So … I don’t know if I’m allowed to talk about this, but I want to therefore I’m going to. When everything happened between Bestie and I, he went on Tinder and met this girl. I’m trying to think of a name for her, but we’ll come back to that. It’s not important right now.
They’ve been “chatting” for ages, since the beginning of August-ish? They’ve been on two dates together, and she came over one night recently after she’d been out drinking with her pals. Despite all the bashing and bumping around I heard, they didn’t sleep together. In fact, nothing happened at all. Just a bit of smooching and even then, not so much.
Right at the beginning of this dalliance, I told him that I didn’t feel she was as into him as he was into her, and at the time, he questioned whetherI could be jealous / “bitchy”. This is why I’m writing this down – because I can’t say the things I want to say to his face. Plus, I want to see if I’m as good at this predicting-stuff business as I think I am. Once upon a time I would have just said this to Bestie’s face but our relationship has deteriorated quite a lot over recent weeks. Nothing bad has happened, I just don’t feel the same way about him as I once did. Everything changed when he said “I love you”, and as much as he’s still around, it’s not the same bond it was before. But that’s fine, I was aware that we would need to “consciously un-couple” at some point. I guess right now is that point.
Going back to Bestie dates, every date they’ve “sort of” arranged has been cancelled, usually at the last minute.
“We’re going out later on tonight for a few drinks, but it’s after she’s got home from hanging out with friends, and she needs to work on some present thing for a friend’s party the following day.”
That’s generally how it goes, and then when I bump into him around the house later on that night and question why he’s still home, it’s always the same response …
“Oh, she didn’t get everything done in time, so we’re rearranging for another night now.”
I know what game she’s playing. I know because I played it. If we want to get specific about it, I played the game with Someone New. He was a lovely guy, a decent guy, and one who probably would never have hurt me, but for some reason I just wasn’t that into him. On paper he was perfect, but in practice it just didn’t fit together very well.
I did the same thing to Someone New as this girl is doing to Bestie right now. The vagueness about making dates and plans, and the cancelling last-minute of dates because something / nothing always pops up. A hangover (in her case usually), or a relative visiting from some foreign country. I see what game she’s playing, but every time I’ve tried to suggest that he’s friend-zoned himself and he’s wasting his time, he just thinks I’m being jealous and bitchy about it. So I won’t say it any longer.
We were chit-chatting earlier, and I decided to ask him outright what was going on.
“So … what’s happening then? You’ve been ‘hanging out’ for a while, but nothing’s happening?”
“Oh, she’s just busy, you know? I actually asked her about this last night, and she told me that she’d understand if I wanted to give up and start looking elsewhere because she’s so busy. She’s got his single girls’ holiday coming up in a few weeks too, so I think we’re going to look at starting again after that.”
Right, this chick is playing him for a fool and I can’t say a damn thing about it. Fine, I won’t. I’ll just tell you guys. I’ll predict the way this dalliance is going to play out. She’s leading Bestie on. Not intentionally perhaps, but there’s something about Bestie that just doesn’t fit in her life. She can’t pinpoint exactly what it is, or why. He’s a lovely guy, and she feels as if she should give him a chance, but she’s ‘trying him on’ knowing very well he probably won’t fit.
I predict that she’s going to meet someone else, maybe before this “single girls’ holiday” (which I think speaks for it’s own name-sake personally), but probably during it, and she’s going to come back and let Bestie down in a not-so-gentle manner. He’s going to wait a few weeks for her to come back from this holiday and fall into his arms, and it’s simply not going to happen. Just like it hasn’t happened up until this point. Maybe she’s multi-dating right now? That’s her prerogative, but Bestie doesn’t think she is.
As well as telling him about this “single girls’ holiday” (no, I’m not going to stop mentioning it), she also said that she was at a point in her life where she was ready for a relationship, but didn’t know how to open up to it, and she didn’t know how to make time for him but she would / could learn. I told Someone New this EXACT same thing, around about the same time I realised it probably wasn’t going to work. I told him I would understand if he wanted to give up and start looking elsewhere. I was hoping he’d take the hint, but he didn’t. It just made him work harder to be a little more supportive and understanding, just like Bestie has done to this girl.
She basically told Bestie to start looking elsewhere because she didn’t think he would fit in her life, but instead of saying, “Okay, thanks for letting me know”, he said this:
“So, should I give up? Because I like you enough to wait and I think that’s obvious from how long I’ve already waited.”
To which she responded:
“Okay, well let’s talk about things after the single girls’ holiday. We’ll sort something out.”
She should have just said, “Yes, I think you should give up.”
I might be wrong about all this. She might come back from that holiday and fall into his arms like he’s hoping, but I really don’t see it happening. Call it my inner cynical bitch, but I just feel sorry for him. Inwardly obviously – I can’t show him that I care that much because whatever I say makes me come across as “jealous”. I’m not, just in case it looks that way. I just don’t want to see him get screwed over. And I predict that’s what she’s going to do. I guess we’ll wait and see.
Bestie dates … to be continued.