I think it’s time for my current guy [The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of] and I to part ways. It’ a shame, but I really don’t think he’s the kind of guy I’m looking for. And do you want to know when I realised that? Half-way through our fuck last night, that’s when. Great timing, as always. As and discussed in Anal Sex – What’s the Deal?, he wanted to put his dick in my ass again. I said no, he tried to change my mind by doing other things to ‘buy’ my anal sex permission, and it was during a marathon session of him going down on me and me not being able to come, that I realised we were good and finished. He couldn’t make me come, but it’s not just that … obviously. I didn’t even want to fake it for him. I didn’t care enough for him to fake it to spare his feelings. I don’t usually have a problem doing that from time to time, but not this time. I just didn’t want to. I wasn’t interested in giving him whatever pat on the head he needed.
I think he tries too hard, maybe that’s his problem? After we’d fucked and we were chilling in bed, enjoying a couple of strawberry Cornettos, he asked me if I loved him. It’s not the first time that word has come up, nor is it the first time I’ve tried to ignore it. He said it the other day, on the phone, at the end of the conversation — and I just ignored it and put it down to one of those things that just slip out of your mouth when you’re at the end of a phone call. You know: “Luv ya, byeeee”.
But then he said it again, during a text message this time:
“I bloody love you!”
He said it after I’d done something that he really appreciated, but that’s not the point. We’re dating. Fucking. Whatever it is that you want to call it … you can’t just throw the L-word around like that.
But it was when he asked me if I loved him – and I didn’t/couldn’t answer – that I knew I needed to tell him that we weren’t going to work out. I’m still pining for my ex and I don’t even know if I’m looking for a long-term relationship. I’m not sure why he’s looking for, but I don’t think it’s me. Maybe it’s his next great love? Whatever it is, it ain’t me.
This is a really tough situation for me because I actually enjoy his company. We have a good laugh when we’re together, and I don’t think he’s bad looking. I hate the way he kisses, plus I’m not really down with his version of foreplay … but the sex is actually pretty good when we get down to it. Am I just being really fussy?
And how am I meant to tell him? It’s not like he’s actually done something wrong, I just don’t think it’s right. That’s not a real reason to break up with someone, is it? Or is it? I don’t know. I’m worried that he’ll cry when I tell him, too. He’s quite an emotional guy, which is great in some respects … but also not great in others. I don’t want to make him cry because that will make me cave and just give him whatever he wants. But he’s clearly more into me than I am into him, so by carrying on with the charade when I know it’s not right, is just leading him on. Right?!
Maybe I need to enjoy being single? I know we’re dating and all, but this is the first time in seven years that I haven’t been in a long-term, serious relationship. Perhaps it’s time for me to slow down, have fun, and sow some wild oats, as they say?