag would I wear? Does it all go with the new bracelet I just bought? Will my hair look better with it up or down? How am I wearing my hair? Crap! I haven’t dried my hair yet….
Yep – all of this happens. This is not made-up. This is not bullshit. All of this crazy shit happens. Sometimes, getting ready can be the most climatic part of the entire evening.
She’ll move onto the hair next. We do the outfit last so our hair doesn’t get all over it. She’ll dry it, plus straighten or curl it. She might pin it up and play with bits for a while. This could take an hour or more. It all depends how she’s wearing it. I guarantee those free-flowing curls that look easy and breezy actually took around 45 minutes to get right, and even then she still wasn’t happy with it.
The outfit… If she’s got new shoes, there’s a good chance she’s gonna start from the bottom and work her way up. She’ll try on ten different outfits before settling on the first one she tried on. She needs to find a bag that matches. Plus jewellery and other accessories – sunglasses, bracelets, earrings, necklaces, rings, brooches, ankle bracelets, etc. She’ll try everything on. There will be a lot of selfies in the mirror sent to friends to get a second opinion.
When we have gone to all this trouble for you not to even lay a hand on us. There is going to be trouble. If I have put more than a couple of hours of getting ready time into this date, you had better spend half an hour on sexing me up later on! You had better go down on me and rub your hands up by soft-as-anything legs and ass. You had better breath in the smell of perfume in my hair, and marvel at the makeup that took e about 45 minutes to put on. Oh yeah – I didn’t even start talking about the makeup….
A date for you means spending an extra couple of minutes washing your balls in the shower, and giving yourself an extra burst of man-smell before you leave the house. If we’re really lucky, you might even iron your shirt. It’s an extra ten minutes for you. It’s an extra couple of hours for us. We do it because we WANT you to see us as desirable and sexy. We want you to become smitten with everything about us – how soft our skin is, how great our hair smells, how good our pussy tastes… Do you think all of that magic happens naturally? Be serious.
What I’m saying here guys is this – if we have put THAT much effort into things for YOUR pleasure, you had better at least pretend not to be tired for long enough to give us a good fucking.