Me & My Opinions My Dating Life One Ball 

I’ve Been Outed

My worst nightmare has happened. Someone has come across my blog and knows that it’s me who writes it. That someone is One Ball, because of course he had to go and fuck things up … more so than he already has done.

We’re at a crossroad here, people. This either means the end of this … or the end of us.

Blog versus boyfriend.

I told him that I was a dating/sex blogger, but I didn’t give him lots of information about it. Just the basics, skirting around the edges. Yes, I talk about sex – and our sex life – but it’s all anonymous, no identifying information is shared, etc. He promised me that he would respect my privacy and NOT go looking, but today, he found himself bored at work, tapped a few words into Google, and found exactly what he was looking for.

“I’m such a prick.”

“Why?”

“Because I typed a few words into Google and found your sex blog.”

“How could you??”

In case you’re interested, he typed in: “One Ball running into door”, or some combination of those words. I shoulda picked a better name for him … or not let slip what my nickname for him was. I’m such a dumbass. But apart from that, I’ve covered my tracks as best as I can while still being totally honest with him and what kinda stuff I’ll be writing. He shouldn’t have gone looking for it. He actually promised me that he wouldn’t, so not only has this guy lied to me multiple times already, he’s already breaking promises. I’m not happy. In fact, I’m totally freaking out.

One Ball is going to see things about me that I don’t want him to see. He’s going to read things and learn things and find out things that are private. Well, private-ish. This is a public blog for all to read, but you know what I mean. He’s going to learn about just how obsessed I was/am with Big Love and how hard our breakup has been on me. He’s going to learn that I suffer from depression, and that I’ve slept with as many people as I have, and that I’m really a crazy girl in a non-crazy girl’s clothing. He’s going to find out the kind of things that I don’t even tell my mother, or my Bestie, or my fucking counsellor.

He told me that he hasn’t read any of the posts yet, exiting the browser and deleting his history as soon as he realised what he landed upon, but do we really believe that? I don’t think I do. If he had no intention of reading it, he wouldn’t have gone looking for it in the first place. I even debated writing this blog post in case he’s crazily sat there reading everything I’ve ever said, but why should I stop just because he couldn’t keep to his end of the agreement? And he did promise me that he wouldn’t go looking for it and/or read it. So … this is entirely his fault. Completely and utterly.

I’m refusing to respond to his texts and calls right now because I’m actually a bit heartbroken that he’s decided to stab me in the back in quite the way he has. He told me that he’d smoked a cigarette (he’s a non-smoker), and also had a little crash in his car (minor, no damage or injury), because he’s that stressed about what he’s done. Maybe he should’ve thought about that sooner before he started typing random shit into Google and hoping to find my most private thoughts.

I don’t really know what to do now. I feel like crying and screaming, all at the same time. He’s betrayed my trust in the worst possible way. I actually think I would’ve preferred he cheated on me than gone looking for the blog that he specifically promised me he wouldn’t go looking for.

If you’re reading this, One Ball, I hope you’re happy with yourself. I’m not talking to you now, but you should know the names I’m calling you inside my head. They ain’t pleasant. I was happy with you. I had real feelings for you. I TRUSTED you. And look what you did … and not for the first time.

I hope it was all worth it.

Dickhead.

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15 Thoughts to “I’ve Been Outed”

  1. Sucky, suck-suck, sucks! Hug to you. Our private blog spaces are so damn important. I hope you can work all this out.

  2. Oh mayn! On the plus side, if you can forgive him and he has read it all, at least he knows everything about you and that’s always good. My friends read my blog but never the guys (least I Hope not). Im actually thinking of changing some things to make it less searchable for the people i’ve written about. I hope you sort things out, your last post sounded like things were going really well

    1. Things WERE going really well! He has made a promise never to read it, and he swore on his kids lives. I’m wondering whether or not to believe him, but I think in my head I’m already giving him the benefit of the doubt….. I am going to make the decision to carry on writing. After all, if he doesn’t like what it says, he shouldn’t be reading it, should he?

  3. That’s terrible. I understand the need to go to extreme lengths to hide ones personal blog. Perhaps the temptation of knowing he was being blogged about was just too great? Maybe he thought it might be some kind of ego boost or give him some kind of insight into you? But then why tell you? I don’t know, but I hope everything works out for you.

    1. That’s what I don’t understand! He finally admitted to clicking on the link but still swears down that he didn’t read it… I’m not sure. I’ve calmed down since yesterday, and I guess we need to talk about it. I just wish he hadn’t gone looking for it. It’s made something fairly simple so damn complicated! He wouldn’t hate what I had written about him. Aside from his odd sex-face, there’s nothing bad about him… not really anyway. It’s not the point. It would be like someone going through my journal or my phone! Such a breach of privacy!

  4. Ugh, I made à long ass comment but it didnt save. I hope you Work it out, sounded like things were going well. And who knows, if he has read it, it might not scare him off. Though it is à breach of trust. I never tell anyone I have a blog unless I want them to know and find it. Good luck!

    1. It was a stupid comment made at the beginning of us dating. We were doing the whole “Tell me a secret” thing. Regardless of whether or not he reads it, things won’t be the same, will they? Sad face!

  5. All I can say is I’m sorry.. X

  6. hopelessromantic

    Uh I am so sorry! There is the plus that now he knows everything, but it is also a HUGE invasion of your privacy that you told him about. *hugs* to you, I hope it works out! It sounded like it was going great!!

  7. Kay BeeBee

    I would hate the guys I date to see mine …. I usually tell them because otherwise I feel that I am breaching their rights without their consent but I would never expect them to look or find it … actually maybe I should expect it! Hugs to you … may you find a positive way forward x

    1. He’s the only guy I’ve ever told, and that was because of a flippant comment made during a “telling secrets” moment earlier on in the relationship. Dummy move!

  8. puzzledpartner

    It is a breach of trust. Plain and simple. I am so sorry. He told you he did it and the pop psychologist in me says….I have no idea what to think about that! I thought he sounded like a keeper but now he has some major repair work to start doing!

  9. Hyacinth

    This is basically my worst nightmare. But seeing as this was written a while ago and you’re now writing about the “L word,” I guess it’s had a happy ending.

    1. Yes – he promised he would never, ever read it and I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Up to now, he has made no comment on the blog at all, which I feel he would if he read it, and thinks are going along swimmingly.

      Let’s hope we manage to keep it this way!

  10. Rose-tinted Guy

    You feel hurt and betrayed. Which is only proper – you have been lied to by someone you trusted. But reading your blog is not a violation of privacy. You publish. It is here in broad daylight for the world to see. This man reading your blog is no crime at all. This man feeling guilty about doing so and lying to you about it … that is hurtful. If you love him though, talk it out. Try to understand each other. It has to be worth at least that, once your anger subsides.

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