I’ve been single for about a week now, except it’s kinda like I’m not really single at all. The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of (who I eventually did get rid of) has turned into a post-relationship thing though. It’s a text-sex thing, not a real sex thing, but still … we probably shouldn’t be doing it.
It’s quite ironic when you consider that his bad kisses and incompatible foreplay rituals were one of the reasons I knew we needed to break up, and now I’m using the texted promise of his bad kisses and incompatible foreplay rituals as my getting-off material, isn’t it?
Last night, for example, I was watching the good ol’ Angelina Jolie classic, Mr & Mrs. Smith. I love her in that. I’ve never really classed myself as bisexual, but I’m definitely a massive fan of the female form … so maybe I am? I love taking women to bed, playing with them, getting to know their bodies and what makes them tick — very much in the same way that I like taking men to my bed. I’m visually, sexually, and mentally attracted to some women in the same way that I am men. But Angelina Jolie in Mr & Mrs. Smith? Yeah, that’s my kinda woman.
As I watched the film, The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of and I were texting:
What are you watching?
Mr & Mrs Smith.
That’s a hot movie, I’ve got a serious thing about Angelina Jolie in that movie.
Oh my gosh, me too! She’s hawt damn.
What would you do with Angelina Jolie if you could … ?
And that’s how it started. I played mock-annoyed for a while, trying to pretend like I wasn’t hoping the conversation would turn to sex so that I. Had something to entertain me for a little while, but I told him in the end. I told him about how I read that Angelina Jolie was into blood play and knives and bondage and BDSM once upon a time, and that’s the version of her that I would want to play with. Maybe throw a man into the mix for us to share and tease and drive crazy, just for good measure. Honestly, though, I’d be happy with just her. Obviously. Not that it’s ever going to happen, but you know.
And we continued to chat, me and The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of, getting hotter and friskier, until first, he came, and then I came. And that’s when I asked myself: is it wrong for me to keep texting this guy like this?
I missed him for a moment, but I know I don’t necessarily miss HIM. I just miss having the touch of someone in the bed next to me, waking up with someone all tangled up with me. He annoys me too much for him to be that guy, but I want that guy. I’m looking for that guy. Even though I know all of that, there was still a part of me that wondered if I should go back and give him another chance. One more? Would that be so bad? Or am I literally doing it just out of loneliness?
Status update: still single, but it’s complicated.