“You never said you were in a relationship now. Miss hearing from you :(“
Well, My Mr. Grey found out that I was in a relationship. (I’m still with One Ball, not that I’ve spoken about him in a while.) I tried to skirt around the subject a bit, telling My Mr. Grey that I thought I’d mentioned it before in a conversation, but he didn’t believe me. We ended up having a rather heated conversation and now I feel like shit.
“I knew it was all too good to be true,” he said to me. “I wish you’d spoken to me about this.”
I tried to explain how it felt like I’d put everything down in black and white in front of him only for him to basically ignore every question I asked regarding commitment, but I don’t think it came out very well. He responded by telling me that he wanted to tell me how he felt in person; to ask me to be his girlfriend *in person*, but then I’d kinda ghosted him and he then thought I wasn’t interested.
“Remember that wedding I invited you to?” he asked. “I had something special planned …”
And he went on to tell me all about it. He’d booked a nice hotel room for us to spend the night together after the wedding, and he’d bought himself a new suit for the occasion. Plus he bought champagne (for me; he doesn’t drink) and roses.
“I wanted it to be lovely and romantic and then you said you couldn’t come,” he said.
I’ve been searching for a romantic guy for my entire life but I couldn’t see the big romantic gesture when it was right there in front of me. I didn’t go to the wedding because I couldn’t get the time off work, but I didn’t exactly try my hardest to. I probably could’ve found someone to cover my shift. I just thought he was skirting around the idea of commitment with me; that he wasn’t ready to make that final leap of faith into boyfriend-and-girlfriendland. But no, he was waiting to SHOW me how he felt rather than just TELL me.
It didn’t even enter my mind that he could’ve been planning all of that. And I ruined it. I no-showed.
“You’re the one,” he went on. “I want you. I’ve always wanted you. I’m going to fight for you, and wait for however long it takes for you. I haven’t slept with anyone since we were last together, and I’m not looking for anyone else. I want you. All of it. The full she-bang. Marriage and kids, the lot.”
FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK.
Now what am I supposed to do? I finally get My Mr. Grey to answer the questions I’ve been asking for months … but I’m in a new relationship with One Ball now. A relationship with feelings. I love the guy, and he loves me. We’ve exchanged those words and discussed exclusivity. I can’t just drop everything and give My Mr. Grey what he wants because he’s finally decided to tell me. Yes, the big hotel gesture is lovely and romantic, but all he needed to do was answer the fucking question. It was simple: did he want to be with me or not?
But I can’t really be mad at him, can I? Because all I’ve ever wanted is a big, romantic gesture. I just couldn’t wait for it, or recognise it when it was right in front of my eyes.
But One Ball and I have been together for just six months. Does that even compare to the almost-decade I’ve known My Mr. Grey? And loved him? Because I really have loved him for almost all of that time. I picked The Hubby over him last time around … am I really going to pick One Ball over him now?
So, what do I do? I’m taking a leap of faith either way, aren’t I? Do I put my faith in a relationship that’s only been bubbling away for six months? Or do I throw that away for a guy who didn’t tell me he wanted me when I asked him six or seven months ago?
Why did he have to pick *right now* to confess his undying love for me? He saw my relationship status change; what the fuck is he playing at?
What do I do now?