So, Jock dropped me off last night and things were weird for a bit longer. Me being me, I’ve been overthinking the shit out of it and I *think* I might’ve figured out what’s going on. [Last post > Shooting Stars & Sex in Cars]
Earlier in the day, not long after he picked me up, Jock said this to me:
“I’ve got something I need to tell you but I don’t want to tell you now. I’ll tell you later.”
I really fucking hate it when people do that to me. Like, tell me or don’t tell me, don’t just dilly-dally somewhere in the middle and wind me up with all the game-playing beforehand. Ugh. Anyway, after it became apparent that he wasn’t going to spill the beans, I let it go and totally forgot all about it.
Until now, obviously. Well, until about an hour ago, actually.
“Do you remember you had something to tell me? You didn’t actually tell me. Can you tell me now?” I asked.
“No, I’d rather wait until we’re face-to-face if that’s okay with you?” he replied.
What? That sounds ominous, doesn’t it? Do you think he’s going to break up with me? I hope not. Our last star-gazing date was wondering, as was the sex, and I’m not sure I want to give either him or the sex up yet.
Maybe it’s a good thing? I’m starting to wonder if it’s the L-word again. Maybe he’s going to say it? Properly. Not just dancing around the edges in that way we’ve both done up until this point. It makes sense for the big thing he’s not telling me to be the L-word, too: he perked up at the idea of romantic stargazing, and he clearly wanted some sort of romantic lovemaking situation rather than the furious little session we found ourselves in … I think he wants to say it. That’s why it’s gotta be face-to-face, right? I’ve already told him that I didn’t want it to be something we said to each via text message.
I’m half-hoping that he says it (the L-word), but at the same time, I still don’t think I’m ready to say it back. I didn’t feel like saying to him on the date, and if there was ever a time to say it, a night under the stars with meteors whizzing past above us would probably have been the perfect time and place. But that overwhelming urge I had to say it to him before has gone. It’s faded away a bit. I don’t think I don’t love him (slash falling for him)… I just think the urge to blurt it out has dissipated for just now. Temporarily, I imagine.
We’re on the right track … I just don’t think I’m ready for him to say it just yet.
He’s gonna say it though, isn’t he??