I have a few things that I want to get off my chest. Firstly, I don’t talk about Bestie enough. He plays such a massive part in my life – bigger than what I talk about on this blog – and he deserves a bigger part. Maybe a category all of his own.
He’s been my best bud – my actual ride or die BFF – for 15 years or so. We’ve had the same circle of friends since we were about 15/16, and that’s kinda how we met in the first place. Back then, I think our buddies were setting us up to get together, and we even made out for a while, under the stars outside of a pub. Very romantic. We didn’t sleep together, though. We never did. We became firm friends instead and built a beautiful friendship.
I love him with every part of me. I don’t love him like a brother or a boyfriend or any other kind of relative. I love him like I love him and that’s just that. I’ve left him behind on countless occasions, usually for yet another man, and yet he’s always there to pick up the pieces when it all goes wrong. And it seems to go wrong a lot when he’s not in my life. As in falls apart spectacularly.
We’ve had a couple of questionable nights over the years. Years that we’ve got super drunk and ending up making out. There was also another night, down by the river, that something very almost happened. We were hardcore making out in the back of his car (stationary, he’d never have driven drunk) and before we knew it, our hands were on each other’s belts. There was a moment between kisses that we stopped and just looked at each other, and realisation absolutely set in. We removed ourselves from each other’s clutches quickly and went back to our night. That was the closest we’d ever gotten to anything actually happening, and even in our super drunk state (and we really were super drunk), we still knew we shouldn’t cross that line. That’s how good our friendship is.
He knows all of my secrets and I know all of his, and I’m fairly certain that’s the way it’ll stay. People tell us all the time that we’ll probably end up together but I don’t think I’ve ever really entertained that idea. Not properly. I don’t think he does now, either. Maybe one or both of us have over the years, but never at the same time and we’ve never acted on it.
So yeah, just a little bit of background about him. My lovely Bestie.
Moving on …
I think I’ve got a bit of a crush on my new manager at work, so that’s fun. It’s only a little crush, but he’s popped into my head at least twice during my masturbation sessions … and my imagination made it hot. HOT! He’s not even that hot in real life, I don’t think, but I kinda wanna fuck him. At least going to work will be fun for a while.
Moving on again …
I think I’m a bit scared to have Skype sex with my boyfriend. That’s One Ball, by the way. Just in case it wasn’t obvious. (I’m aware that there are a few men in my life.) He kept hinting at it, and then he straight-out asked me so I couldn’t avoid the conversation anymore.
I really do think I have a crush on my new manager at work. It’s still only a little one. He popped into my head while I was masturbating earlier. It was pretty hot. I’m not sure what’s up with that… he’s not even hot!?!?!
“Do you want to have Skype sex later on?”
I tried to make a joke about it because that’s what I do in situations I feel uncomfortable with. But honestly? This is starting to feel like a lot of hard work. I’m going to need to get all sorts of ready if I agree to this – shaving my legs, getting some hot lingerie ready, etc. I’m not sure I’m the right frame of mind for that kind of thing right now. What if I get stage fright? I’m not at that kind of performing. I wish I was the kind of girl who felt confident enough to make homemade porn. I don’t need to see myself having sex. I don’t like my body enough for that. My mental health isn’t in a good place right now.
But then there’s the other thing — he’s getting the snip soon. Two days before I’m due to go and see him for a little trip away, to be exact. So, yeah, that’s zero sex for me for a while, I imagine. We tried to discuss the options … you know: him playing with me rather than focusing on things that require his erection. But then he got an erection just talking about it, so I think any kind of sexual activity will need to be off the table until his manhood is back to fighting form. I had tried to cancel the trip but we’re boyfriend-girlfriend now … I think I’m meant to do these things for him.
In case you’re wondering, neither of us has said the L-word … yet.