I have a huge blog-crush on Thought Catalog, which is probably patently obvious judging by the amount I re-blog them, as such. This post definitely made me laugh and I definitely feel that it deserves a bit more attention. It also makes me wonder what sort of things that you guys hate about sex? I read some pretty diverse blogs sometimes and I find each and every single one of them insanely intriguing. I’d love to know what you guys hate about sex – please carry this on!
*The link – 10 Things Everyone Hates About Sex
For now, I’m going to invite you once more into my sex life. I’m going to let you know the 10 things that I hate about sex!
10 – Those little noises.
This bugs me more than anything else on the planet. Why does my body feel the need to expel gas from my anus right at the crucial moment? It happened to me whilst fucking Jock just last week. Honestly, why the fuck does my body do that to me? I’m right there – right on the brink and then I concentrate and strain and *toot*; there it is.
9 – Does he think I just climaxed?
One thing that irritates me more than someone taking the last chicken bake in my local cafe is a man that thinks I came when I didn’t. You know what I’m talking about there – you think you might be getting there so you get a little bit more excited, and then he takes that as you pretty much being there and you can see the relief hit his face right there as he’s screwing you. Then he pounds away and climaxes himself and you are left all unsatisfied and, even worse than that, you basically just faked it. Uncool. Sort it out guys.
8 – Body fluids.
I hate it when a guy cums inside of me. Honestly it is the worst feeling in the world. The sensation of his slimy cum dripping down my ass onto the bed makes my skin crawl. I can’t rush to the bathroom quick enough. It grosses me out. I would much rather he finished in my mouth, my boobs; even my damn hair than inside of me. Ew.
7 – Guys that “fake’ it…
…When it comes to my tits. I have a large rack. Guys notice them. They get excited about them. I quite like the fact that even though I have lost a lot of weight, my boobs are still massive and they are all the more noticeable now that I’m skinner. What I hate is a guy that gets excited about my tits and then doesn’t feature them in the starring attraction. No tit-foreplay. Jock loves playing with my tits. That’s one of the reasons I love fucking him so much. Not many guys know exactly what to do with them though. It’s sad but true.
6 – Look into my eyes…
Why the fuck would you want to look right into my eyes at the point of no return? I’ve got a horrible orgasm-face. I am aware of this and I embrace it. I am sexier in other ways – you would be surprised at how horny it is when someone’s mouth is that close to yours when you explode with breath as your body pulsates with your climax. And then you can close your eyes. Seriously – turn the lights off or let me bury my face in the pillow. I don’t need you to see that face almost as much as I probably won’t like the way you look when you cum either. It’s a given that guys pull weird faces at the crucial moment. We’ve all been there.
5 – I’m not made of glass.
I hate guys that treat me like I’m the most fragile thing they’ve ever had in their hands. Seriously men – it’s okay to slap my ass or pull my hair. Jock is a bit older and very respectful of me and sometimes I wish he had a bit more spark in him. This changed last weekend however; he did all of the above. He slapped my ass and pulled my hair, kissed me and squeezed me hard. He left bruises and it felt good. Sometimes girls like it rough guys – it’s okay to explore these things from time to time.
4 – Guys that don’t finger me.
I don’t know if I’m allowed to say that but there; I’ve said it. What happened to the days when your fingers were inside me more often than not? I like being fingered. Why don’t guys do it more often? Please put your fingers inside me and try and find my g-spot. Please put a second finger in just to see how I’ll react. Please play with my clit. But not my clit directly – this is too much for me. You need to play around the clit. That’s what I like. Try and slide a third finger in just to see how I’ll react. Maybe even try some more… Honestly – I really like it.
3 – Silence.
I hate silence no matter what I’m doing. I can’t have silence. I have music on when I’m out and about and not talking to someone. I have the TV on when I’m at home and all through the night when I’m sleeping because I get easily freaked out by the silence. It’s never silent in my life. I hate silence during sex. It freaks me out! I need background noise like some sexy music or a film playing away to itself in the background. Please don’t try and have sex with me when it’s really quiet. I won’t enjoy it.
2 – Bush.
I don’t have hair. I don’t want you to be bald but please don’t have lots of hair. And you definitely need to trim your balls. I like to pop them in my mouth when I go down on you and I won’t want to do that if you’re all furry. Just do us all a favor and get the trimmer to the area every once in a while. Us ladies know that you are men and not very good at grooming but you could at least put in half a shot of effort at least.
1 – You stopped?
Guys that finish giving me head before I’m done really pisses me off. Once I get comfortable with a guy, giving me head is the fastest way to get things kick-started but I’m not going to lie; sometimes it takes a while. I get real nervous and squirmy when guys give me head. I’m pretty sure we’ve discussed this before.
If I let you give me head, you had better fucking finish me off. That’s all I’m going to say.