My Last Day.
Last night, I wrote a letter to Jock. I didn’t do anything with it. I was going to post it on my blog. But I didn’t. I fell asleep instead. I’ll post it after. You’ll understand why shortly.
Today was my last day at work. That’s right. I finally quit to be a full time writer, and today was my last day of my 30-day notice. I made it right to the very end of the day without crying, even when there were a few moments where I thought I might. And then it happened.
Did I tell you a few weeks ago about the guy that came into my work? The guy that looked, walked, and stood just like Jock did? The guy that gave me butterflies in my stomach like Jock did. The guy that was the same minion-height as Jock was. The guy that made me cry in front of a work colleague? Well, guess what. He was my very last customer. My very, very last. The last person I ever served.
Why? Why did Jock need to go and ruin my very last day at work? Sometimes it feels as if something or someone is trying to make this whole ‘get over him’ thing as difficult as humanly possible. Aren’t I moving on enough? I quit my job, decided to follow my dream, met a new guy… Am I not trying hard enough already? Seriously?
What the fuck is the universe’s problem right now? Why is it making it so much harder to get over this guy? Why, every time I think I’m finally getting somewhere, does he pop right back into my head? Why? Whhhhhhhyyyyyy?
It’s so frustrating. I’m doing so well. That’s what it looks like on Facebook anyway. So why doesn’t it feel like that? Why does it feel as if I’m not doing very well at all? Why does it feel as if I’ll never get over him, despite how hard I’m trying? It feels like he still has such a big part of me, and until I get that part back, I won’t be able to move on.
So what part of me has he got? And how do I go about getting it back? I have now accepted that we won’t ever get back together, and I WANT to move on. So why can’t I? What’s stopping me?
Why did my last customer of the day; my last customer ever, need to be THAT guy?
Hi, this is still Karen, I’m on my wordpress account cos it has a little picture of MEEEE!
It’s the Universe trying to teach you that just because a thought (or someone) pops into your head, it doesn’t *mean* anything. Meditation (or trying to) will show you what a massive amount of crap floats through your mind. If you focussed on how often you thought about Boris Johnson, you would be amazed at how many times he popped into your head. Especially if the thought of him prompted you to focus on him and wonder why the universe was putting him there. You’d even start to see pseudo-Borises wandering around. Even when you hadn’t thought about him for a while, you would occassionally find yourself wondering ‘have I thought about Boris today?’ It doesn’t mean you are meant to be together, or that you are not getting over him losing his chance to displace David Cameron. It is just a brain-glitch.
I hereby apologise to everyone who reads this comment and is then inflicted with days of semi-obsessive Boris-thoughts. I know I will be one of them 🙁
Don’t try not t think the thoughts, but when you think them, just think, ‘yeah, it’s a thought, but it’s got no meaning, now, where was I?’ And get back to LIFE. You’ve got a boy to dump haven’t you? 😉