I haven’t been around for a couple of days and I’m sorry for that. It’s been a pretty hectic week, but I thought it was about time that I gave you a little update.
I’ll start with the Mama stuff …
She got her blood tests back and they were all clear, so that was fucking awesomely good. She had an ultrasound and found some nodules, and we’re now awaiting some test results for those, to see if she needs removal and/or a biopsy or something like that. She’s in better spirits, thankfully, and we’ve now told my sister all about it so there’s no more need to tiptoe around like we have this massive secret that we’re not allowed to share. (Because I’m shite at keeping secrets, honestly.)
And now for a love life update …
So, I invited The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of to my house on Wednesday night and we had a bit of a fight. He wanted my attention all of the time and that’s just not something I can give him. Not all of the time. Between my Mama, my job, freelancing, my friends, family, trying to have a social life … it’s not like I have a whole load of time on my hands. Maybe I just don’t have the right amount of time I need to dedicate to being a girlfriend? I need more of a fuck buddy, I think. Someone who’ll be there for me when I need to get laid and require attention, disappearing off into the sunset when I need to get back down to business.
After a good chat, I not only managed to successfully break up with him but also persuade him that it was all his idea. He didn’t want me because I couldn’t give him more of my time. He didn’t want me because I didn’t enjoy going out and doing the things that he wanted to do all the time. He didn’t want me because … you get the idea.
I let him stay the night. I felt kinda bad just kicking him out after he’d travelled all the way to mine, plus we were on pretty good terms. I also thought it might be nice to give him a parting blowjob, though it was only partially for his benefit. I just wanted to get my hands on him one last time, and it’s not like he wasn’t 100% down for the offer. We did what we did and fell asleep, and then Thursday morning came around.
Let’s just say that things got a little melodramatic.
We’ve been officially in a relationship for about a month and a half. Maybe a bit longer. We’ve been dating since April, so four or five months in total. I didn’t think it was all that serious, especially not at the beginning, but the way he started to react would make you think we’d been in a relationship for a lot longer. I don’t think I truly understood just how much I meant to him. Did I misread everything that badly?
We both agreed that the relationship wasn’t going in the right direction for either of us. He’s 28, so there’s a good chance that he’s looking for someone to settle down with, get engaged to, move in with, get married to, and have babies with. I’ve already done the marriage thing and it’s not something I’m hunting out again just yet. I’m not even divorced yet. And he wants a “proper” relationship — holding hands in the street, public displays of affection, so on and so forth. That’s not really the kind of girl I am. I don’t mind a bit of cuteness in public, but I’m not really a big fan of massive PDAs. The sensible option is for us to part ways, right? What’s the point in either of us wasting time on something that we’re both sure we don’t want?!
Despite all of that, though, things still went a bit south. He left me with a parting message:
“If we’re meant to be together, we’ll get back together.”
Sweet, right? Or maybe not … It also sounds like he’s not sure we’re actually breaking up. I’ve said a similar line before, usually right before I go a little breakup-crazy and stalk the guy half to death. (I’m joking … but not really.)
Things went quiet for a few hours, but then this morning (Friday), I woke up to a barrage of text messages. He doesn’t want us to break up. He thinks we gave up too soon. He wants us to try and talk, maybe get back together.
UGH, seriously? How many more times do you think I’m going to need to tell this guy that I’m not interested in a relationship with him? I don’t have time for a relationship. I didn’t have time for a relationship with The Lapdog, and now my realisation has been doubly confirmed by the fact that I couldn’t make time for The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of. And speaking of The Lapdog, he’s come up in arguments a lot lately. The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of picked up on “little signs” that showed I was obviously jealous of The Lapdog’s new relationship, which isn’t a complete lie, to be honest. I was invited to a birthday party that I didn’t go to, firstly because his new girlfriend would be there, but also because some other guy I tried to date when I first came home from the other side of the world would be there too. That whole situation was weird. I’ll talk about it another time. But apparently that guy is friends with The Lapdog’s new girlfriend — and I can imagine that whole situation going down like a lead balloon.
At the end of it all, I’m single again. I’m not getting laid again. I’m back to staring at my ceiling at night, feeling more than a little lonely, wishing I had someone to snuggle up close with. I had someone to snuggle up with just a couple of nights ago … but I’d rather be single than settle for some guy I’m only halfway happy with.
I made the right decision, right?