I was angry from the moment I woke up today. I have no idea why, I just was. Sleep had evaded me for much of the night, though I couldn’t pinpoint one specific reason for it, plus I think I’m starting to get a cold. With a big, black cloud hanging over from the second I opened my eyes, the rest of the day didn’t bode well …
I got even angrier when I checked my bank balance after my morning cup of tea. One Ball is meant to send me money for an iPad I took out on contract for him before we broke up, but he hadn’t done it … for the second time. So much for giving the damn thing to my mother if we ever broke up – his words. Since I’d let the first payment slide (with us going through our breakup and all), I figured it was about time to send a reminder of the agreement HE’D put in place: instead of giving it to my mother, he’d keep it for himself and just send me the money to cover the cost of the monthly contract. It wasn’t a lot of money each month as I’d gotten a huge work discount on it – that’s why I got it for him in the first place – but he insisted on paying for it after our split.
So … why wasn’t he paying for it?
I sent him a friendly message, checking in to make sure that everything was okay with him and his family, and asking him what he wanted to do about the iPad. Let’s just say that things got nasty pretty quickly.
“Why are you chasing me for the tiny cost of the iPad when you and your mother should be chasing your ex for all the money he owes her?!”
Okay, okay, okay, hold the fuck up.
Firstly: why the fuck is he bringing MY EX-BOYFRIEND into the conversation? Him and the ex [Big Love] are two completely separate entities, as are their “debts” … like, WHY IS BIG LOVE EVEN RELEVANT IN THIS CONVERSATION?
Secondly: I didn’t chase him for the fucking money. In fact, I never brought up the price/ownership of the iPad at all, ever; I just sent a text checking in. I didn’t talk about what might happen if we broke up when I gave it to him, and I certainly didn’t put any rules in place over who would pay if we broke up. I clearly didn’t think we were going to break up at the time I took out the two-year contract for him, but we make these dumbass mistakes and then learn from them, don’t we?
HE brought up the subject of ownership after I gave it to him. It was HIM who suggested giving it to my mother in the event of a breakup — in front of my mother. It was HIM who brought up the iPad after we broke up, and HIM who said that he wanted to pay for it. Not once – not fucking once – did I ever bring it up. It was about a tenner a month and there was 18 months-or-so left on the contract, plus it was a GIFT; I wasn’t expecting him to pay for it. It was a cost I could’ve done without, obviously, but I didn’t once ask him to either give it back or pay for it because I would’ve ended up paying the monthly contract whether we’d stayed together or not. Paying me the money for it was HIS choice.
We got caught up in a text-fight for a while, him slagging me off a lot and me wondering what the hell I ever thought I saw in the guy, and then he said something that made me a bazillion times angrier than I already was … and I was already pretty fucking angry:
“It’s really funny how you couldn’t ever make time for me yet you’ve managed to not only find and meet a new guy but move on with him pretty quickly. Maybe it’s just ME you couldn’t make time for.”
He’s talking about Jock, I’m assuming. The ONLY way he could know about Jock is if he’d been reading my blog; the one thing he kept saying he wouldn’t do but somehow had managed to do twice already (that I knew about). Nobody knows about Jock. We’ve not posted anything on Facebook. The only people I’ve told about my new potential relationship is my mother, my sister, and Bestie. And NONE of those people are going to be spilling my secrets to one of my ex-boyfriends. I think it’s fairly obvious at this point that One Ball is reading my blog, don’t you?
I do feel bad for One Ball, don’t get me wrong, because it’s clear that our relationship meant a truckload more to him than it did to me. But what am I supposed to do? I realised we weren’t right for each other and ended the relationship – which is the RIGHT thing to do – and then I moved on. Yes, I moved on quickly, I admit that but I can’t help the way that Jock fell quite spectacularly into my life, can I?
I’m not sure I even care that One Ball is reading my blog, either. Who’s he going to tell? One of 500 people I’m friends with on Facebook? Who cares? My blog isn’t even that juicy. Definitely not gossip-worthy. Plus it’s kinda weird to be reading about your ex-girlfriend hooking up with some new fella. He must have known that blog post was coming at some point? I’m sorry – and I feel guilty – for moving on so quickly, but I’m not going to put my life on hold because I realised one relationship with one guy wasn’t right for me. How long did he expect me to mourn our relationship??
How long should I have waited?