Right at the beginning of our “whatever it is” One Ball and I exchanged secrets. He told me a secret and I told him I was an anonymous sex blogger. He doesn’t bring it up, he hasn’t brought it up, and he doesn’t go looking for it, but tonight we had a conversation about it. He told me he had found my blog as a joke to “gauge” my reaction. I told him that I would be devastated if anyone ever found it; it’s too raw, too emotional, and too candid for me to ever put my name to it. My entire sex life is down in black and white with the post “What’s Your Number?” And I’ve reviewed every sexual experience I’ve had since I started writing it. Would I want One Ball to find out that his kisses were sloppy, or he pulled a random face when we fucked? Would I want The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of to know that his kisses were the worst and he had no rhythm in the sack? Would I want The Big Love to know how much I was pining for him, and how he was the best lover I ever had? Or how much I stalked his Facebook, desperately hoping for him to breakup with his girlfriend? No of course I wouldn’t. I would be mortified if anyone ever knew I wrote this blog, hence why it is completely anonymous. Or as much as it can be anyway.
I was almost “outed” at work not so long ago. I was checking the stats and comments during a quiet period and my female work colleague peeked over my shoulder. “What’s Not So Sex in the City?” she asked. “Oh just this blog I follow” I replied. I managed to find a similar named website that I then directed her too, and the topic was forgotten about.
How would I feel if anyone I had slept with or written about found my blog? I would be devastated. I would cause a lot of pain to the guys I had “dissed“, and other guys would get some super egos out of it. Surely there are some things that just shouldn’t be said? Not out load anyway. How would I feel if someone turned around to me and said something along the lines of “I can’t stand the way you kiss!” or “Your vagina is too big!” (Clearly this is the female conversion of penis size; I don’t think my vagina is too big!)
I would rethink my entire sexual past if I got a bad “review.” The fact that I’m struggling to make One Ball cum in my mouth right now is enough of a slap in the face, and he tells me I’m close and my technique is “perfect” all the time. In fact, during our car fuck the other night, apparently he almost came in my mouth but wanted to slide into my pussy instead. Grrr!
There are some things that it’s just nicer not to say. As much as I hated The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of and the way he kisses, I’d never want to say that to his face. I don’t think that makes me two-faced; I think it makes me compassionate. “Dissing” someone’s sexual performance does more than just denting their ego; it can destroy them. Imagine re-thinking every time you ever slept with someone and wondering “Did I do something wrong?”
I’m all for subtle hints of course – there’s nothing better than grabbing a guy’s hair and directing his head, and therefore his tongue, when he is going down on you. I’m also slowly teaching One Ball discreetly how not to kiss so sloppily… It’s actually working. There are some things you just can’t change, of course, and when I realise those things I don’t open my mouth, I just politely kick them to the kerb. To be honest, I’d rather someone did the same to me too.
Now from the sexual reviews I’ve had, and keep having, I think I’m pretty good in bed. According to my reviews, my blowjobs are “the best” and the fact that I can squirt drives most men insane. I don’t just lie there and do nothing – I get carried away in the moment and I bite, scratch, moan, groan, grunt, writhe, wriggle, etc. I deep-throat, I gag, I spit, I nibble, I pay attention to the balls, I swallow – all of these things are because they turn me on, not for the satisfaction of the guy. From what I can gather this makes me awesome in bed. If someone were to turn around now and tell me I sucked (and not in a good way) it would crush me. I’ve worked hard to perfect my technique; I’ve fucked enough guys so I should hope I’ve learned something along the way. I appreciate that everyone likes different things, but I’m pretty accommodating and if almost everyone is giving me rave reviews, I must be doing something right.
One Ball said that although he would want to respect my privacy, the thought of knowing my true, honest sexual review of him would be too tempting to turn down. I responded with – “So, me telling you you’re great in the sack isn’t enough, you’d have to read it instead for it to sink in?“ I think this was a very valid point. He said that he believed what I said, but the validation in black and white would prove it.
I guess this brings me to my point – do you believe the sexual review that you get from the people you sleep with? Or would you want to go hunting for validation in the form of a blog post, if there was one available, to make doubly sure? I think I would be the same as One Ball – I believe the reviews, but if there was a blog post there to tell me the real truth, I’d totally read it. The only problem is I might not like what it says and then I’m not so sure what I’d do.
What do you think? Would you want to know your REAL sexual review?